Tag: sasuke uchiha

For the SU AU: where are their gems located? I expect Naruto’s is on his belly, where the seal is in canon. Is Shikako’s on her chest, about where her Gelel stone sits on her necklace? And where is Sasuke’s? Also, did you say what powers he has? I want him to have some kind of OP eye powers but can’t think of what.

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Naruto’s is on his belly, yes, but Shikako’s is actually on her back (though at the same height as her sternum). Mostly because that’s where she most frequently gets stabbed and Gelel, but also because I like the idea of her not being able to see her own gemstone. It made researching about herself all that much more difficult and it enforces her need for other people (whether human, gem, or half human half gem).

Sasuke’s is probably on his forehead. I considered having it be one of his eyes like with one of the Rubies, but then I considered–in the same vein as Shikako’s “weak point” being on her back where she gets stabbed the most–that how much more significant would Itachi’s dumb forehead flick thing be if that’s where Sasuke’s gemstone was.

I imagine that the Obsidians (unless I get completely jossed with SU canon) are like the Uchiha: small but fast and powerful warriors. They’re higher status than Quartzes in SU canon, mostly because they’re rarer and harder to make. Hematites (Sai) were probably Home World’s attempt to recreate Obsidians but more controllable and lower status.

As for the Obsidians’ OP eye ability… I mean its canon that Sapphires can see the future so… maybe something similar for Obsidians. But more streamlined to reflect their battle capabilities (whereas Sapphire’s role was more of an oracle/advisor).

Alternatively I wonder if, because gems are just construct of light around their gemstone, that a Sharingan equivalent might be able to poof a gem by disrupting the light around the gemstone. So if an Obsidian can see the gemstone they can disrupt a gem long enough to get close and shatter them. Which is why Obsidians are the worst to fight. Its as OP as Uchiha’s automatic genjutsu skills I think.

Sasuke also has a sword for a gem weapon.

For the su!DoS au Sakura would be a Rose Quartz! Y’know, healing and pink hair! Except she came out,,, petite. Oh! How about since Earth is considered so dangerous, homeworld sent the misfits! (For why Sai is there, Danzo wanted an expendable inside agent if he’s homeworld) Or maybe Danzo is the leader of homeworld? Food for thought. Thanks!

jacksgreysonLeave a comment

I had considered making Sakura a Rose Quartz, but I didn’t want to include canon gem types (although I know that the “Snowflake” Bismuth mentioned is most likely snowflake obsidian).

And I had figured that Morganite might be a close enough equivalent. Like small travel-sized versions of Rose Quartz–how Rubies are the travel-sized soldiers, Morganite is a travel-sized field medic.

Sakura, Sai, and Tenzo are all a little too orderly to be misfits. Especially without the chaotic influence that is the core Team Seven. But they are meant to be scouting team to see if the planet is still a viable Gem Colony–so not exactly a suicide mission, but not gems that aren’t replaceable either.

Danzo is definitely high up in Home World, just like in canon, but he’s not THE leader. There’s either a tetrarchy like in SU canon or Sandaime is leader and Danzo is suspiciously close like in Naruto canon.

—

Tourmaline–Shikako, that is, because I more and more like the idea that Tenzo is also a Tourmaline (one that can control plant-life) and considering she was probably adopted into the Nara clan not long after she formed she’d think of herself in the human name they gave her–has a very good relationship with the clan.

She definitely has been with them for enough generations to seem synonymous with the clan, but after they were firmly a clan. So in DoS Shikamaru is mentioned to be the sixteenth head of the Nara, so I’m thinking Shikako’s been with the clan for at least ten generations, but less than fifteen.

Living clan heirloom like the deer herds works pretty well for a description. I mean. They literally named her deer girl. Which is very inclusive on their part–considering their clan head naming scheme–but also partially because when Tourmaline first emerged she found herself surrounded by the deer and was like. Well, this clearly my purpose, and for a good week or so she was acting as the deer herd’s protector until the then Nara clan head was. Ah, this weirdly colored humanoid is a deer spirit blessed upon the clan, we will show her kindness and the clan will flourish. And, well, that is what happened.

The reason why Shikamaru is close enough to consider Shikako his sister is a combination of several things: over the generation, Shikako has been more and more embedded into the clan. Deer spirit to clan member to clan elder of sorts etc. etc. She’s become more and more familiar to the clan over time. Shikaku was probably raised to consider her like a cousin that can control earth.

I also think Yoshino had a lot to do with it, too. One she married into the clan she treated Shikako very much like a human. Shikako has probably eaten more since Yoshino married into the clan than she had for the century before. No one really thought to parent Tourmaline before Yoshino–because she’s an immortal rock person, why would they–but she’s still the equivalent of a teenager so it kind of works. And from Yoshino it’s not overbearing, it’s caring.

The third part is that probably Shikako grew more and more experimental in her abilities as time went on and she probably had to retreat into her gemstone. One such instance happened when Shikamaru was pretty young, and instead of doing the traditional thing of leaving Shikako’s gemstone in the Nara clan shrine for her to regenerate, Shikamaru basically declared he was going to protect her and did much the same as when Steven first saw Pearl retreat into her gemstone. It was a formative experience for both of them.

I’m not entirely sure if it’s a direct analog to the Uchiha Massacre, but I do know Sasuke is the last Obsidian (AS FAR AS THEY KNOW, Itachi might exist I’m unsure) and that all the other Obsidians were deliberately left behind to face the wrath of the bijuu who the Home World had left the planet to escape.

Probably it was an Obsidian who “unleashed” the Kyuubi (in that, if the Kyuubi was “sleeping” and the Obsidians had stumbled upon its lair. Which might have been a volcano since… fire and obsidian) and so Home World reacted accordingly?

Seven Deadly Sins was AWESOME!!! I have a one word title for you, DoS Team seven or just Shikako please :) : “Insuperable”

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Listen, anons, I don’t mean to depreciate your separate prompts, but I saw these all and they just clicked together like some kind of beautiful triforce that turned into:

BATMAN!KAKO!!! 😀

And, okay, I know that Gotham!anon wanted Shikako as the James Gordon equivalent once she starts to emulate Ibiki, but why not just have Ibiki as James Gordon and Shikako as Batman? She CAN work within the system, but she prefers not to because it’s not as efficient.

And the way Ibiki tacitly covered for them during the Land of Tea arc–yes, mostly because of Idate, but still–very Commissioner Gordon plausible deniability, I think. Alternatively Shikaku could be a pretty good Commissioner Gordon for his daughter-the-vigilante.

And the gif, come on, the gif!

So, basically, superhero!AU with Shikako as Batman, Sasuke as Superman, and Naruto as Wonderwoman. Equivalents, of course. They need some tweaking to their respective backstories because Shikako’s the only one who isn’t an orphan, Sasuke is no boy scout, and as much as I love Naruto, he’s no Wonderwoman.

I suppose Shikako has a background more like Batgirl–the Barbara Gordon version, that is. Sasuke’s background might be more like Starfire’s (last loyal son of Uchiha, yeah, but maybe instead of genjutsu torture Itachi had him enslaved). And while Naruto is not Wonderwoman, per se, maybe Kushina was–Uzushio as Themyscira?–and so he’s the half human half Amazon son of Wonderwoman and super genius human Minato (who is basically Lex Luthor except, you know, not evil). Which I guess means he’s like Superboy–the Kon-El version, that is.

Anyway:

Insuperable

Konoha: city of crime, corruption, and misery–too much for one vigilante to handle.

But three? Well, they can certainly try.

Maybe they’re not heroes, but they’ll definitely be remembered.

I just realized, I think Kakashi is the Mayor or the DA and also all of their (platonic) Lois Lane. The number of plans targeting him is kind of ridiculous, but what’s even more ridiculous is the number of times he ends up being carried princess-style by one of the three vigilantes. Even though they’re all shorter than him. 🙂

There are separate arcs, of course–How Shikako’s family find out about her alter-ego. Itachi coming to Konoha and ruining everything (as he does) and Sasuke has to face his demons. Naruto finding out about Themyscira and having to decide between the home he knows and possible family–but the story would be mostly about how these three weirdoes first of all even become the heroes of Konoha, then how they rise to the level of the DC Trinity.

omg, i just read the steven universe prompt and i don’t know why it made me feel hyped (probably bc i just drank coffee and the direction the newest episodes are going aren’t really exciting right now) i have so many questions so i’ll try to not be overbearing and too much. would team 7 be poofing gem monsters? who’s the gem, minato/kushina? how would kakashi fight, like sadie or maybe he found gem tech or is he trained by minato (if he is the gem)? would the plotline be same as canon? thanks!!

jacksgreysonLeave a comment

Oh thank you! I thought no one would ask questions about that ‘verse (even though I literally said I’d like to answer questions)! 😀

Between Minato and Kushina, Kushina is the gem (Amber to go with the Uzumaki vitality and the fact that Amber can have non-mineral inclusions *cough* jinchuuriki *cough*).

I don’t think there are gem monsters in this ‘verse, simply because the events of the Gem “Invasion” thousands of years ago didn’t go in the same direction. It wasn’t a civil war that scared off Home World, but the bijuu, and so there was no Corrupting Light and so there is no corruption/gem monsters.

I’m sure Kakashi can fight–not as well as canon since he is baseline human and not semi-magical shinobi–but probably the equivalent of peak martial artists IRL. (Minato as well)

All that being said, the plot wouldn’t be the same as canon since–no gem civil war, aside–Naruto’s story is different from Steven’s story so…

—

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The team dynamic wouldn’t really be the same since Kakashi has known (and raised?) Naruto versus only meeting Sasuke and Shikako recently. Additionally, since the three genin/gems didn’t grow up with each other there is a sense of newness and uncertainty that isn’t present in canon. But a lot of their dynamic is personality based and seeing as how their personalities would be the same (otherwise it wouldn’t be the same characters in a DoSxSU fusion fic, but a bunch of OCs in a Steven Universe fic).

I don’t think there will be very much one-to-one adaptations for the events of DoS, but there are some equivalents in SU that I’d want to explore with this cast instead. The crumbling remains of the Gem Colony all across Earth, for one, and while there aren’t corrupted gem monsters there might very well be some kind of enemy for the team to face.

I think only the extended Team Seven (minus Kakashi) would be gems–Shikako, Naruto (half human) Sasuke, Sai, Sakura, and Tenzo. I know Shikamaru exists for sure, because Shikako as young Tourmaline was adopted by the human Nara clan many generations ago, and she kind of acts as the clan head family’s guardian/mascot/ward. Probably the rest of the Konoha Twelve are also humans and residents of the city that they’re in–although I don’t see why it would still be Beach City and not Konoha.

The bijuu are an entirely Earth phenomenon. The way I see it, imagine if–instead of going to the planet Earth that would one day be Steven Universe’s home–the Gem colonizers landed on a different planet Earth that happens to have bijuu on it. It’s not exactly the canon Naruto/DoS planet, but it’s definitely not the canon SU planet.

On a scale of 0 to Pearl, Kakashi will angst over the death of Naruto’s parents a solid Kakashi amount. Whether you think that’s more or less than Pearl… well.

Unsure if Shikako will explode things, but she does have earth controlling powers on par with Lapis Lazuli’s control over water–and considering she stole ALL THE OCEANS, is not only massive in terms of power but especially horrifying when you realize that gems are made out of the minerals in earth and there’s a very real possibility that if Shikako focuses/is pissed off/desperate enough to do so she may be able to shatter a gem with her mind. Which is probably more horrifying in this world of sentient rocks than exploding stuff. Though she may very well explode things for the hell of it.

(i dont know if you’re familiar with steven universe but if you aren’t them being gems/aliens is good enough) “strong in the real way”, dreaming of sunshine au, team 7. thank you!! i enjoy reading your prompts and it inspired me to make some of my own

jacksgreysonLeave a comment

You’re welcome, anon! I’m glad I could help you with your own writing path. 😀

I’m definitely familiar with Steven Universe which means I’ve definitely caught the reference for the title. Although how I’m going to adapt this is…

So, obviously, Silver Queen’s post about Shikako’s Gelel stone is fairly relevant for this AU. Will probably go with Tourmaline for her since Malachite and Bloodstone … apparently… have canonical equivalents and while I do dig the idea of Shikako straight up calling herself Goldstone that does have the word gold in it and it’s not a very Nara like connotation.

Anyway, Shikako is Tourmaline. I’m thinking Sasuke is Obsidian–chosen because of color scheme, mostly, but also this description of its meaning. Especially DoS!Sasuke.

If anyone on the team is half human half gem it’s definitely Naruto. And I think he’d be Amber. In part because the Uzumaki vitality, but also because Amber can have non-mineral inclusions by which I mean the Kyuubi.

And I know this probably seems odd, but I feel like Kakashi is probably human. To keep up the student/adopted son relationship he has with Minato (who is the human half of Naruto) and also because I just find that hilarious(ly sad). Tired human trying to look after three teenaged super-powered gems.

As for what the plot for this would be?

I mean the timing would be a little…

Unless Shikako is, like Amethyst, a Tourmaline that came out of the kindergarten late. Unlike with Amethyst, though, Shikako was probably adopted by the Nara clan who are humans. And Sasuke is kind of like the Lapis equivalent? He was trapped in a mirror (sword?) and left behind and only recently released.

Which means Kakashi–barely functioning adult–had to raise half gem half human Naruto by himself? That is hilarious(ly sad) enough to work.

So Naruto is in his teens, recently stumbled upon Sasuke’s prison and released him. Shikako, hearing news of Sasuke’s no doubt dramatic reawakening, decided to take a trip to meet the only other gem left on earth. Shikamaru, entirely human but still protective of his “sister” goes with her–ah, wait, nah you want Team Seven only, yeah?

And then the big mystery is Sasuke and Shikako trying to figure out how Naruto came to exist, basically, and what the heck that ominous red glow in his gem is. Which is interesting because everyone has different pieces of the puzzle: Kakashi was possibly actually there when Kushina and Minato fell in love (but not when they encountered and sealed the Kyuubi). Sasuke as the only home world gem would have access to the vast histories and experiences of gem culture. Shikako, curious about her own (seemingly individual) existence, probably consumed all the information she could get from the kindergarten to explain herself–so very specialized scientific knowledge of gems.

And Naruto may or may not be able to speak to his mom. Or the Kyuubi. And is, you know, literally the topic of the mystery so…

With that, maybe this?

Strong In The Real Way

A prisoner, an outsider, an impossibility, and a human. A bunch of misfits trying to work together and maybe finding family along the way.

Or, Kakashi and his three pet rocks.

😀

And then “Season 2” would introduce the extended Team Seven as the actual Home World Gems checking in on Earth–Sakura as Morganite? Sai as Hematite? Tenzo as Aventurine? ALSO TOURMALINE?–and delve into the mystery of what the heck happened on Earth anyway? Why was it abandoned as a Gem Colony?

I’m thinking it wasn’t a civil war but rather… whatever the bijuu are, the gems CANNOT destroy them. Which kind of goes in line with Naruto having the Kyuubi sealed inside him? I DON’T KNOW. Anyway, Home World decided to cut their losses and leave?

Except now, after a couple of millennia, Home World is in REALLY dire straights resources-wise and they’re like… hey, what about that old mud ball we almost had as a colony?

Hm… I’m gonna think on this some more, no doubt, so if anyone has any questions about this ‘verse I might be able to answer them. (By which I mean, please ask questions so I can rant about the head canons I’m building for this ‘verse)

Thanks for the prompt, anon! 🙂

Both Shikako Indiana Grylls Nara and Sasuke why-the-fck what-the-fck Policeman Uchiha star on Color Time at some point or another. It goes.. interestingly. Interesting because Shikako you were just SITTING DOWN Where did that sealing array come from?? And That One Guy from That One Episode on Sasuke’s cop show somehow gets involved?? Why is he here?? How Did He Escape?? The real miracle though is how everything was kept PG and still managed to be solved with Colors and Love.

jacksgreysonLeave a comment

😀 Pretty much, anon!

Shikako might actually have been there for a legit reason–after all, Naruto’s challenge for most interesting painting method is probably an ongoing contest and fuinjutsu-ing color onto a wall sound like it’d be fun. Or maybe using different colors for the same seal array leads to different outcomes?

Sasuke’s is more of an accidental–the perp I’m chasing stumbled through an episode of Colour Time, thankfully all the would-be-censored parts were covered (possibly by a quick thinking Sai who just had a paint animal block the view)–and that very well could have been one of those bizarre “and painting out their feelings solved the problem.”

!!!Color Time!!!! And of course Gai is the ultimate kunoichi. XD But also if Shikako is Indiana Jones and Naruto and Sai are kids TV … what’s Sasuke’s accidental Team7 fame?

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😀

The easier one to come up with is Sakura–now the beautiful badass ingénue of the Naruto world’s equivalent of Grey’s Anatomy. She is both the hopeful optimist of the hospital drama and also the smoldering heartthrob (those muscles! those eyes! wooow! Other member of the Medic Corps swoon dreamily whenever she passes).

Kakashi as Hokage and the poor haggled administrative team headed by Iruka-sensei trying to wrangle him into respectability. A lot of The Office-like confessionals, crying in the supply closet, deadpan staring at the cameras.

Sasuke’s is very difficult, though…

OMFG, I KNOW WHAT TO DO.

If Sasuke rebuilds the Konoha Military Police with his ANBU training, I imagine there are a lot of… basically Cops meets Maury? A lot of censored faces, a lot of sordid shenanigans. His show started off as a sort of… the police wear body cameras less for the accountability (because I like to believe that fictional police are better than IRL police) and more for evidence collecting. But then he kept getting involved in really weird cases. Not even dangerous ones, but things like: this civilian is having an affair with four different shinobi but that’s not what he’s in trouble for. That civilian keeps drunkenly stealing apples? Just. Why? Why is he naked?

Or, he’s called into way too many three AM domestic disturbances. Thankfully no spousal abuse, but things like: a fight on whether or not one partner should be allowed to get a pet tarantula. Whose turn it is to wash the dishes. Except, considering they’re shinobi, it turns into this huge production.

Sasuke probably hoped for something respectable like a crime procedural shows–CSI or something like that. Lol, nope.

fake fic, dos, “seven deadly sins”

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Seven Deadly Sins

Even heroes have flaws. Team Seven just happens to have more than most.

Oh anon, this has to be an extended Team Seven character study right? Like with each of the members as a respective deadly sin. I mean, I don’t know what else would match so perfectly? Let me just figure out which character is which sin, I guess?

I mean, I suppose it doesn’t necessarily have to be canon DoS extended Team Seven. Perhaps this is set in the Friendship Is A (Mutual) Con ‘verse? Regardless it’d still be character studies of sorts, perhaps different POVs of a greater heist/mission…

Actually, yeah lets go with that.

It starts with Sai, dressed up as a waiter with a platter of hors d’oeuvres. Gluttony. In his mind he’s thinking about how he’s empty. How he’s always hungry. No matter what he does or what he eats it all just tastes like ink on his tongue. Nothing can sate him. He’s a yawning black hole that consumes and consumes.

He holds the platter out, watches as a man takes one unheedingly and begins to eat. Begins to choke. The hors d’oeuvres have scallops in it and the man is allergic to shellfish. The man also has access to the building’s security system.

It’s okay, there’s a medical student in the crowd, she can mitigate the allergic reaction, and if she hands off the man’s key card to Sai while opening his shirt collar so he can breathe? Well, who notices the waitstaff?

Paramedics show up, take the man away–just in case–and Sakura is the darling of the gala just as planned. “Your necklace is beautiful,” she says to the CEO who comes to thank the hero of the hour in person.

Envy for Sakura, then. At having to play distraction. At having to stay in this relatively safe and boring role. DoS or not, she wanted to be more involved. She wants to be a proper field agent, like Shikako, wants to be where the action is not outside as decorative and useless as a flower.

Better than getting ogled and groped by ladies (and men) old enough to be his grandparent, Sasuke thinks, drifting closer and closer to the guarded doors. Lust. Probably some wordplay to make that bloodlust, too, because while he can’t exactly go around punching rich old ladies (and men) at the very least he gets to “drunkenly” fight the security team, enough for the rest of Team Seven to go through.

He gets a very stern talking to, which ought to have been getting booted out of the gala, but he does look very nice in his suit so…

Over the comms, Naruto laughs, his own outfit less formal and more “cat burglar.” Sai has control of the cameras, has been narrating the goings on of everyone for intel and for fun, as well as some of the alarms, but there’s a field of lasers and pressure sensors that can only be turned off in the morning or by a panel on the other side of the room. It’s okay, Naruto’s got this. Pride. He’s the best.

After a no doubt amazing montage of Naruto breakdancing out of the way of lasers and disarming the room for Shikako to scuttle through. There’s a vault and between the two of them they open it quickly. Inside the vault, though… they’re only supposed to take the contents of one of the boxes–the one Kakashi-sensei told them to–but somewhere in here are the blueprints for prosthetics that have been bogged down by red tape because it’s not profitable enough. Greed. She needs it for her brother.

Cut to Tenzou, arm around another guard’s neck, slowly lowering them to the ground as they fall unconscious. Sloth. He’s only supposed to be back up, doesn’t approve of this job really, why are they taking so long? They should have been in and out minutes ago.

And along comes Kakashi, sauntering in, subtly waving Sasuke and Sakura away. Eying one of the security cameras, knowing Sai will pass on the order. He wasn’t supposed to be on site, not really. It’s his job but he’s too emotionally invested. This was the company that killed Obito–and Rin, years later, when she began asking too many questions. Kakashi goes to the CEO and dispenses his Wrath.

… So… if you’ve ever watched Leverage (which I highly recommend, it’s on Netflix and maybe Hulu too?) you probably know exactly what I’m imagining here…

dreaming of sunshine, kakashi (and maybe team 7) from any au, ‘Wolves like you can never truly be tamed, can they?’

jacksgreysonLeave a comment

That phrase is a little long for a title, wildtabbykat, so I’m going to shorten that to

Tamed

“Wolves like you can never truly be tamed, can they?”

Or, elite jounin Kakashi Hatake takes on his biggest challenge yet: adulthood.

And, you know, making sure the idiots under his care don’t die.

AKA Kakashi’s ANBU shenanigans! Probably heavily featuring a greatly hassled Tenzou, badass former captain Mikoto, way too many trips to the hospital, awkward bodyguard/babysitting missions for all of baby Team Seven, and probably a few “flash forwards” to Sasuke’s own ANBU training in which ANBU Wolf comes out of retirement long enough to mess with his adorable genin. And also, you know, to be badass himself.

Touch a single hair on his adorable genin’s head?

~Sharingan no Kakashi has arrived and is ready to murder the fuck out of people~

Which would be canon DoS interpretation of the prompt, but you did specify an AU so hm…

Hrmph… I got it!

It’s definitely going to be

Tamed

Through a series of bizarre and, frankly, unappreciated events Big Bad Wolf Kakashi has somehow found himself responsible for not one, not two, but THREE different Happily Ever Afters.

The sooner he can get these three fairy tale protagonists back on track, the sooner he can return to his lone wolf ways–he’s got a reputation to maintain, after all.

Featuring: Sasuke the angrily awake Sleeping Beauty; Naruto the Giantkiller who does less killing of giants and more talking them through their problems instead; and Cinder’kako who would prefer to stay at home and play with fire than go to some ball and get MARRIED. Ugh.

Kakashi has his work cut out for him.

I’m actually really fond of this AU now and I just made it up in five minutes. Aw, snap, I think I like this better than the canon DoS ANBU shenanigans summary.

Team Seven in a fairy tale world defying their prescribed roles and doing whatever they want. Which is becoming a group of badass heroes, obviously, with a “reluctant” Kakashi keeping them safe and “trying to bring them back to their respective stories.”

Sasuke–through the sheer power of vengeance and fury, probably–woke himself up from Itachi’s century long sleeping curse, cut his way through the wall of thorns, in order to kill his brother and revive his kingdom.

Naruto, striving to be friends with everyone–even his own villains–ends up talking it out with the giant (who might definitely be Jiraiya) and getting some cool human sized questing gear in exchange for not letting everyone know that he’s hidden himself in a cloud castle to write smut instead of running the kingdom that he “earned” by finding Princess Tsunade. She runs it better than he ever could, anyway?

Shikako is pretty self explanatory, I think. The Nara family aren’t evil so much as they are fondly exasperated at the increasingly destructive experiments happening in their backyard. They were hoping by sending her to the ball she’d get hired by the royal family as some kind of explosives expert for the kingdom’s army, but they suppose her going off questing is an equally acceptable outlet.

Kakashi really just wanted to be left alone in his forest and read the smut that Jiraiya the Giant writes. Alas, it is not to be.

Shikamaru, DOS, “Babysitting”

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Babysitting

Doing a favor for his sister probably shouldn’t feel so much like doing a D-rank mission, but apparently–despite being S-rank war heroes–Team Seven really might as well be a bunch of children.

(Or, that ONE TIME Shikako asked her brother to look after her team for a week and he STUPIDLY agreed)

The funny thing is, I’m pretty sure that Shikamaru is actually really fond of actual children. The eagerness to help out with Baby Kino, the fact that his “dream” includes having two kids. If it didn’t require so much effort, he’d probably want to be an Academy teacher.

Shikamaru loves kids. He does not love overpowered idiots who act like kids. Poor Shikamaru, the title is not literal.

I don’t exactly know what would happen in this fic except for a bunch of The Hangover-esque shenanigans. I don’t even know why Shikako needs Shikamaru to watch her team.

Probably the rest of Team Ten is helping, too, but it’s very possible that Ino and Chouji contribute to the chaos: Ino and Sai have decided to paint floral murals on the administrative building, Chouji has brought all of Kakashi’s ninken to an all you can eat barbecue restaurant. Asuma (because… maybe he’s alive I don’t know) and Naruto are trying to outdo each other with wind ninjutsu and have managed to blow off the roofs of some buildings. They might also be having an ongoing heart to heart about their vastly differing emotions regarding the Sandaime. Sasuke keeps getting into fights with the chuunin on patrol. All of them. Every chuunin, every patrol. Shikamaru can’t find Kakashi ANYWHERE.

(Kakashi is definitely the child that wanders off in the grocery store and is only found when the PA system announces a clean up is needed in aisle four, will someone please collect their strange grey-haired child)

I think maybe it’s Shikako and Yakumo’s genjutsu-fuinjutsu collaboration. Or like a seal that’s meant to self-activate whenever a genjutsu is cast on the person (like an automatic kai) except it kind of backfired and now Team Seven think they’re in a genjutsu? Actually, now that I think about it… maybe they are actual literal children via temporary de-aging? Mentally, at least 😀 

Basically, it’s Shikamaru running around trying to herd the worst cats and his own team making things EVEN WORSE.

When Shikako comes back he swears never again.