you have so many great stories and brainstorms and I love all the AU’s you create and I enjoy it when you do askbox events because it means there’s something new to look forward to each day. my fav might be Friendship is a Mutual Con so “FiaMC + headcanon” if you have any :)

Thanks, anon! I’m never sure if the ask box events are fun for anyone else besides me, so I’m glad to hear you enjoy them. (*⌒∇⌒*)

Here’s some… I guess background headcanons for what brought each of the team towards a life of crime.


Naruto bounces around foster homes and orphanages, a troublemaker and ticking time bomb that no one wants to be liable for.

Stealing things is just another survival mechanism, an especially useful one that he hones over time.

He has no idea he’s following in his parents’ footsteps.

Not even after Jiraiya takes him in and trains him properly.


Shikako becomes a thief inside out: building security systems first before realizing it’s more fun to take them apart.

Still, she has the locksmith shop–a legal revenue stream and alibi–and as far as her family knows, she just has very clingy and very strange friends.


Sasuke isn’t a thief, he’s a retrieval specialist.

Dutiful second son trying to bring honor to his family in his own way. The military has uses for boys who can fight, boys who have morals that aren’t… set in stone.

If you love something and you’re good at it, why not get paid premium for it?

An Uchiha doesn’t steal, they acquire.


Kakashi’s father will forever be known in history as the biggest scandal in the art world.

People don’t care that Sakumo Hatake had created organizations to promote the creation and preservation of art. They don’t care that his foundation sends hundreds of students each year to school on scholarships. They forget that art museums around the world have him to thank for donations and improvements and, in some cases, their continued existence.

Sakumo Hatake produced and sold over a thousand forgeries before getting caught by Interpol.

There weren’t many avenues left for Kakashi to take.


Ever since she was little, Sakura has wanted to save the world.

There’s a lot of pain and cruelty–an endless, constant amount, she knows this–but that doesn’t mean she won’t still try to help.

Her hero is the head of Doctors Without Borders.

Sometimes doing what’s right isn’t what’s legal.


Tenzo is framed.

(Yamato will never say so out loud near Kakashi-taicho, in anticipation of the inevitable painting pun)

He is framed and kicked out of Interpol–not quite on the run from his coworkers, but highly aware that he is being watched. Any false step and they will take him down.

He knows who framed him–or, at least, on whose orders they were acting on–but he doesn’t know why.

(Sai does. He’s been ordered to make sure Yamato doesn’t figure it out.)


Check out the Ask Box Author’s Cut event!

(If you’re only doing the ones on the post feel free to ignore, but) this Softer World makes me thing of Friendship Is A Mutual Con: “All aboard the friend ship! / Today we’re carrying munitions / and no running lights. / (I’ll be the Imo this time. You can be the Mont-Blanc.)”

All aboard the friend ship!
Today we’re carrying munitions
and no running lights.
(I’ll be the Imo this time. You can be the Mont-Blanc.)

It was only ever supposed to be temporary.

(There are sirens and screaming. The roaring of the flames. Dust and smoke in the air.)

Sakura knew this coming in: it was just a favor for a friend, a learning experience.

(Beneath her hands, a man screams, blood gushing out around the piece of rebar through his shoulder.)

And she has learned a lot, advanced her own skills not only in healing and fighting, but in grifting and hacking and stealing. She’s had fun and she cares for her teammates. She doesn’t regret any of it.

(She stabilizes him as best as she can–it’s not fatal, not with ambulances on the way, he’ll be brought to a hospital soon and they can do more for him there–and moves on to the next person.)

But it was only meant to be temporary.

(When she’s done with triage, she leaves with one of the ambulances, holding the hand of a woman who might lose her leg tonight.

The explosion was far too big–nothing at all like the controlled blast that was part of the plan–and no one is answering on the comms.

She follows protocol and gets out.)

The explosion knocks both of them off their feet. Sai drops his gun.

Yamato doesn’t.

“Don’t,” he warns, simply, barrel aimed perfectly even if he is awkwardly crouched against the wall and his head is aching from the collision.

Sai raises his hands, moves away from where his gun lies by his feet slow and calm and as expressionless as ever.

“Was it you?” Yamato asks, uncaring of the encroaching fire and the heat and the ringing in his ears. “Interpol showed up before the alarms went off. There’s no way they could have come here so fast unless they were warned ahead of time.”

He would know. He used to be one.

Sai doesn’t deny it, Yamato cocks his gun. They’ll probably both burn to death if they don’t leave now, but Yamato isn’t willing to leave that up to chance.

“Kakashi-taicho told me to.”

“Teammates don’t keep secrets from each other,” Sasuke grits out, praying to any god that’s listening that the ropes don’t snap. His arms are killing him, and he can see from the look on Naruto’s face that the harness is becoming painful.

The rig is only designed for one person’s weight–maybe two, tops, but definitely not three.

Shikako doesn’t answer.

“I’ll drop you,” Sasuke threatens, but doesn’t mean it. If it were a shorter fall, maybe, but at this height–this many stories up–it would kill her.

“I was trying to keep you safe,” she says, finally, and while she doesn’t really think Sasuke will drop her, she coils the rope in her free hand just in case.

Sasuke dismisses it immediately, “What, by keeping us in the dark?”

“Well… I mean. That is kind of my thing.”

Naruto snorts. Or maybe that’s a grunt of pain.

“This isn’t the time for jokes,” Sasuke scolds.

“This isn’t the time for arguing either,” Naruto wheezes out, and both of his teammates focus, “We need to get out of here.”

The elevator shaft was an impromptu haven, sliding doors heavy enough to save them from the blast, but it very well might be their death if  they don’t figure a way out of this mess.

Kakashi sits at a table, a dim lamp the only source of light in the room.

Across from him is a dead man.

“It’s nothing personal,” says the dead man, smile on his face.

It’s a struggle to put a matching smile on his own, but Kakashi isn’t a grifter in name only. “Of course not,” he says, casual and cool and not at all what he feels.

“What’s a little sabotage between friends?”


A/N: I have no concrete idea of what is or isn’t canon in the Friendship Is A (Mutual) Con ‘verse, so I don’t know if the “dead man” is Obito or… I don’t know.

Basically, this would be one of the season finale type episodes in Leverage–the one in which everything honestly goes to shit and the crew barely make it out alive (and have to disperse for several months before reuniting and getting even).

Thanks for the prompt, anon!

Number + Ship + (optional) AU –> my ask box

fake fic, dos, “seven deadly sins”

Seven Deadly Sins

Even heroes have flaws. Team Seven just happens to have more than most.

Oh anon, this has to be an extended Team Seven character study right? Like with each of the members as a respective deadly sin. I mean, I don’t know what else would match so perfectly? Let me just figure out which character is which sin, I guess?

I mean, I suppose it doesn’t necessarily have to be canon DoS extended Team Seven. Perhaps this is set in the Friendship Is A (Mutual) Con ‘verse? Regardless it’d still be character studies of sorts, perhaps different POVs of a greater heist/mission…

Actually, yeah lets go with that.

It starts with Sai, dressed up as a waiter with a platter of hors d’oeuvres. Gluttony. In his mind he’s thinking about how he’s empty. How he’s always hungry. No matter what he does or what he eats it all just tastes like ink on his tongue. Nothing can sate him. He’s a yawning black hole that consumes and consumes.

He holds the platter out, watches as a man takes one unheedingly and begins to eat. Begins to choke. The hors d’oeuvres have scallops in it and the man is allergic to shellfish. The man also has access to the building’s security system.

It’s okay, there’s a medical student in the crowd, she can mitigate the allergic reaction, and if she hands off the man’s key card to Sai while opening his shirt collar so he can breathe? Well, who notices the waitstaff?

Paramedics show up, take the man away–just in case–and Sakura is the darling of the gala just as planned. “Your necklace is beautiful,” she says to the CEO who comes to thank the hero of the hour in person.

Envy for Sakura, then. At having to play distraction. At having to stay in this relatively safe and boring role. DoS or not, she wanted to be more involved. She wants to be a proper field agent, like Shikako, wants to be where the action is not outside as decorative and useless as a flower.

Better than getting ogled and groped by ladies (and men) old enough to be his grandparent, Sasuke thinks, drifting closer and closer to the guarded doors. Lust. Probably some wordplay to make that bloodlust, too, because while he can’t exactly go around punching rich old ladies (and men) at the very least he gets to “drunkenly” fight the security team, enough for the rest of Team Seven to go through.

He gets a very stern talking to, which ought to have been getting booted out of the gala, but he does look very nice in his suit so…

Over the comms, Naruto laughs, his own outfit less formal and more “cat burglar.” Sai has control of the cameras, has been narrating the goings on of everyone for intel and for fun, as well as some of the alarms, but there’s a field of lasers and pressure sensors that can only be turned off in the morning or by a panel on the other side of the room. It’s okay, Naruto’s got this. Pride. He’s the best.

After a no doubt amazing montage of Naruto breakdancing out of the way of lasers and disarming the room for Shikako to scuttle through. There’s a vault and between the two of them they open it quickly. Inside the vault, though… they’re only supposed to take the contents of one of the boxes–the one Kakashi-sensei told them to–but somewhere in here are the blueprints for prosthetics that have been bogged down by red tape because it’s not profitable enough. Greed. She needs it for her brother.

Cut to Tenzou, arm around another guard’s neck, slowly lowering them to the ground as they fall unconscious. Sloth. He’s only supposed to be back up, doesn’t approve of this job really, why are they taking so long? They should have been in and out minutes ago.

And along comes Kakashi, sauntering in, subtly waving Sasuke and Sakura away. Eying one of the security cameras, knowing Sai will pass on the order. He wasn’t supposed to be on site, not really. It’s his job but he’s too emotionally invested. This was the company that killed Obito–and Rin, years later, when she began asking too many questions. Kakashi goes to the CEO and dispenses his Wrath.

… So… if you’ve ever watched Leverage (which I highly recommend, it’s on Netflix and maybe Hulu too?) you probably know exactly what I’m imagining here…

dreaming of sunshine, kakashi (and maybe team 7) from any au, ‘Wolves like you can never truly be tamed, can they?’

That phrase is a little long for a title, wildtabbykat, so I’m going to shorten that to


“Wolves like you can never truly be tamed, can they?”

Or, elite jounin Kakashi Hatake takes on his biggest challenge yet: adulthood.

And, you know, making sure the idiots under his care don’t die.

AKA Kakashi’s ANBU shenanigans! Probably heavily featuring a greatly hassled Tenzou, badass former captain Mikoto, way too many trips to the hospital, awkward bodyguard/babysitting missions for all of baby Team Seven, and probably a few “flash forwards” to Sasuke’s own ANBU training in which ANBU Wolf comes out of retirement long enough to mess with his adorable genin. And also, you know, to be badass himself.

Touch a single hair on his adorable genin’s head?

~Sharingan no Kakashi has arrived and is ready to murder the fuck out of people~

Which would be canon DoS interpretation of the prompt, but you did specify an AU so hm…

Hrmph… I got it!

It’s definitely going to be


Through a series of bizarre and, frankly, unappreciated events Big Bad Wolf Kakashi has somehow found himself responsible for not one, not two, but THREE different Happily Ever Afters.

The sooner he can get these three fairy tale protagonists back on track, the sooner he can return to his lone wolf ways–he’s got a reputation to maintain, after all.

Featuring: Sasuke the angrily awake Sleeping Beauty; Naruto the Giantkiller who does less killing of giants and more talking them through their problems instead; and Cinder’kako who would prefer to stay at home and play with fire than go to some ball and get MARRIED. Ugh.

Kakashi has his work cut out for him.

I’m actually really fond of this AU now and I just made it up in five minutes. Aw, snap, I think I like this better than the canon DoS ANBU shenanigans summary.

Team Seven in a fairy tale world defying their prescribed roles and doing whatever they want. Which is becoming a group of badass heroes, obviously, with a “reluctant” Kakashi keeping them safe and “trying to bring them back to their respective stories.”

Sasuke–through the sheer power of vengeance and fury, probably–woke himself up from Itachi’s century long sleeping curse, cut his way through the wall of thorns, in order to kill his brother and revive his kingdom.

Naruto, striving to be friends with everyone–even his own villains–ends up talking it out with the giant (who might definitely be Jiraiya) and getting some cool human sized questing gear in exchange for not letting everyone know that he’s hidden himself in a cloud castle to write smut instead of running the kingdom that he “earned” by finding Princess Tsunade. She runs it better than he ever could, anyway?

Shikako is pretty self explanatory, I think. The Nara family aren’t evil so much as they are fondly exasperated at the increasingly destructive experiments happening in their backyard. They were hoping by sending her to the ball she’d get hired by the royal family as some kind of explosives expert for the kingdom’s army, but they suppose her going off questing is an equally acceptable outlet.

Kakashi really just wanted to be left alone in his forest and read the smut that Jiraiya the Giant writes. Alas, it is not to be.

Could I request more Shikasuke? Maybe more of that falling-in-love-during-missions scenario? Like, they start saving/covering for each other left and right since they’re kinda suddenly hyper-aware of each other (cause love) while simultaneously being kinda absentminded bout themselves (cause love (also as absentminded as a shinobi could be, I guess lol)), and they can’t help but appreciate the other for how much they’re there for them. Haha, I’d just like to order some Shikasuke fluff, please.<3

A/N1: As part of the ask box advent calendar event, I am self-obligated to fill all asks for this month to the best of my ability, whether that means as actual writing fills or brainstorms of how I would fill it or rants about why I am unable to.

This one is pretty generic enough to be fillable, anon, so I appreciate that… If anything, it might be too generic? So I’m going to fill it as a ANBU partners!AU aka:

Further Down Road Three, (2016-12-10)

Sheep and Weasel are part of the newest batch of ANBU recruits, small and young and inexperienced. But no less powerful for the lack.

Even with hoods and masks and codenames, it’s an open secret within The Org who Sheep and Weasel are street side. And who their sensei is. Wolf has given his students fangs, and the closest to a security blanket ANBU can provide.

Supposedly, Raccoon was planning to retire–from The Org, at least–and return to general forces. But Wolf had asked him to stay a little longer–the Hokage seconded it–and so Sheep and Weasel never go on missions unless Raccoon is captain.

Their first mission is guard duty, hiding in the rafters of the Hokage’s office under the cover of a genjutsu.

Sasuke thinks this is no better than constant border patrol. Sheep is well trained not to complain out loud.

Weasel wouldn’t complain even if she were less trained, because Shikako knows what Tsunade-sama is playing at:

During a meeting with Councilman Danzo, Raccoon-taicho tenses minutely. So does Crow, their fourth, who has a familiar chakra signature and a second seal on his tongue.

Somehow, despite all the silence–maybe because of it–the two of them learn to communicate better.

On their third mission, this one outside of Konoha, Weasel purposefully turns her back on an enemy. Sheep will defeat his foe in time, will reach her in time, will protect her.

In return, she seals up the contents of one of Orochimaru’s auxiliary labs and razes the entire compound to the ground.

Soot-covered, sweaty, exhausted, Shikako smiles at Sheep from behind her mask and extends a hand.

Sasuke reaches back.

During kenjutsu training–sparring more than training, at this point, given the skill levels of both his students–Kakashi calls for a break.

One moment, his two students have swords drawn, each trying to score first blood on the other, banter exchanged nearly as quick as their blows. The next moment, they have sheathed their weapons, wordlessly in sync, shoulders pressed together and for all intents and purposes… cuddling.

He understands, though it’s odd to see from the outside: increased physical intimacy is a common side affect of being part of The Org. There are a number of cuddle sessions that he had with Gai that he certainly wouldn’t own up to if asked now.

Not that he would be asked. Anyone who would know enough to ask, knows better than to do so.

Still, seeing his students press their foreheads together–the only way for ANBU teammates to see each other’s eyes while masked–he feels…

Hm, maybe he’ll let Gai challenge him to a race today.

It’s honestly a little hilarious that, as Shikako her security clearance isn’t high enough to know what she, as Weasel, collects on missions.

And by hilarious, she means frustrating and annoying as hell.

It nags at her, over the week, while she’s on an Intel mission with Aoba-senpai. It’s to maintain cover, which means for the next week Sasuke is on patrol duty.

It’s not ideal for either of them, the two of them now trained as a pair, as a set, best together.

Shikako returns to Konoha with another scar; at the gate, Sasuke meets her with tired bags under his eyes.

Weasel takes a sword to the back and falls to the ground, still. Sheep doesn’t falter, goes after their enemies with the same, clear-headed assault as before.

If his enemies stumble over shadows, well, who are they going to tell? They’re dead.

Raccoon-taichou circles back around, his own nukenin corpse slung over his shoulder. He glances at Weasel’s skewered body, turns to Sheep and nods.

Sasuke pulls the sword out of Shikako’s back and helps her to her feet. They say nothing, but his grip around her hand is firm.

Crow returns, intentionally belated. After a pause, he says-confirms-vows, “I saw nothing.”

Danzo is not allowed to have any of this–secret abilities or otherwise.

A/N2: … this might not be what you’re looking for, anon, but I hoped you enjoyed it 🙂


Friendship Is A (Mutual) Con, a Team Seven ficlet (2016-11-16)

When asked, Nara stares blankly at them, silent and unimpressed, Uzumaki laughs, grin wide and sharp, while Uchiha closes his eyes as if their questions were of no concern.

Hatake is the only one that talks, but they almost wish he had kept his mouth shut instead.

After all, when trying to confirm the number of enemies, hearing a noncommittal answer is less than reassuring.

“There are only four Lucky Sevens,” one of the captors say, brash and absolutely wrong.

Kakashi smiles, pointedly–somehow still obvious through the mask they’ve oddly let him keep–enough that the man notices and stutters out, “A-aren’t there?”

“Well, if you say so, the other three must not be very lucky then.”

“Their comms have been destroyed,” Sai says bluntly, smile on his face; he once read that smiling could help soften bad news.

Yamato sighs, face palming, while Sakura barely resists doing the same–she’s only here to temporarily help the team, auxiliary member only, and yet…

Once this matter is cleared up, she promises to never complain about Anko-sensei’s choice of jobs again.

Their jailers are not so stupid as to keep them in the same cells, but that doesn’t make very much difference.

There’s a pipe running along the corner of Shikako’s cell, up and through the wall–she doesn’t have her gear with her, but demolition isn’t the goal right now.

The clinking of handcuffs against the pipe is answered with more clinking from beyond the wall.

Sakura is more used to following after Anko-sensei’s trail of destruction, her students near invisible in comparison, or enjoying the absolute silence of Yakumo’s technological illusions.

Just walking up and talking her way into a place is not a method she’s comfortable with, but it appears to be working.

“I’m Agent Tenzo, this is my partner Sai, and our trainee,” Yamato says with way more confidence than she’s ever seen from him, “we’re here to follow up on the explosion on the docks.”

Naruto’s restraints are over the top–elbow to fingertips behind his back–they see his muscles, the breadth of his shoulders, and think he’s the fighter on the team.

They are wrong.

He snickers, even as he curls up and tears at the hem of his trousers with his teeth, lock pick at the ready.

Yamato looks around, steadily getting more worried and angry at what he sees:

The flaming wreckage of crates and warped metal of shipping containers aren’t a surprise, but there are bullet casings littering the grounds like shiny deadly confetti.

Kakashi-senpai doesn’t use guns, and neither does his team.

Sasuke knocks his handcuffs against the pipe in a repetitive sequence, resigned to waiting for one of his teammates to get him.

Normally, he’d be all for fighting his way out, even with his hands tied behind his back, but normally he doesn’t have a gunshot wound sending spikes of pain with every breath.

Well, better him than his teammates.

The comms have been destroyed, but that doesn’t mean the secret hidden trackers have.

Of course, Sai’s not supposed to have trackers on the team–Naruto has explained it’s a violation of privacy or something irrelevant like that–but this just proves him right.

With Yamato-taichou distracted by the authorities and Sakura by the blood on the ground, Sai takes out his tablet and finds the rest of the team.

Kakashi contemplates the nature of life, twirling his set of handcuffs around one finger and waiting patiently.

He could just break out and go find his adorable students on his own, but he’s meant to be a teacher now and how will they learn if he does everything for them?

He waits another twelve minutes and is rewarded by the sounds of gangsters screaming.

The three of them get to the warehouse district in time to hear screaming and gunfire and, unsurprisingly, explosions.

The local authorities are trailing after them by a good ten minutes, nowhere near as fearless behind the wheel as Sai–though Yamato and Sakura would prefer if he had a little bit more fear, clutching at the oh shit handles with white-knuckled hands–so they have until then to clear out their wayward teammates and frame the gangsters.

No problem.


A/N: Fill for this anon; I tried to do some kind of three sentence fic non-powered criminal!AU because this rant, but I didn’t flesh it out enough, I think, so it’s kinda…

Post Word Count: 697, Running Word Count: 5744

Ask Box Three Sentence Fic, 5/? (2016-10-28)


(1 – anonymous – any!DoS, reality TV)

“Sensei,” Chef Uchiha hisses quietly, but not quiet enough that the cameras don’t pick it up, “we’re fifteen minutes into cooking and you haven’t told us the menu yet.”

“Maa,” says Iron Chef Hatake, in the classic blasé attitude which makes him a fan favorite, “I’m sure you’ll come up with something; I have very dependable and cute sous chefs, after all.”

And, as always at least once per episode: Chef Uchiha seethes, Chef Uzumaki shouts, and Chef Nara sighs, looking straight at the camera.


(2 – anonymous – Kakashi as their teacher, modern!AU, playing favorites)

Every year, Professor Hatake chooses four students to intern at his law firm: this year’s a little different–not even counting all the murder and media and madness–because this year, he chooses five.

“I didn’t think he even knew my name,” Sakura says, a little bit in shock, “he just calls me Pinky.”

Tenzo–Yamato?–Hatake’s associate lawyer looks them over and says, “I’d offer congratulations, but I don’t think you know what you’ve gotten yourselves into.”


(3 – anonymous – Shikako/Lee, fighting together)

It’s not that they complete each other,
two halves of a whole,
his taijutsu and spirit
with her ninjutsu and cunning.

It’s that they both share a rhythm,
an unbeatable upward climb,
no chakra, no chance,
every obstacle thrown their way.

They don’t need balance,
no grounding, no anchors,
they propel each other,
further, faster, forward.


(4 – anonymous – Walking Around ‘verse Team Seven)

The first time they hear Boruto laugh–a bitter, vicious thing–Sakako and Mitsuki realize that good men do not always make good fathers.

The first time they hear Sakako laugh, bubbling quietly like a stream, Mitsuki and Boruto share identical expressions of victory.

The first time they hear Mitsuki laugh, a surprise for all three of them, Boruto and Sakako join in moments later, happy to be alive.


(5 – @byebyebriar – even more 3.4, Shikako/Gaara, modern royalty!AU and beleaguered PR person)

Jinzo fondly remembers the years when Gaara-sama’s need for public relations was minimal and manageable: unfortunately, his job has become infinitely more difficult since Her Royal Majesty’s coronation.

He has an entire team now, which is supposed to make things easier but in fact just means more idiot children to wrangle–not even including the recalcitrant Leaf girl who started this whole mess.

Jinzo presses a hand to the throbbing vein in his forehead and bites out, reluctantly, “What do you mean you can’t find His Highness?”


A/N: Some Iron Chef for anonymous 1 and some How To Get Away With Murder for anonymous 2. And I guess some pseudo-poetry for anonymous 3? Anonymous 4 may not have been prompting for three sentence fic, but they get it anyway, and @byebyebriar you are awesome as always! 😀

Down Every Road: Or, Some Ways Shikako and Sasuke Get Together, 3/? (2016-06-11)

(three: ANBU partners)

ANBU are trained in pairs–this, at least, Danzo did right in his perversion, ROOT.

ANBU candidates are inducted in pairs. Share a call sign and a mask design. They are taught together, fight together; succeed or fail together.

Live and breath and die together.

At least, until they leave ANBU.

But even then…

How could anything or anyone compare after that?

Trainees Mouse aren’t the youngest ANBU trainees in Konoha’s history, nor are they the strongest or smartest or the ones with most potential. No, Konoha has seen its fair share of genii, and while Trainees Mouse might be on the list, they are certainly not the top of the list.

But they are… something. Something interesting and compelling and powerful, just waiting to be unleashed.

Or smothered completely before their prime.

Or appropriated for someone else’s benefit.

The problem with being famous is that, when it comes to being part of an organization where anonymity is the key to success, all sorts of actions become all the more difficult.

Never mind faces and names–if an enemy combatant doesn’t recognize Nara shadow jutsu or instant-touch fuinjutsu, they must have been living under a rock for the past few months. And even then–Iwa has been fairly obsessive when it comes to gathering information about Konoha’s budding fuinjutsu master.

“I’ll never be allowed on the field,” Shikako groans, all but collapsing to the ground, body cover in all sorts of new aches. For now, Raccoon-taichou allows it, but only because even he must be bored of knocking her around the training room so easily. Taijutsu is not her best skill; and its for that reason why she’s being drilled in it.

“Don’t say that,” Sasuke mutters, dropping into a crouch beside her and rearranging her so her muscles won’t seize up in an awkward position. “If you can’t go out on the field, I’ll never get to, either. And that was the whole point of me joining ANBU.”

Shikako groans again, a wordless thing muffled into the crook of her elbow, before picking herself back up and readying herself for another round of getting her ass kicked.

The worst thing is? She asked for this.

Shikako really shouldn’t be complaining, because it’s true: Sasuke’s only chance of leaving Konoha again–barring the sudden and definitive death of Orochimaru–is by being ANBU.

There are no such limitations on her. In fact, due to her reputation and showing during the Grass Chuunin Exams, Shikako might very well be better off going on missions with her own face and name. She knows there have been some clients specifically requesting her, though due to the rank and nature of them, they’ve been politely redirected to other more suitable shinobi.

As far as the rest of the world knows, after Shikako’s sudden sky-rocket to the rank of special jounin, she’s been set aside as inactive for some much needed training. And, well, they’re not wrong. She does actually do shifts in Intel and train with the other sensors and both she and Sasuke have morning kenjutsu practice with Kakashi-sensei. But mostly?

That’s all just a cover for her real training to become ANBU.

Even within ANBU there’s a hierarchy:

There are the ones who are in it only for a year; chuunin hoping to get some experience, a quick and dirty way to qualify for a promotion.

There are the ones who–knowing they’ll never become jounin, and certainly not one of the elites ones with their names whispered in fear and awe–devote themselves until they break.

And then are the ones who, despite the masks and the codenames, become legends unto themselves.

ANBU Wolf was one.

So it’s no surprise that everyone watches his students with such expectant and interested eyes.

Everyone. Even the unwanted ones.

Shikako knows, more than most, how poorly Sasuke reacts to things being kept secret from him.

But she also understands, more than anyone, that some secrets do need to stay secret. At least for a while.

And so, until then, Shikako will do her part to keep them from her partner. Unless her guilt gets to her first.

Or Danzo gets to them both.

They make it through training. Through monstrous taijutsu spars and sleep-deprivation tactics. They memorize the entirety of ANBU’s codes and hand signals and protocols, undergo poison resistance treatments and pain tolerance augmentation. They survive and thrive and make it through completely.

Sasuke has increased his jutsu lexicon to respectable levels and Shikako has fended off Danzo’s overtures to join ROOT at least half a dozen times. Truly, there is no better measure of success, and so when it’s time for them to officially become ANBU she can’t help but be eager.

“Your new codename is Sheep,” Raccoon-taichou says, presenting Sasuke with his new mask. Despite the cuddly name, it does look rather fierce–or at least, now that she’s learned to interpret the swirling lines of color. There is the general shape of a face, and spirals at the temple to represent horns. A ram, maybe, which is not so bad.

Sasuke steps back, settling his new mask on his face, so she can step forward.

Raccoon-taichou holds out her new mask and startles, a minute twitch of his shoulders; in anyone else, that’d probably be a full-body judder and him dropping the mask.

He is silent for a moment.

“Taichou?” Shikako prompts, concerned but wary.

Again, he startles, an almost imperceptible shake of his head.

“Your new codename is Weasel,” he says, holding out the mask.

She almost doesn’t want to put it on. She can feel the way Sasuke has tensed at the name, knows her shoulders are just as tight.

This is Danzo’s last move, but it’s a good one. Terrible, but smart. A simple way to put a strain on their partnership, but easily within his means and something he can plausibly deny.

But she will not let this last shot in the dark hurt her, will not give in to him. She takes the mask and the name, turns to her partner and nods.

They can get through this. They can get through anything, so long as they are together.


A/N: I don’t know what Yamato/Tenzo’s ANBU call sign is, but I’ve decided on Raccoon if that’s okay.

For anonymous who wanted some Shikasuke and Stress… though I didn’t really get into the feelings of it so much as I just blathered on about ANBU. Buuut hopefully my point has gotten across. 🙂

Fake Fic Summaries 10/?, the triple fusion edition (2015-11-07)

A/N1: I didn’t want to have two missed posts in a row, even if this is just barely sufficient. So here are three sort of fusion/crossover fics from various fandoms that I’ve been pondering but wouldn’t want to or really know where to start.

1) DCU x Assassin’s Creed

While training with Shiva, Tim Drake learns the truth behind a secret centuries-long conflict, the League of Assassins, and his own history. Five years later, the lost heir to Drake Industries and the Robin-that-wasn’t returns to Gotham.

In which Ra’s league is actually the Templars misappropriating the Assassin name and Tim’s legacy comes with a heavy set of responsibilities.

Visited my BFF and she was playing Assassin’s Creed III. Basically, while we were both having intense feelings over Conner and his doomed fate, I wondered a little about a possible fusion. At first, I considered Damian since he’s literally an assassin baby, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that there’s no way that Ra’s was an Assassin fighting for people’s right to freedom. No, he’s more like a Templar–fight for “peace” through order. But then… why is his organization called the League of Assassins?

Likely, the real Assassins are few in number and scattered, losing the war against the Templars. Shiva is one such true assassin and, having discovered Tim’s lineage, decided to teach him about his own heritage. And this was one of the few ways where I can picture Tim being derailed from his duties as Robin.

2) Star vs The Forces of Evil x Elementary

When there are cases that stump other psychiatrists, they refer to Dr. Marco Diaz. For a such a bland seeming man, he has a talent with the more unusual patients.

Then he gets a call from a completely different dimension. He’s about to get a client who redefines the definition of unusual and an adventure for a lifetime.

This one, I admit, I was mostly influenced by me binge-watching Elementary and Star vs The Forces of Evil within the past month. Because the idea of a bewildered but competent adult psychiatrist Marco being drawn into the eccentric and conflicted Star’s evil/crime fighting paralleled Joan and Sherlock’s relationship very easily to me. Also, Tom and his demon horde as Irene/Moriarty? I dunno.

3) Naruto x Avatar the Last Airbender

In which Sai can only express his heritage through art, Sakura rails against her role as a pink-haired novelty, Sasuke is still the last of his red-eyed fire-breathing clan, and Naruto will not let the Air Nomads be forgotten–even if he was a shameful abomination in their opinion.

Also includes Kakashi, the first moon-blessed baby to fire-bend, and Yamato/Tenzo, who can’t bend anything but plants.

Basically, expanded Team Seven in the Avatar universe! Because the elements match up pretty well with Sai being a water-bender, Sakura as earth, Sasuke as fire, and Naruto as air. As for Naruto being a “shameful abomination” I
was trying to figure out what would be a jinchuuriki equivalent but then I remembered that, as far as we know, air-benders can also be spirit-benders. So what if Minato, the pride of the Air Nomads, took a journey into the Spirit World, fell in love with Kushina a fox spirit, and had a half-spirit half-human baby Naruto.

Then considering Kakashi’s white hair but lightning affinity I figured well… maybe his father was Water Tribe, therefore, moon-blessed but his mother was Fire Nation. Which could take the place of Sakumo’s failed mission–like, if he was considered a traitor to the tribe and so he left to have his family. But then Kakashi’s mother died and so Sakumo had no tribe, no wife, and a baby who he tried his best with. But grief/depression being what it is… well.

As for Yamato/Tenzo… I’ll be honest, I don’t know that much about him? Like… he’s got some Senju DNA and he was in ROOT/ANBU but not anymore? I dunno. Maybe I can have some kind of Dai Li subplot with him but… mreh.

Anyway, I figure this kind of happens concurrently with the series. So they’re all roughly the same age as the characters of the show. Even Aang and Naruto–Aang having been frozen in an iceberg and Naruto having some strange sort of slowed aging/immortality and having lived the century out. Well… maybe he was asleep too. I dunno. I know that throws off the Kakashi and Minato mentor/student relationship but I’m kind of fond of the idea…

Ooh! What if the Uchiha clan had Naruto sealed, but then Itachi did his whole massacre the clan thing but this time it was because he was such a principled person. Like, he couldn’t stand the idea that his clan’s success/status in the Fire Nation was because they had essentially enslaved a sentient being. So he kills them all (except Sasuke), sets Naruto free, then gets imprisoned. I dunno.

I also don’t want Sakura’s story to parallel Toph’s too much. Er, I suppose in my head her story would shake out a little bit to something like the shoujo manga Akagami no Shirayuki-hime. Aka Red-haired Snow White. In which a red-haired “commoner” is chosen to be a prince’s concubine because of her rare red hair, instead of agreeing, Shirayuki basically cuts off her hair, leaves for the neighboring kingdom in order to become a pharmacist/doctor, and accidentally meets/falls in love with the neighboring kingdom’s prince. It’s great, go read it, it’s super cute.