fake fic, dos, “seven deadly sins”

Seven Deadly Sins

Even heroes have flaws. Team Seven just happens to have more than most.

Oh anon, this has to be an extended Team Seven character study right? Like with each of the members as a respective deadly sin. I mean, I don’t know what else would match so perfectly? Let me just figure out which character is which sin, I guess?

I mean, I suppose it doesn’t necessarily have to be canon DoS extended Team Seven. Perhaps this is set in the Friendship Is A (Mutual) Con ‘verse? Regardless it’d still be character studies of sorts, perhaps different POVs of a greater heist/mission…

Actually, yeah lets go with that.

It starts with Sai, dressed up as a waiter with a platter of hors d’oeuvres. Gluttony. In his mind he’s thinking about how he’s empty. How he’s always hungry. No matter what he does or what he eats it all just tastes like ink on his tongue. Nothing can sate him. He’s a yawning black hole that consumes and consumes.

He holds the platter out, watches as a man takes one unheedingly and begins to eat. Begins to choke. The hors d’oeuvres have scallops in it and the man is allergic to shellfish. The man also has access to the building’s security system.

It’s okay, there’s a medical student in the crowd, she can mitigate the allergic reaction, and if she hands off the man’s key card to Sai while opening his shirt collar so he can breathe? Well, who notices the waitstaff?

Paramedics show up, take the man away–just in case–and Sakura is the darling of the gala just as planned. “Your necklace is beautiful,” she says to the CEO who comes to thank the hero of the hour in person.

Envy for Sakura, then. At having to play distraction. At having to stay in this relatively safe and boring role. DoS or not, she wanted to be more involved. She wants to be a proper field agent, like Shikako, wants to be where the action is not outside as decorative and useless as a flower.

Better than getting ogled and groped by ladies (and men) old enough to be his grandparent, Sasuke thinks, drifting closer and closer to the guarded doors. Lust. Probably some wordplay to make that bloodlust, too, because while he can’t exactly go around punching rich old ladies (and men) at the very least he gets to “drunkenly” fight the security team, enough for the rest of Team Seven to go through.

He gets a very stern talking to, which ought to have been getting booted out of the gala, but he does look very nice in his suit so…

Over the comms, Naruto laughs, his own outfit less formal and more “cat burglar.” Sai has control of the cameras, has been narrating the goings on of everyone for intel and for fun, as well as some of the alarms, but there’s a field of lasers and pressure sensors that can only be turned off in the morning or by a panel on the other side of the room. It’s okay, Naruto’s got this. Pride. He’s the best.

After a no doubt amazing montage of Naruto breakdancing out of the way of lasers and disarming the room for Shikako to scuttle through. There’s a vault and between the two of them they open it quickly. Inside the vault, though… they’re only supposed to take the contents of one of the boxes–the one Kakashi-sensei told them to–but somewhere in here are the blueprints for prosthetics that have been bogged down by red tape because it’s not profitable enough. Greed. She needs it for her brother.

Cut to Tenzou, arm around another guard’s neck, slowly lowering them to the ground as they fall unconscious. Sloth. He’s only supposed to be back up, doesn’t approve of this job really, why are they taking so long? They should have been in and out minutes ago.

And along comes Kakashi, sauntering in, subtly waving Sasuke and Sakura away. Eying one of the security cameras, knowing Sai will pass on the order. He wasn’t supposed to be on site, not really. It’s his job but he’s too emotionally invested. This was the company that killed Obito–and Rin, years later, when she began asking too many questions. Kakashi goes to the CEO and dispenses his Wrath.

… So… if you’ve ever watched Leverage (which I highly recommend, it’s on Netflix and maybe Hulu too?) you probably know exactly what I’m imagining here…