I don’t know how to make things right.
So I’ll just keep pretending
that nothing’s wrong.
(you know that I’m no good)
Kakashi wakes up with a paw to the face followed by the slobbery swipe of a dog’s tongue. Three thumps of furry bodies jumping up onto the bed and he’s edged out to the floor.
Better than an alarm clock.
“To the pound, all of you,” he groans into the floor, before Naruto comes running in behind Guruko, laughter loud and bright. Kakashi gets stepped on twice more, and in moments his bed is filled with seven dogs and one kid and no Kakashi.
“All of you,” he repeats, vowing revenge, to an audience of overly pleased faces, “even you Naruto.”
His vengeance is ignored.
“First day of school! First day of school!” Naruto cheers, and all of the dogs start barking and howling along because this is Kakashi’s life and so nobody in this house is well behaved whatsoever.
When Kakashi is eight years old, his father commits suicide, leaving him orphaned.
It takes a few months, but he’s lucky enough to be adopted by Minato, who was nice and patient and far too good for the surly, angry mess that was a child Kakashi.
A decade later, Minato dies, leaving Kakashi orphaned once more, this time with a baby to take care of.
He tries his best, really, but just because Kakashi is no longer so surly or angry, doesn’t make him any less of a disaster.
Kakashi drives an SUV, top of the line, with all the latest tech and safety features and a healthy coating of dog hair on the upholstery no matter how many lint rollers and vacuum cleanings he attacks it with.
He used to ride a motorcycle with a sidecar for his dogs, but the first (and only) time Gai saw him trying to load a carseat in it, he was highly encouraged into buying a real vehicle.
Normally, Kakashi would ignore Gai’s nagging, especially considering Gai’s definition of cool is vastly different from his own, but given Gai had recently gotten custody of his nephew, one year older than Naruto, he’ll gladly defer to the one with slightly more experience.
(And if that means he can foist Naruto off onto Gai for weekly playdates with Lee, well, nobody’s complaining).
The thing is, he did like Kushina, strange as she was; a weird rock lady with mystical abilities and a literal alien mindset. But she was fun and interesting and kind and made Minato so happy. She made life exciting.
Maybe too exciting.
But that’s not fair.
It’s not Kushina’s fault that the Kyuubi attacked.
There’s a room in the house that Kakashi can’t open. There is no door handle, no hinges, just a single cabochon the same color as the gem on Naruto’s belly.
He probably should have been more worried when dinner passed–ramen, even!–and Naruto didn’t appear. But none of the dogs were concerned when he asked them, waving their tails and hoping for leftovers.
At the very least, he should have put two and two together.
Three hours later, when Kakashi’s on the brink of forming a search team despite the dogs’ blasé attitudes, the door bursts open: Naruto rolling across the ground, inelegantly fighting a kid with an obsidian in his forehead. They bust a hole in one wall, knock over a shelf of books, break the bathroom sink, and nearly flood the whole first floor. The dogs remain unconcerned, Kakashi is far less amused.
Later he’ll learn that inside the room he can’t open, Naruto found an obsidian inside a bubble and popped it. Because that’s the kind of shining example of decision making prowess he’s been living with.
This is how they meet Sasuke.
Meeting Shikako requires a lot less clean up, but raises far more questions than answers.
Kakashi never really considered the implications of Naruto’s existence, beyond not accidentally poisoning or otherwise killing the small life he’d been put in charge of. And he tried his best because Naruto was Minato’s son, and Kakashi couldn’t do less than that.
But Naruto is also Kushina’s son and that has an entire legacy that Kakashi can’t possibly comprehend.
A/N: Hell yeah you can prompt more than once, to-someplace-else! ( ˘ ³˘)♥ I’m glad you liked the Pokemon ficlets and I hope you like this one, too.
Human disaster Kakashi trying to raise a half human half gem kid (with the help of seven dogs and Gai).
Number + Ship + (optional) AU –> my ask box
[If anyone else wants to do a softer world prompt that isn’t on the list, you can just send the page id number for the original comic instead.]