fake fic, dos, “seven deadly sins”

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Seven Deadly Sins

Even heroes have flaws. Team Seven just happens to have more than most.

Oh anon, this has to be an extended Team Seven character study right? Like with each of the members as a respective deadly sin. I mean, I don’t know what else would match so perfectly? Let me just figure out which character is which sin, I guess?

I mean, I suppose it doesn’t necessarily have to be canon DoS extended Team Seven. Perhaps this is set in the Friendship Is A (Mutual) Con ‘verse? Regardless it’d still be character studies of sorts, perhaps different POVs of a greater heist/mission…

Actually, yeah lets go with that.

It starts with Sai, dressed up as a waiter with a platter of hors d’oeuvres. Gluttony. In his mind he’s thinking about how he’s empty. How he’s always hungry. No matter what he does or what he eats it all just tastes like ink on his tongue. Nothing can sate him. He’s a yawning black hole that consumes and consumes.

He holds the platter out, watches as a man takes one unheedingly and begins to eat. Begins to choke. The hors d’oeuvres have scallops in it and the man is allergic to shellfish. The man also has access to the building’s security system.

It’s okay, there’s a medical student in the crowd, she can mitigate the allergic reaction, and if she hands off the man’s key card to Sai while opening his shirt collar so he can breathe? Well, who notices the waitstaff?

Paramedics show up, take the man away–just in case–and Sakura is the darling of the gala just as planned. “Your necklace is beautiful,” she says to the CEO who comes to thank the hero of the hour in person.

Envy for Sakura, then. At having to play distraction. At having to stay in this relatively safe and boring role. DoS or not, she wanted to be more involved. She wants to be a proper field agent, like Shikako, wants to be where the action is not outside as decorative and useless as a flower.

Better than getting ogled and groped by ladies (and men) old enough to be his grandparent, Sasuke thinks, drifting closer and closer to the guarded doors. Lust. Probably some wordplay to make that bloodlust, too, because while he can’t exactly go around punching rich old ladies (and men) at the very least he gets to “drunkenly” fight the security team, enough for the rest of Team Seven to go through.

He gets a very stern talking to, which ought to have been getting booted out of the gala, but he does look very nice in his suit so…

Over the comms, Naruto laughs, his own outfit less formal and more “cat burglar.” Sai has control of the cameras, has been narrating the goings on of everyone for intel and for fun, as well as some of the alarms, but there’s a field of lasers and pressure sensors that can only be turned off in the morning or by a panel on the other side of the room. It’s okay, Naruto’s got this. Pride. He’s the best.

After a no doubt amazing montage of Naruto breakdancing out of the way of lasers and disarming the room for Shikako to scuttle through. There’s a vault and between the two of them they open it quickly. Inside the vault, though… they’re only supposed to take the contents of one of the boxes–the one Kakashi-sensei told them to–but somewhere in here are the blueprints for prosthetics that have been bogged down by red tape because it’s not profitable enough. Greed. She needs it for her brother.

Cut to Tenzou, arm around another guard’s neck, slowly lowering them to the ground as they fall unconscious. Sloth. He’s only supposed to be back up, doesn’t approve of this job really, why are they taking so long? They should have been in and out minutes ago.

And along comes Kakashi, sauntering in, subtly waving Sasuke and Sakura away. Eying one of the security cameras, knowing Sai will pass on the order. He wasn’t supposed to be on site, not really. It’s his job but he’s too emotionally invested. This was the company that killed Obito–and Rin, years later, when she began asking too many questions. Kakashi goes to the CEO and dispenses his Wrath.

… So… if you’ve ever watched Leverage (which I highly recommend, it’s on Netflix and maybe Hulu too?) you probably know exactly what I’m imagining here…

dreaming of sunshine, kakashi (and maybe team 7) from any au, ‘Wolves like you can never truly be tamed, can they?’

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That phrase is a little long for a title, wildtabbykat, so I’m going to shorten that to

Tamed

“Wolves like you can never truly be tamed, can they?”

Or, elite jounin Kakashi Hatake takes on his biggest challenge yet: adulthood.

And, you know, making sure the idiots under his care don’t die.

AKA Kakashi’s ANBU shenanigans! Probably heavily featuring a greatly hassled Tenzou, badass former captain Mikoto, way too many trips to the hospital, awkward bodyguard/babysitting missions for all of baby Team Seven, and probably a few “flash forwards” to Sasuke’s own ANBU training in which ANBU Wolf comes out of retirement long enough to mess with his adorable genin. And also, you know, to be badass himself.

Touch a single hair on his adorable genin’s head?

~Sharingan no Kakashi has arrived and is ready to murder the fuck out of people~

Which would be canon DoS interpretation of the prompt, but you did specify an AU so hm…

Hrmph… I got it!

It’s definitely going to be

Tamed

Through a series of bizarre and, frankly, unappreciated events Big Bad Wolf Kakashi has somehow found himself responsible for not one, not two, but THREE different Happily Ever Afters.

The sooner he can get these three fairy tale protagonists back on track, the sooner he can return to his lone wolf ways–he’s got a reputation to maintain, after all.

Featuring: Sasuke the angrily awake Sleeping Beauty; Naruto the Giantkiller who does less killing of giants and more talking them through their problems instead; and Cinder’kako who would prefer to stay at home and play with fire than go to some ball and get MARRIED. Ugh.

Kakashi has his work cut out for him.

I’m actually really fond of this AU now and I just made it up in five minutes. Aw, snap, I think I like this better than the canon DoS ANBU shenanigans summary.

Team Seven in a fairy tale world defying their prescribed roles and doing whatever they want. Which is becoming a group of badass heroes, obviously, with a “reluctant” Kakashi keeping them safe and “trying to bring them back to their respective stories.”

Sasuke–through the sheer power of vengeance and fury, probably–woke himself up from Itachi’s century long sleeping curse, cut his way through the wall of thorns, in order to kill his brother and revive his kingdom.

Naruto, striving to be friends with everyone–even his own villains–ends up talking it out with the giant (who might definitely be Jiraiya) and getting some cool human sized questing gear in exchange for not letting everyone know that he’s hidden himself in a cloud castle to write smut instead of running the kingdom that he “earned” by finding Princess Tsunade. She runs it better than he ever could, anyway?

Shikako is pretty self explanatory, I think. The Nara family aren’t evil so much as they are fondly exasperated at the increasingly destructive experiments happening in their backyard. They were hoping by sending her to the ball she’d get hired by the royal family as some kind of explosives expert for the kingdom’s army, but they suppose her going off questing is an equally acceptable outlet.

Kakashi really just wanted to be left alone in his forest and read the smut that Jiraiya the Giant writes. Alas, it is not to be.

for the fake fic titles challenge: ‘blitzkrieg” kuroko no basuke, with kuroko and anyone else of your choice

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Anon! Anoooooooooon! Aaaaaaaah! This would be the perfect title for the Trailblazers x KnB crossover I’ve been doing. I would totally love to use this as the title for that. Pleeeeeeease? It technically fits your prompt?

If not, then I guess a non crossover fic would probably be something like:

Blitzkrieg

Speed, strength, surprise–the three factors to victory. He has the last–has it in spades–but the first two?

He’s going to need help with that.

Okay so not a crossover, but maybe a slight AU. Unsure if I just want a Canon Divergence AU or an Age Swap AU, but basically after the Generation of Miracles falls apart in their Melodramatic Boy Band Breakup™, Kuroko finds the Aida gym (or is guided to the Aida gym?) and he and Riko become Friends™ where she basically whips him into shape.

He’ll never be Miracles worthy physically, but combined with a more active training of his misdirection and increase in his base ability will compound.

And along with Riko come the other second years who basically, as per canon, help Kuroko get over the Melodramatic Boy Band Breakup™ through the power of Friendship™.

Or maybe not second years if I do an Age Swap and Kuroko is the one that’s a year older. Hm, how would that even work?

Oh man, but that makes it sad since if Kuroko is a second year at Seirin and the basketball team doesn’t come about until Riko, Hyuuga, and Kiyoshi become first years then that means Kuroko deliberately chose to go to a school that didn’t have a basketball team. Which means the split up Generation of Miracles brawled it out their first year of high school without Kuroko and probably did not get the Emotional Closure™ they desperately needed.

That’s so awful.

I love it.

And it kind of puts an interesting spin on the Uncrowned Generals because they weren’t senpai swept away by a bunch of kouhai. They’re kouhai striving to match their senpai. Which, I mean, is kind of the usual and doesn’t seem all that compelling, but the idea that the Miracles is a kind of “one day maybe I’ll be that good” goal instead of a natural talent and good fortune sort of helps with the hard work can turn someone into a Miracle which Kuroko’s training would be aimed at.

Or perhaps, at first, it’s not really training.

Maybe Kuroko is Heartbroken™ after Melodramatic Boy Band Breakup™ but he isn’t ready to go back to basketball, which is why he chooses Seirin which has no team, but he still want to be ready and in shape for when/if he does go back. And I legit have no idea what his canon home life is like (headcanon is that it’s just really empty and sad) and he doesn’t even have a dog in this AU so maybe he tries to get a job at the Aida gym. He doesn’t really need money, since his parents are providers if nothing else, but he just wants a reason to be out of the house.

Most places he can’t really work at because his unconscious misdirection means he can’t really be in customer service jobs or even, you know, apply. But while the Aidas aren’t immune to his misdirection, they do kind of learn the trick to perceive Kuroko and it’s not like he’s working there to be a trainer. He’s probably just doing stuff like cleaning the equipment, making sure everything thing is organized properly.

OH!

So when Riko becomes a first year and the basketball team is being made at first she asks Kuroko to be the manager 😀

Because he already does basically that at the gym and it’s not like he’s told her the truth about the Melodramatic Boy Band Breakup™ so as far as she knows he was just a third string on the Teikou team–loved the sport but couldn’t play at all. Which isn’t exactly wrong.

Oh man! Yeah! And then Seirin’s first practice game Kisei’s just like–wtf, Kurokocchi why are you not in a uniform? And everyone’s just baffled because Kuroko is their manager and why is a Miracle talking to him?

Unsure how old Kagami should be… He wouldn’t go to a school with no basketball team, surely, so he wouldn’t have gone to Seirin if he were also age swapped like Kuroko. He could be a new second year, I guess… hm…

Uh. My bad, I’ve gotten off track.

Basically, anon, Age Swap Kuroko and Riko Friendship™

(But please can I use the title for the Trailblazers x KnB crossover series, please?)

I think we need some silly fluff to even out the bomb SQ dropped these pasr fee chapters. I love the earlier prompts of Team 7 doing things like going grocery shopping in the middle of the night. Can I get more of that? Like, just general shenanigans Team 7 gets up to that weirds people out because it’s crazy and they’re all tired, but it’s so endearing because hey, look at these crazy dorks having fun and being all crazy. Aaaa // v \

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I know what you mean, anon, these past few chapters have been quite heavy hitters. I personally was expecting some espionage and politics not actual eldritch horror O_O

Right now I’m still in the middle of the ask box fake fic titles event, so if you want to send some fake fic titles my way you could do that?

I’m pretty sure my brainstorms for fake fic aren’t as ominous as this most recent arc is, though I’ll admit they aren’t nearly as fluffy as the Team Seven shenanigans of the ask box three sentence fic event. Mostly because no one has yet specified for fluffy…

So the masterlist for the fandom fics (which are pretty great! I especially like Cloud’s sibling) but do you have a way to find your original fic back easily? A tag or something is fine, (I remember this great little short with the fairies you did) (I mean, I know most of what you do is some kind of loose bits of superhero/superpowered thing with enough sense of developed characters behind it that it reminds me of a non-grimdark sort of Worm Wildbow thing, but the fairy fic stuck with me.

jacksgreysonLeave a comment

Thanks nimmenstjer! I’m glad you like my writing (I’m also glad someone else besides me is fond of Windy Strife).

As you said, my original fic isn’t as organized as my fanfic so unless they’re deliberately part of a series (or about a particular character) then it’s kind of just a giant mess of unrelated posts vaguely set in the same overall universe.

But all of my original fic are tagged with “original fiction” (as opposed to all my fanfic and brainstorms of fanfic being tagged with “fanfiction” and all of my original nonfiction having “original nonfiction”) and I think the fairy ficlet that you might be thinking of is this one?

Hope this helps and thanks again for reading 🙂

“Desperate Endeavors,” Shikako and Kakashi (Dreaming of Sunshine)?

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Desperate Endeavors

The first rule of Team Seven is ‘no dying.’

Shikako and Kakashi have seventy two hours to stick to that rule.

(Or, in which Tsukuyomi isn’t torture. It’s a Trial.)

Non canonical, obviously, but basically the first thought that came to me from the title was as Orpheus and Eurydice-esque vibe. Platonic, please.

I had actually pictured it more of a literal death and Shikako, having been dead before, would be the best choice to guide Kakashi back. But I couldn’t really figure out the mechanics of how that would work or how Shikako would know it would work and as much as I think Shikako loves Kakashi (again, platonically) I don’t think she’d risk dying for such a minuscule chance to revive him when there are so many other people she loves that would be there to stop her.

If it were for Shikamaru, definitely. Naruto, she’d have to. Sasuke, probably? But with Kakashi, I don’t know… there’s a sense of… not only would other people not want Shikako to do it, but Kakashi wouldn’t want her to either? I’m pretty sure I’ve written this somewhere, but his greatest fear is putting one of his precious people in danger–him being the cause of their deaths (again)–and it’s DoS canon for the Hospital arc that he can barely accept them pulling a couple of all-nighters researching to save his life much less Shikako literally entering the death plane with much risk to her mortal soul. Or whatever deal she’d have to strike with the Shinigami or Gelel.

So literal death was out.

And then I remembered, hey, they were both in Tsukuyomi at the same time. And that’s… kiiinda like a death plane. So I figured, what if Tsukuyomi weren’t so much a set it and forget it torture genjutsu as it was an astral plane that just happened to be full of torture.

Like. Maybe Itachi just never used it on more than one person at a time? Maybe, given how much of a “pacifist” he is, torturing people mentally is something he does for a personal touch? Or not often enough to realize that there’s more to Tsukuyomi than the set it and forget it torture? I dunno.

But the point is, during their seventy two hours / one month of being in Tsukuyomi, Shikako and Kakashi basically break out of their isolated torture bubbles, find each other, and try to escape. It’s Bizarro Konoha featuring seven year old Shikako and barely-in-his-twenties Kakashi.

Maybe they stumble on the other victims of Tsukuyomi–or their shades, as such–in their own isolated torture bubbles. Including bby!Sasuke, poor child. Maybe they meet Shisui and he helps them out? MAYBE THEY MEET MIKOTO?!

I suppose it’d basically be a two person version of Lies Beyond Morning, except less head-trip-y and more run/escape the nightmare. I do like the idea of both of them being in their seven-years-ago-bodies and Kakashi having to bodily carry Shikako around because she is very small now and they are up against an army of Itachis and she cannot run very fast. Curse these short legs.

Maybe it’s a little bit of a… like when Ino went up against Orochimaru’s horcrux. Information goldmine, but at what cost. Like a leftover roadmap to Itachi’s mind (so I suppose more Inception than Kingdom Hearts), and if the two of them don’t get caught then they can uncover the truth behind the Uchiha Massacre. I mean, Shikako already knows. But this is a way for her to share what she knows with someone else. And, also, getting to the “safe” means getting out/waking up.

Sorry, I am the bad Way Down We Go promoter. I was thinking more like: Shikako and Shikaku especially after the most recent chapter. If you don’t mind doing it.

jacksgreysonLeave a comment

Eh… it’d be a bit of a repeat, anon. And, well, the fic would be as you described? A coda to chapter 130 with Shikako and Shikaku feels? Probably Shikaku’s POV about his tiny daughter flinging herself into more and more dangerous situations.

But that’s also already kind of like the chapter 98 coda, Sunshine Sidestories ch 16, so…

Shikamaru, DOS, “Babysitting”

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Babysitting

Doing a favor for his sister probably shouldn’t feel so much like doing a D-rank mission, but apparently–despite being S-rank war heroes–Team Seven really might as well be a bunch of children.

(Or, that ONE TIME Shikako asked her brother to look after her team for a week and he STUPIDLY agreed)

The funny thing is, I’m pretty sure that Shikamaru is actually really fond of actual children. The eagerness to help out with Baby Kino, the fact that his “dream” includes having two kids. If it didn’t require so much effort, he’d probably want to be an Academy teacher.

Shikamaru loves kids. He does not love overpowered idiots who act like kids. Poor Shikamaru, the title is not literal.

I don’t exactly know what would happen in this fic except for a bunch of The Hangover-esque shenanigans. I don’t even know why Shikako needs Shikamaru to watch her team.

Probably the rest of Team Ten is helping, too, but it’s very possible that Ino and Chouji contribute to the chaos: Ino and Sai have decided to paint floral murals on the administrative building, Chouji has brought all of Kakashi’s ninken to an all you can eat barbecue restaurant. Asuma (because… maybe he’s alive I don’t know) and Naruto are trying to outdo each other with wind ninjutsu and have managed to blow off the roofs of some buildings. They might also be having an ongoing heart to heart about their vastly differing emotions regarding the Sandaime. Sasuke keeps getting into fights with the chuunin on patrol. All of them. Every chuunin, every patrol. Shikamaru can’t find Kakashi ANYWHERE.

(Kakashi is definitely the child that wanders off in the grocery store and is only found when the PA system announces a clean up is needed in aisle four, will someone please collect their strange grey-haired child)

I think maybe it’s Shikako and Yakumo’s genjutsu-fuinjutsu collaboration. Or like a seal that’s meant to self-activate whenever a genjutsu is cast on the person (like an automatic kai) except it kind of backfired and now Team Seven think they’re in a genjutsu? Actually, now that I think about it… maybe they are actual literal children via temporary de-aging? Mentally, at least 😀 

Basically, it’s Shikamaru running around trying to herd the worst cats and his own team making things EVEN WORSE.

When Shikako comes back he swears never again.

Yay! Your computer data was retrievable! (is what I understood. I’m glad you got at least that, despite the bad luck with the virus.)

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Yes! I’m glad it was salvageable, too. Like, I don’t actually have that much on my laptop but I was just like: oh shit, it’s been infected. THE MURDERER IS IN MY HOUSE HOW DO I GET OUT ALIVE.

(I might have freaked out the associate who was helping me. I like to think maybe it was more amusing than just straight up weird, but who knows.)

And Way Down We Go. I’ve been listening to Kaleo and this struck me.

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Another song inspired title with no other context, so I listened to this song on loop and tried to narrow down the idea so I wouldn’t end up rambling horribly like with I Am Your Lionheart, so hopefully you like what has shaken out, anon.

And Way Down We Go

This is not her journey. The fate of this world does not rest on her shoulders.

But she’ll be damned if she doesn’t try to help anyway.

I hope it doesn’t come off as me recycling previous ideas, but for this song I got very strong Tolkien ‘verse feels. More specifically one of those “Shikako gets reincarnated again in a different universe.” I mean, I suppose it doesn’t necessarily have to be Shikako’s second reincarnation, it could just be some SI!OC’s first reincarnation, but that’s what came to mind for the song what with all the very powerful Nara-esque lyrics of the song

Anyway Hartley Proudfoot(?) is perhaps not the most typical hobbit–too serious and too quiet and somehow always sad–but the Proudfoot clan is a genteel family, and they’ve always been a bit strange. Perhaps she’ll end up a spinster, unfortunate but not surprising.

Thankfully, there’s a different Shire oddball who has everyone’s attention–Bilbo Baggins, quite eligible bachelor and inheritor of not one but two fortunes… and his mother’s troubles.

(I suppose this would work with The Lord of the Rings instead of The Hobbit, but I am more familiar with The Hobbit give how recently those movies came out, and given the fake fic title it matches more with The Hobbit, I think.)

So, yeah, Gandalf comes around, dwarves in tow, dispensing quests like the world’s nosiest NPC and as they leave–the most conspicuous caravan to ever be found in the Shire–Hartley happens upon them.

And here’s the thing–whether or not she is Shikako or some other SI!OC, she knows who Gandalf is. She knows what his presence in the Shire means (beyond just the childish firecrackers that he brings to the Party Tree). She could, very easily, avoid him and live a calm, peaceful, utterly boring life.

Maybe she wants that! (She does not)

So as the group is leaving (or trying to, they seem to be going around in circles for some reason), Hartley approaches them and basically offers up her services.

Which includes as much of Shikako’s abilities as she could transfer over to this world. Which is actually quite a lot.

Seals may not exist, but explosives certainly do. Chakra doesn’t either, but taijutsu is free and the skills from the Academy can still apply. Blades are blades no matter the universe. And animals in Middle Earth are a lot hardier and smarter than the ones she knew from her first life. Maybe the deer aren’t Heijomaru and her summons, but the antlers are not for show.

As far as the dwarves know, two Hobbits just means that if one dies along the way they’ll have a backup. As far as Bilbo knows, he appreciates not being the only civilized person in the group (although he knows the Proudfoot clan are… odd, and Hartley isn’t exactly proving him wrong). As far as Gandalf knows, the last hobbit who asked him to go on an adventure was Belladonna Took.

So, yes, Hartley is added to the fellowship. And, I mean, without doing a massive retelling with all the stations of canon, she does change a few things but not everything.

But she is a hobbit, and in this world hobbits can do great things beyond themselves.

There is no romance on Hartley’s part (Bagginshield is, of course, up to interpretation) but she does become friends with all of the dwarves. I would like for her existence to change the fates for the line of Durin–whether that means for all of them or only the nephews…

She knows what the ring is. I don’t think she’d take it from Bilbo, since he did hold onto it without issues for decades, but maybe she’d tell Gandalf. Maybe that fellowship of the ring has a different lineup, a few decades early.

Maybe she and Tauriel (and Dis) bond over being badass ladies. Maybe, instead of heading all the way back to the Shire where she’s never really belonged, she platonically lives with Beorn and raises ginormous deer a hop and a skip away from all her friends.