so that mention of Mito (and also that fact that i have recently been reading Reverse) reminded me that the only reason Kurama was there was that Madara had genjustsu-brainwashed him then summoned him and used him like a tool. and the reason that hashirama then went after the other biju was basically ‘well hey it worked on the nine-tails and wouldn’t it just be such a neat way to get the other villages to think we’re cool.’ they just want to be left alone :( (well most of them(most of the time))

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I love @blackkatmagic’s fics!

I very much so think that the bijuu are more like sentient forces of nature? Like, literal walking masses of natural energy–imagine if hurricanes and such were alive and also grumpy. They’re not (before, anyway) actively and maliciously trying to kill numerous humans, just that the humans are so small and insignificant that it’s harder NOT to kill them.

So I think with Mito it was a last act of desperation–whereas with Hashirama it was “oh, we can make the world a better place (for humans) if we cage these walking natural disasters.” Well meaning, but limited.

I do wonder, though, if he was at all aware of the sentience of the bijuu. If he thought of them as giant animals and also natural disasters then to him it’d be like putting down a rabid dog, maybe.  

It pleases me to know that Naruto comes from a long line of people who inspired others to say “you did what?!” I wish Shikako had spent more time in the summon’s realm too. We see so little of it.

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The Uzumaki are basically the clan of doing what others would think impossible. Mito-sama was the first jinchuuriki? Who else but an Uzumaki would look at a giant ball of rage and chakra point at it and be like, “Yup, gonna contain that with my mortal body. What could possibly go wrong?” (Surprisingly little, actually).

The summon realm is, like many things in canon Naruto, a fascinating idea that never got explored much to everyone’s frustration. How does it work, Kishimoto? We will never know.

I’m hoping SQ touches on it one way or another, because I have no doubt she can do it justice. But there are plenty of other areas that direly need world building and those more relevant to the plot as well. Maybe she will, but it probably won’t be via DoS–maybe one of the Sunshine Sidestories or a Reincarnation Roulette chapter…

Both Shikako Indiana Grylls Nara and Sasuke why-the-fck what-the-fck Policeman Uchiha star on Color Time at some point or another. It goes.. interestingly. Interesting because Shikako you were just SITTING DOWN Where did that sealing array come from?? And That One Guy from That One Episode on Sasuke’s cop show somehow gets involved?? Why is he here?? How Did He Escape?? The real miracle though is how everything was kept PG and still managed to be solved with Colors and Love.

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😀 Pretty much, anon!

Shikako might actually have been there for a legit reason–after all, Naruto’s challenge for most interesting painting method is probably an ongoing contest and fuinjutsu-ing color onto a wall sound like it’d be fun. Or maybe using different colors for the same seal array leads to different outcomes?

Sasuke’s is more of an accidental–the perp I’m chasing stumbled through an episode of Colour Time, thankfully all the would-be-censored parts were covered (possibly by a quick thinking Sai who just had a paint animal block the view)–and that very well could have been one of those bizarre “and painting out their feelings solved the problem.”

for the fake fic prompt, dreaming of sunshine, “spin me a song in the shadows of death”

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… okay so I googled this and I could not figure out what this was from or what song these are lyrics out of so… um. Is this meant to a biblical reference to Psalm 23?

This is kind of long for a title, too? And… I don’t even…

I am bewildered, anon, but I’ll try my best.

Spin Me A Song (In The Shadows Of Death)

The ability to summon spirits is not a gift given lightly or often. Gods even rarer.

Shikako just wants to go home.

So, right from the outset I’m going to diverge from DoS Chapter 130. In the sense that, having been super traumatized by the events that took place in Land of Hot Springs, Shikako would VERY MUCH NOT LIKE TO GO BACK THERE, please and thank you.

So instead of having Heijomaru reverse the reverse summoning, Shikako travels through the Summon Realm in hopes of finding some of the other summon spirits that she is friendly with (Kakashi’s dogs, Sasuke’s hawks, Ino’s chameleons, Tsunade’s slugs, the other Nara clan summons etc. etc. Hell even Naruto and Jiraiya’s toads would be good though she has no idea where they are except for Not In Konoha, but as long as that is also Not In Land of Hot Springs then she’s okay with that too. If pushed she’d probably be okay with the cats of the Neko-baa in Soraku, though given the pawprint encyclopedia mission she’s probably persona non grata in their territory).

Um, yeah. I don’t know if this is canon/fanon/headcanon but are the summons spirits from a parallel plane that can’t die in our world? Like… any hit that would be lethal would just send them back to their realm. Is that just me? Have we seen summons die canonically? I know Gamabunta has a wicked scar over his eye but we don’t know what that’s from.

Anyway. I figure that while that pseudo-immortality works in the human world, in their own realm they’re as mortal as normal.

Why is that important?

Well, the summon realm is a dangerous place and not only for humans. There’s a reason why each species have their separate territories and that’s because they do not naturally co-habitate. So Shikako wanting to leave the deer territory and find her friends’ summons to be brought back to the human realm is a VERY RISKY UNDERTAKING. I… don’t think the deer will go with her.

Don’t get me wrong. She is their summoner (their only summoner, apparently) and they are fond of her and they did have a mutual vow of alliance. But I think that only covers the deer coming to Shikako’s aid in the human world. Heijomaru’s offer to go back to the place she was summoned from with her is his only offer. Her deciding to wander the summon realm for an alternative way home is not one that he can commit himself (as the leader of his herd) or any of his herd. They can actually legit die in this realm unlike the human world.

They do probably have some summon alliances with the species whose territory are near them but those aren’t any Shikako is familiar with. Alternatively, there’s huge swathes of unclaimed and thus unprotected land between established territories. The deer probably give her a map or at least directions to the listed above summon species and their territories, but it’s a long journey fraught with many dangers and, again, Heijomaru would prefer it if Daughter of the Forest not do something so reckless.

Heijomaru does not know Shikako very well yet.

So a journey of self-discovery, I suppose. Many moons ago, Shikako had been considering reverse summoning herself to figure out what her most compatible summon creature would be–though she took the path of least resistance and went for the already established contract with the deer.

Sure it’ll take a while. Might be dangerous. But so long as it’s not going back to that place of horror, Shikako doesn’t mind wandering around the Summon Realm for a while.

And hey:

Guess who else can be summoned?

That’s right, the Shinigami. 😀

I don’t actually think that Minato and the Sandaime–who both have other summons, anyway–went this route to get the ability/fuinjutsu sequence to summon it. But it is, according to the naruto wiki, apparently affiliated with the Uzumaki clan. So some enterprising Uzumaki clan member many maaaaaaaany moons ago apparently thought this was a good idea.

Maybe the fuinjutsu sequence that Minato and the Sandaime use are the equivalent of the single use summoning scroll that Sembei had to originally introduce Shikako to Heijomaru?

Anyway. The point is, Shikako meets the Shinigami in her quest to go home. Maybe they talk about godhood, maybe they don’t seeing as how traumatizing the last god she spoke to was.

~Spiritual journey~ (literally).

…

Aw man, I just realized Aoba had a summoning contract with crows right? Ravens? Well, Shikako definitely stumbles on them and there’s conflict/grieving/emotional reparations/closure.

…

@saltykrispycake RE: Manda… according to his wiki page the timing might have been that even though the death blow came from the human world (Deidara’s explosion) the actual time of death/receipt of injury could have been in the summon realm which is why Suigetsu had to summon Manda (and Sasuke inside Manda) to his location. I’m unsure though…

I’ve been reading through a lot of animal spirits/guides stuff, and horses have been big symbols of motivation, personal drive (one site said: “A driving force, what you thrive for or carries you in life”), freedom of expression, practicality, and all of that just screamed “Shikako” at me lol. (Random thought that I wanted to share, hope you don’t mind haha))

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🙂 I’m guessing this isn’t a prompt for the fake fic titles ask box event, though I did briefly consider something like:

What You Thrive For

In order to improve Nagaoka the fawn’s battle ability, Shikako sends him to a place where ungulates have schools of magic.

Equestria will never be the same again.

Except… I don’t really know anything about My Little Pony so I can’t follow up on this.

Anyway, thanks for sharing, anon, and I hope you found this fake fic summary amusing. 😀

I love the implication that Konoha just jumped on the reality tv bandwagon because you can’t script anything weirder than whatever happens to Team 7, no matter the genre.

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Well, given the trend of shinobi over time (actual shinobi world war to festival like chuunin exams) I wouldn’t be surprised if all the villages are joining in the media arms race.

Konoha has a bit of a head start seeing as how Team Seven were literally in a blockbuster movie, and not to mention that they’re the first ones to stumble into the reality tv format. Why fix what isn’t broken?

Actually, maybe different villages specialize in different formats? Konoha is tv documentary, Sand is animation–edit: The Muppets thanks @azersol, how could I be so foolish?–Cloud is musical competitions (ABDC and The Voice), etc. etc.

!!!Color Time!!!! And of course Gai is the ultimate kunoichi. XD But also if Shikako is Indiana Jones and Naruto and Sai are kids TV … what’s Sasuke’s accidental Team7 fame?

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😀

The easier one to come up with is Sakura–now the beautiful badass ingénue of the Naruto world’s equivalent of Grey’s Anatomy. She is both the hopeful optimist of the hospital drama and also the smoldering heartthrob (those muscles! those eyes! wooow! Other member of the Medic Corps swoon dreamily whenever she passes).

Kakashi as Hokage and the poor haggled administrative team headed by Iruka-sensei trying to wrangle him into respectability. A lot of The Office-like confessionals, crying in the supply closet, deadpan staring at the cameras.

Sasuke’s is very difficult, though…

OMFG, I KNOW WHAT TO DO.

If Sasuke rebuilds the Konoha Military Police with his ANBU training, I imagine there are a lot of… basically Cops meets Maury? A lot of censored faces, a lot of sordid shenanigans. His show started off as a sort of… the police wear body cameras less for the accountability (because I like to believe that fictional police are better than IRL police) and more for evidence collecting. But then he kept getting involved in really weird cases. Not even dangerous ones, but things like: this civilian is having an affair with four different shinobi but that’s not what he’s in trouble for. That civilian keeps drunkenly stealing apples? Just. Why? Why is he naked?

Or, he’s called into way too many three AM domestic disturbances. Thankfully no spousal abuse, but things like: a fight on whether or not one partner should be allowed to get a pet tarantula. Whose turn it is to wash the dishes. Except, considering they’re shinobi, it turns into this huge production.

Sasuke probably hoped for something respectable like a crime procedural shows–CSI or something like that. Lol, nope.

Okay that Colour Time AU cleared up my acne and also saved my soul. I, too, am here for Sai’s colourful animals THROWING THEMSELVES AT THE WALL in the most colourful nO YOUTHFUL DEATH EVER OKAY BUT TEAM GAI HELPING OUT AT COLOUR TIME

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OF COURSE TEAM GAI WOULD BE ON COLOUR TIME! 😀

Lee, learning that Art isn’t about quantity or speed–there’s no competition in art–it’s about getting in touch with your emotions. Which is his JAM. Neji somehow despite all the paint flying around, remaining perfectly spotless. TenTen taking on Naruto’s challenge for most interesting methods to paint with a FLURRY OF PAINT COVERED WEAPONRY.

Now I’m not saying TenTen invents the Naruto world’s equivalent of paintball, but I’m also not NOT saying that.

Gai, unsurprisingly, is uncannily talented. At heart he is a True Artist. Martial arts, painting, singing, etc. He possibly teaches or shows up during kunoichi classes as a prime example of the “nine in one” ultimate kunoichi?

But yes. Colour Time. I’m sure everyone makes a cameo in Colour Time at some point or another. Unsurprisingly, Yakumo is a recurring guest. Possibly Kino-chan and his genin team are the most frequently recurring team as well.

‘paint with all the colours of the wind’ Sai; Naruto

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I know what this is referencing, but for some reason I just cannot get this Teen Wolf fic out of my head. More specifically the fake children’s TV show that Scott and Stiles have and the catchphrase in which Scott says “I have rainbows in my daydreams,” and the audience is meant to shout back “Paint the world!”

I guess in the accidental-television-celebrity ‘verse that has Shikako as the equivalent of Indiana Jones and Bear Grylls I would totally want Sai and Naruto to have a kids show that’s a little bit like the one Scott and Stiles have in that fic.

A little Reading Rainbow meets Bob Ross, I suppose, with the adorable epic friendship of Troy and Abed from Community… relationship?

Also, in my defense, Naruto has already made his media debut in the same movie Shikako did. Except where she got the my older brother is dead action-adventure potential sequel subplot, Naruto got to hit the bad guy with a Rasengan of RAINBOW CHAKRA and if that isn’t a potential spinoff of it’s own about defeating negativity with colors and art and friendship then…

I lost track of where I was going with that.

So basically anon:

Paint With All The Colours Of The Wind

According to Naruto, every episode of Colour Time is their best episode ever. According to Sai that is a denotationally impossible statement.

Regardless of who is right, they’re both having fun and that’s all that matters.

(The ratings are nice, too)

Like with Shikako, they probably stumble into children’s television stardom accidentally–Team Seven luck holding strong and all that–I’m thinking Naruto and the Konohamaru corps are trying to explain the painting things for fun. Sai doesn’t quite get it because, not only are his paintings practical literal weapons, but also graffiti is against the law and won’t the Hokage be mad at them?

The Hokage is mad at them, but the Hokage is also wilier than them (not sure if I’m talking about Tsunade or Kakashi at this time but it applies to both) and not only has them clean up the mess but also has them tagged for all the painting related D-ranks in perpetuity.

Murals everywhere.

The Konohamaru corps are probably also punished alongside them for the “first episode” but after that it’s always a different genin team.

And I guess they go around painting fences and houses and etc with charming murals (there was a lot of rebuilding, wasn’t there? Functionality was prioritized over aesthetics, but better late than never right?)

And because Team Seven luck, something always goes… sideways with these punishment D-rank missions. Nothing DANGEROUS, but definitely weird. And, of course, the power of art saves the day?

Like, early on the problems are actually pretty small. Two of the genin are fighting and Art and Friendship helps resolve their differences. Then at one point there’s two businesses who can’t agree on their shared wall or are rivals or something and because Art and Naruto’s empathy and Sai’s more practical problem solving they join up and are now a combination bakery and blacksmith. Which is not a thing one would think would go together but is unsurprisingly very popular in Konoha.

And it escalates.

They don’t really leave Land of Fire (not as well traveled as Shikako’s bizarre fuinjutsu trips) but they do move beyond Konoha. Possibly even to the Daimyo’s court where somehow the bitter decision of succession is solved when all of the Daimyo’s heirs just… paint it out? And realize they all love each other as siblings? And most of them realize they don’t want to be daimyo or only like part of the responsibilities and, hey, how convenient that they’re all complementary parts. I don’t know.

Like Shikako’s adventures, Colour Time starts pretty low-tech. Photos of the respective murals and the murals being popular installments of art, the painting process (with Naruto’s more creative methods including but not limited to: paint balloons, wind jutsu, just throwing an entire paint can at the wall, bodily rolling in paint and using his clothes as a roller, his hair once and never again, Rasengan pretty frequently until the Hokage made him stop, etc) getting recorded and uploaded by the respective genin teams. Sai just tends to use brushes at first. Until he becomes more comfortable with himself and makes COLORFUL PAINT ANIMALS WHO THROW THEMSELVES AT THE WALL and thus beats all methods Naruto has used thus far.

I think I’ve gotten off track?

I guess maybe if graffiti artists were also children’s television hosts that’s what Colour Time would be. And ninja.

That fantasy au has given me another ten years of life

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😀 Isn’t the Fairy tale!AU just so fantastic? (aaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy)

But in all seriousness, thanks! Mostly thanks to @wildtabbykat for the prompt!

I was thinking the bijuu would be more like dragons in this AU, but the bijuu as Naruto’s giants would work too.