I’m the one who asked the Haru Kuwabara ask and man, it was really good. I knew surviving was not going to be pretty but still, ouch. My heart. I liked it a lot. It was also cool to learn Haru was originally supposed to be Tetsuki too!

😀 Thanks, anon! I love getting asked about my characters and series–don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love writing recursive fic for DoS, but there’s something endearingly intimate about sharing my stuff.

Surviving is the hardest thing to do. But when you survive that means there’s the opportunity for healing. So hopefully things will get better for Haru. (But it is very fun to make my characters sad, so not for a while?)

A lot of my stories start with Tetsuki Kaiza and then morph away into something/someone else depending on what the vibe is. She’s my go-to-gal. But I also love Haru very much. 🙂

Would you ever write about an AU where Haru Kuwabara survives and how things would be for her afterwards?

Yes.

So the reason why this one is an easy answer is because the (En)Closure series as it is now is still me just throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks.

Actually, to be entirely honest, (En)Closure originally started as one of Tetsuki Kaiza’s reincarnated lives–which is why she’s originally slated to die during the Kira vs L disaster, because I am awful to Tetsuki Kaiza and never let her live beyond 25 years old.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the person I wanted for (En)Closure doesn’t work with Tetsuki’s personality. Haru is nosy and loud and greedy, she wants to help because she does believe in humanity as a whole but she is terribly rude and awkward. Whereas Tetsuki tends to be sullen and overly polite and she only gets involved when individual people she loves are in danger.

Vastly different people, as you can see.

As it is right now, I consider the (En)Closure ficlets as prototypes–me trying to figure out what might work, what details I want to include, what thoughts persists but don’t actually fit: Haru’s death is one that is changeable.

I think, beyond the Tetsuki Kaiza curse, the reason why I originally proposed Haru dying was because I wanted to express that even with her medium abilities, she ISN’T a genius. She solves crimes because she has more clues, not because she can make impossible but true deductions off of what little clues exist.

But her not being able to keep up–or her only barely keeping up because of her network of ghosts–can be shown in other ways. And it’s not like Light and L are working completely on their own: they both have their own teams. I guess instead of thinking of it in terms of Haru vs Light vs L, it should be the dead (guided by/via Haru) vs Kira (as created by Light) vs the law (led by L). So it doesn’t matter that Haru as a person cannot keep up with Light and L as people–she is a vessel through which spirits work through, she does not need human intelligence to win/survive.

I do think, however, there may be sacrifices. Maybe she survives because her medium abilities come from being “born dead” (water in her lungs) and because of that she can’t be killed via the Death Note. But no doubt Shinigami have other abilities besides that.

Maybe instead of Sai asking Haru to help him move on he sacrifices himself such that she doesn’t die. Like. She knows she can’t keep up, but she didn’t realize how outclassed she was until then.

And it would kind of lead into why Hikaru doesn’t show up so much–because she did distance herself from him to keep him safe, but also this time there is a concrete reason for why Sai is gone. It’s not Haru, of course, but she won’t tell Hikaru the truth. She has to keep him safe (it’s the last thing Sai asked of her).

During the Hikaru no Go part of (En)Closure–aka her teenage years–she was confident in the knowledge that she was one of the strongest mediums (if not THE strongest) in Japan. But mediums being able to interact and even control spirits doesn’t mean shit against gods. And that’s where the Death Note part of her life–aka, her twenties–starts to shake her faith in herself, forces her to confront the fact that her abilities do not make her invincible.

But there’s something appealing about her surviving despite her lack of genius. And maybe, true, it’s because she wasn’t really the primary target of Kira, but it’s a mark of… skill? luck? composure?… to be someone who has survived Kira.

All that being said, I should probably admit that I never actually finished reading Death Note. O_O Which is why this is a giant rant and not a proper brainstorm. I got up to where L dies and some intro of Near and Melo, but not any farther than that so…

However, I might be able to do some quick and vague “after the danger has passed but now we have to deal with the consequences” feels stuff? Let’s see…

~

Haru kneels beside her parents and tries to focus on being the perfect image of a bereaving granddaughter.

She shuts her eyes, squeezes them tight, lets the phosphenes paint pictures behind her eyelids.

Fuck, what a horrible thought. As if she weren’t honestly grieving. As if she were just up here for looks, out of obligation, maintaining the reputation of a man already dead. Or, worse, to maintain her own reputation.

Her own stupid, useless, overblown reputation.

Gods–and they do exist, she’s seen some–she used to be so proud of that reputation.

And then look where it got her.

She takes a shaky, steeling breath and opens her eyes. Sees the crowd of faces that have come to pay their respects.

This is the first funeral she’s gone to in what seems like an eternity that had absolutely nothing to do with Kuwabara Haru, the professional medium, and instead Kuwabara Haru, the person.

She has nightmares sometimes.

After what she’s seen, what she’s had done to her–worse, what she had to do to others–it’s no surprise.

Her cousin Shizuru says it’s a natural reaction, her subconscious mind trying and failing to process the trauma.

Haru is pretty sure it’s punishment.

The worst nightmares are the ones in which everything is exactly the same but above everyone’s heads she sees their names and remaining times in glowing, ominous red.

Most of the visitors are, unsurprisingly, from the Go Institute.

Ogata-juudan, of course, who was finally able to rip the Honinbou title from her grandfather away before losing it, almost immediately.

Grandfather had laughed so hard that day, she thought he might have actually hurt himself.

The retired former Touya-Meijin and the current Touya-Meijin, and of course the current Honinbou.

She used to hate knowing so much about the Go world–had considered it an unnecessary distraction from her fate given role. Now she wishes it were still the safe and comfortable haven it used to be.

The Honinbou steps forward to give his condolences:

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Hikaru says, so bland and dry and empty.

She hates this most of all.

Sai was the oldest ghost she has ever and, most likely, will ever meet.

In his own way, he was also the most powerful.

He was kind and wise, caring and honest, and probably the best person she could have the honor of considering a friend, dead or alive.

She may not have destroyed him directly, but it’s because of her that his soul will never find peace.

Hikaru doesn’t know the truth.

Hikaru can’t know the truth.

Grandfather and Sai and Hikaru.

She misses all of them so much.

~

A/N: Check out the Ask Box Would You Ever!

(En)Closure (2018-02-05)

“I’m sorry for your loss,” says the girl at the scene, spinning police lights painting her face in alternating red and blue.

Makoto looks up from her paper cup of shitty tea, itchy shock blanket draped over her shoulders. She’s sitting in the back of an open ambulance–letting the EMTs ask her questions and check her pulse and shine pen lights into her eyes–even though there’s no real use for it. She’s not the one who was… hurt… and not even the fastest ambulance could have done anything for Yuuta.

She shakes off the thought desperately, focusing on the girl in front of her instead: she’s young, a teenager, too young to be here, surely. But the police officers that spoke to Makoto earlier only glance their way, no one taking notice of the teenager in trendy clothes and a string of prayer beads looped round and round her right hand.

Maybe she’s hallucinating. Maybe she’s actually in shock, imagining random girls at the spot where her husband… here. At this time.

“I know this is a lot to ask of you,” the girl adds just as Makoto is considering telling the EMTs that she’s hallucinating, “Normally I’m not called in for such recent… incidents… but I was nearby when your husband…”

The girl pauses, as if mentally chewing over her words. She takes a seat next to Makoto in the ambulance, thanking the EMT who hands her her own cup of shitty tea–which clears up the hallucination question but only raises others in how a teenage girl is on first name basis with emergency services.

“Your husband gave you something three days ago and he told you to hide it,” the girl says instead, and a chill goes down Makoto’s spine.

“How do you know?” How could anyone know about that? It was just the two of them in the house at that time.

“This was not a random accident,” the girl continues, steel in her voice. “What happened to your husband was premeditated and pointed, and I’m sorry that I cannot give you more time, but this is time sensitive and if we do not catch the person that did this to your husband, they will do the same–if not worse–to many more people.”

Makoto shuts her eyes, futilely, as if that will ward off what the girl is saying.

"Kochizaki-san, please,” the girl says, and Makoto hates this girl, hates this random girl who would dare do this to someone who is so clearly in pain, in shock, in mourning–“No, no, no, no”–

“Makoto,” the girl says, and this time… it’s still the girl’s voice. Just a normal teenage girl’s voice, but something about the tone or the cadence or something just makes her open her eyes.

“Yuuta needs you to do this. Can you do this for him?” There are detectives on the scene now, badges and suits different from the uniforms of the earlier police officers.

Detectives don’t show up for accidents.

“I will come back and explain it all to you but this must be done, and the sooner the better,” the girl says, urging.

They spot her, her and the girl who knows too much and promises too much, and head their way. Neither they or the girl look surprised.

Detectives don’t let random bystanders into active crime scenes.

“Makoto,” the girl repeats, and places her right hand on her shoulder. Maybe it’s a trick of the lights–red and blue and red and blue–but it kind of looks like the beads are glowing.

And maybe it’s just the itchy shock blanket, but it almost feels like there’s a hand on her other shoulder–a familiar, beloved hand. Makoto does not turn to look and be disappointed.

“Where did you hide the flash drive Yuuta gave you?”

~

A/N: I’m a little sad and angry because the musical stuff I wrote for the upcoming show is being cut and I’m just like >:/

So here’s some Haru Kuwabara at a crime scene. Normally she’s only called in for cases where all the leads have gone cold, or she calls herself in when the ghost of the victim shows up, but this time around they’re trying to stop a… hm, I dunno, a bomb or something? And the ghost involved this time was like “HEY! YOU! YOU CAN SEE ME, COME OVER HERE” and so what would have been ruled as an accident is now being considered a murder because Haru Kuwabara said so and while the police department don’t appreciate a teenager telling them how to do their jobs, she does get results.

Aa, I’m not familiar with Hikaru no Go, but I’ve been reading your OC ficlets and I really love them!! (when I read ‘Kuwabara’ in that ask, it gave me a semi-heart attack for a second since I thought it’s from YuYu Hakusho, and I’m a total nut for that series haha))

Thanks, anon! 🙂

I have a headcanon that the Kuwabara in Yu Yu Hakusho is somehow related to the Kuwabaras in Hikaru no Go, mostly because there’s a scene where Kuwabara-Honinbou is implied to be able to sense Sai? Seeing spirits is a family trait.

And since the events of Yu Yu Hakusho are about a decade before the events of Hikaru no Go, maybe he can make a cameo?

14 or 23, Haru Kuwabara from your Hikaru no Go AU!


I think I’ve got fireflies
where my caution should be.
(Instead of slowing down, I just shine brighter)

She is seven when she solves her first case.

Though, admittedly, it is a bit of a stretch to call that her first case, and she was five weeks away from being eight.

Still, it looks more impressive on her resumé. Or it would if she had one.

Regardless, she is seven and dressed in all black, holding her grandfather’s hand and shifting impatiently on her feet. Her parents have gone to speak with the bereaved, immediate family, and she doesn’t know anyone else here.

She’s bored, but not bored enough to leave her grandfather’s side, and it helps that he’s making snarky comments about the other attendees for her ears only. It’s entertaining, until he gets to,

“What are those ungrateful wretches doing here?”

Haru doesn’t quite know what a wretch is, but Grandpa’s tone has suddenly become more earnestly mean, almost hostile, and she doesn’t like it.

She tugs on his hand.

Grandpa looks down at her and visibly softens, one scruffy gray eyebrow rises, “What is it, child?”

She shrugs and points–at the two ungrateful wretches, then at the photograph at the front of the room–and then shrugs again.

She is seven and she doesn’t talk much. At all.

Still, Grandpa doesn’t much mind.

“That’s his second son and the wife, they wanted ownership of some branch office of the company and then ran it into the ground. Came back and demanded a job at the main office. They’re probably here to squeeze out whatever inheritance they can. Like vultures around a carcass.”

The old man next to them overhears, twitches, and says, “I’m not a carcass, Kuwabara, you crusty old bastard.”

She startles–that’s definitely a bad word–and looks up at the old man. The old man looks exactly like the photograph.

The old man is a ghost.

The ghost looks down at her, equally startled.

Thirty minutes later, the police have arrived to arrest the second son and his wife–both screaming about how they’ll get revenge–and her parents are staring at her bewildered.

She tugs Grandpa’s hand again, rubbing at her throat. This is the most she’s ever said at once, she thinks, and she’s awfully thirsty.

(As the years pass, Haru gets better at speaking more. She’s not better at being tactful about it, but she blames that on Grandpa).

///

We talk in the dark as we fall asleep,
and we are objects in the night sky
outside of time.
(it is the exact opposite of alone)

Kenichi is listless when they join him, pale and lifeless, and maybe at another time she’d think it’s funny–considering he’s a ghost and all–except right now, with the expression on his face, it’s the furthest thing from it. Even his hideous shirt with neon geometric shapes seems less vibrant than usual.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, in a furtive whisper, trying to keep it within their half ghostly huddle of four.

They’re in the far corner of the lobby, about twenty feet from the smoking area, which is the outermost limit Kenichi can get from his brother. It’s also the closest Haru–as Kuwabara-Honinbou’s granddaughter–and Hikaru–as someone who has become a weird Go mystery–can get to Ogata without him looking at them strangely and walking away. And unknowingly dragging Kenichi along with him.

It takes a beat for Hikaru to notice, but Sai has picked up on it, too. He looks… understanding. Worryingly so.

Kenichi wavers before answering, “I… I think it’s time for me to move on.”

~

A/N: Anon, this probably isn’t what you had in mind, but please enjoy both ficlets and thank you for prompting (En)Closure fic 😀

Number + Ship + (optional) AU –> my ask box

Ahh! Your last post was so sad! Is Haru watching over them? Was she able to move on?

Thanks! Sad is what I was going for (sad seems to be what I go for a lot…) 😀

I think Haru was very careful to make sure she wouldn’t end up a ghost–there’s a reason why she was so surprisingly successful/got away with so much in life, and that’s because she was one of the most (if not, the most) powerful medium in Japan. Hikaru’s ability, while stronger than her grandfather’s hazy sight, was still passive and so there’s no guarantee that someone would be there to help her move on if she died.

She might have done a final ghostly goodbye, but she didn’t linger on for too long. Also, seeing as how she dies because of Kira, she wouldn’t want to stay around a shinigami (as human she didn’t like it, much less as a ghost.)

Fic title: The Bustle In A House

I had to google this to figure out what it was a reference to because despite my love of the written word, English was my least favorite class in school. Then again, Emily Dickinson wasn’t covered in my English class anyway so…

The poem by Emily Dickinson of the prompted title is about a family immediately after the death of a loved one who still have to keep going–keep on doing their every day actions, or do the funeral arrangements for said loved one–before they can properly break down and grieve.

… you didn’t specify a fandom or characters or anything, newyn1, and I know most of my followers are here because of my DoS stuff and that I’ve also specifically seen your username over @dosbysilverqueen​, but I kinda feel like this would fit better in a different fandom.

I mean, the only thing I can think of in a DoS would be Shikako’s steady but inevitable immortality in which she outlives all of her family members because of her burgeoning godhood. And like, at first she doesn’t think much of it–outliving her parents is sad but not surprising. Outliving Shikamaru is kind of like just a flip of a coin statistics game, and women of Asian descent tend to have longer lifespans than men of Asian descent anyway.

Except maybe there’s the added she’s not aging as quickly as everyone else. She still looks in her twenties when Shikamaru looks in his forties (or something like that). At some point, Kino-chan starts to look older than her.

And then she really realizes it when Kino-chan dies before she does–he lived as peaceful and safe a life as a shinobi possibly could and yet–or when she starts to be confused for Shikadai’s cousin instead of his aunt, etc. etc.

So it’d be about Shikako coping with outliving and having to grieve for her family. Being the one to grieve because, eventually, she’s the only one left to do so. But then that’s something that I’d probably throw in along with these other prompts of Shikako’s immortality/godhood so…

My alternative fandom take on it would probably be in my Hikaru no Go/Death Note ‘verse (En)Closure with a similar sort of set up. Not because of godhood, though.

So Hikaru’s POV when his grandfather dies, when Sai asks Haru to help him move on, and then when Haru dies because of Kira. And the thing is, because it’s Hikaru and Hikaru no Go, of course he would be playing go. His grandfather dies and he plays go, because even though it’s because of Sai that he started playing, he never would have met Sai if it weren’t for his grandfather’s love for the game.

So at his grandfather’s memorial service, maybe he gets recognized as a professional go player by his grandfather’s friends–who are all amateurs but passionate–and they pester him into playing with them and they do a whole bout of “when Heihachi was younger” stories. Hikaru’s reputation as a troublemaker go player is not entirely new.

Hikaru is older when Sai moves on (because having two seers makes the ghost stay longer) and Sai chooses to move on, so he doesn’t go into a downward spiral like in canon, but it’s still something to mourn and he does fight with Haru about it here and while they do stop fighting quickly enough, probably they don’t properly make up with each other until they play a game of go. Even though Haru is awful at it.

And maybe they official shut down the Netgo account (which Haru also did for Sai since it doesn’t take a genius to put a stone where he points) and while they don’t disclose who Sai was they do inform the greater go world that he has passed on. I don’t know.

After Haru dies, because of Kira, Hikaru is hollowed out. Because she and Sai were his best friends and the only reason why he didn’t spiral after Sai’s death was because of her. But now it’s just him who knows the truth. He probably does take some time off, trying to see if he can find her ghost (because that’s what tied them together, the ability to see ghosts, but no matter where he looks he can’t find her).

And he comes back to the Institute where Kuwabara-Honinbou challenges him to a game (just like how the story between him and Haru start) and they both mourn for her together because even though she wasn’t part of the go world, she was part of their world. And also no grandparent should have to outlive their grandchild.

(No summary, sorry, but two in one brainstorm so it evens out?)

(En)Closure ficlet (2016-12-05)

Haru waits in the lobby of the Institute, sitting in the chair she’s claimed as hers and which no one has said otherwise. Despite the heating and her coat, she’s still cold–gusts of chilly air blasting every time the doors open.

The receptionist gives her commiserating glances whenever that happens, and gave her tea which she has long since drained.

She stares at the dregs, almost in a daze. What has her life come to that she willingly sits in the cold lobby of the Go Institute for over an hour? She used to do things, didn’t she? Surely her entire life hasn’t been this chair in this room in this building, an eternity of waiting surrounded by go paraphernalia interspersed with air blasting from the depths of the iciest of all hells.

Maybe she should move.

Haru stands to leave, startling the receptionist who had the glassy eyed look of someone contemplating the same monotonous, endless future of go that she had been.

The sky outside has long since gone dark, street lights and store signs bright and flashing up, pedestrians bundled up and walking, huddled, despite the lack of crowd.

It feels daunting, all of a sudden, frightening. Leave? Go outside? Where she’ll have to brave the cold all by herself?

The elevator doors open, the sound of chatter crescendoing, a group of teenagers sharing their passion.

Haru freezes, not from the temperature but from the sudden wave of embarrassment that washes over her. Lineage aside, this isn’t her space. This place isn’t for her. Their passion isn’t hers (does she even have a passion?) She is the intruder here. No, not even an intruder, a beggar loitering where she doesn’t belong.

“Kuwabara!” Hikaru calls out and another, stronger wave of shame pummels her–now she can’t even escape without notice.

Hikaru’s familiar two-toned head bobs weaves it’s way out of the group, Sai’s ghostly form following after. The other insei have paused, all of them staring at her then trying to pretend they aren’t. She’d hoped that the weird secondhand infamy from her grandfather would have worn off by now, but clearly she was underestimating the effect of the Honinbou title.

“Shindou,” she greets back, voice almost hollow. She nods a silent greeting to Sai who grins back–she’s explained that nonverbal communication is preferable to looking like a crazy person.

“What’s up? Why are you here?” Hikaru asks, “Oh, are you waiting for your gramps?” he adds, heedless of the way the other insei flinch at his irreverence.

“Ah, no,” Haru responds, almost shy, “I had a job in the area and remembered that the insei classes were letting out soon.”

The receptionist is clearly baffled at her lie.

Hikaru is more observant than people give him credit for outside of go, or perhaps she’s just being obvious, but he looks at her and nods, turns back to his insei friends and says, “Hey, maybe next time, okay guys?”

“You don’t have to-”

“Come on, Kuwabara, let’s get ramen,” Hikaru interrupts brightly, as if everything about this situation weren’t horrifically awkward; just a different flavor for this terrible day.

Sai, keen and kind in his own way, puts his spectral hands on her shoulders and guides her out the door.

With two people by her side, intangible though one of them may be, the night doesn’t seem so daunting anymore. Puffs of steam emanating from each exhale as they walk beside each other, huddled, to the ramen stand.

~

A/N: … in which a whole lot of nothing happens but at least it’s wintery.

Word Prompts (I25): Introduction

Konran Uzumaki – Counterpoise

(Spiral in, storm out.)

She wears wire in her hair, braids of red and metal winding round and round her head. Pins blunt against her scalp, sharp points outward, everything hidden under a bandana rigged to blow.

Uzushio’s legacy, beneath dark cloth.

Kiyoshi Utsugi – (In)Difference

(Neutrality brings peace.)

Lightning thrums under her skin, running along her nerves, writhing. Wind at her fingertips, whipping at her cheek, waiting to be unleashed.

Conscious clear, target in sight: shoot.

Tetsuki Kaiza – Trailblazers / Externality / Iron Will

(Fate worse than death.)

The first time around she is furious-regretful-afraid-satisfied, at least, she will be swiftly avenged.

The second time she is desperate: she doesn’t want to go, doesn’t want to do this again, doesn’t want this curse.

By the third she is hollowed out and resigned.

Aomi (Inuzuka) – B*tch Please

(Humanity is beastly.)

The rage in her has nothing to do with the fangs in her mouth or the growl in her lungs. She dreams of hunting intangible things–justice, strength, the future–plans like shaky ground beneath her paws.

Truth and loyalty require sacrifice.

Windy Strife – Into Thin Air

(Steps ahead, left behind.)

The suit sits heavy on her shoulders, fabric stiff and blue still new. The bow, long carried, doesn’t quite match but it fits perfectly in his hand.

Zie is a weapon, forged and honed, then and now.

Reyniero Chason – Running Backwards

(Battle fiercely for the king.)

There are no options, train on the track, future written down and read in the past. And yet, here I am, poised to defy the fate put on him.

If anyone is the spare, it’s me.

Branton Evans – Growing Strong (Burning Bright)

(Thorns, sparks, and silver linings.)

He knows much about regret, had felt it even as he continued to walk away, needing to follow through. Time doesn’t always heal, sometimes it erodes instead.

Nevertheless, things can still be salvaged.

Haru Kuwabara – (En)Closure

(Winning might be everything.)

Go is a battle, is a conversation, is life–according to her grandfather anyway. But she knows death, so she knows that despite all the drama, go is just a game.

But against gods and murderers and the stark face of justice, it’s a nice thought.

Ember Ketchum – A Year With The Moon

(Knowledge is double edged.)

Sight beyond does not make her immune, does not make her anything but a liability. Her entire existence is a dilemma and now, it seems, she has made the wrong choice.

Behind a glowing wall in her mind, she watches herself attack her brother.

~

A/N: Surprisingly, the word prompt is relevant to the writing! Except for the last one, each section is basically a motto + three sentence fic (or four sentence fic) summarizing my various OCs. Almost like little trailers for the different series… (The last one isn’t because I realized that Ash having a twin during the first Pokemon movie, ie the one featuring Mewtwo, would have the potential for EPIC FEELS).

Basically, after my weird breakdown/rant/fit of low self-esteem that I had yesterday I kind of wanted to make up for that. Sorry, again, @to-someplace-else, it wasn’t your fault, I go through moods, I hope you (and other readers) enjoy this.

Post Word Count: 422, TOTAL Word Count: 10860

So… last day of November. Unsurprisingly, did not meet the NaNo quota but that’s okay because a lot of my posts this month (like this one) were three sentence fic and for some reason I wrote a lot of poetry…