Character Statistics: DoS Team Medic AU, Team One


(data as of Dreaming of Sunshine, Chapter Seven)


Konoha Chuunin Exam

(data as of Dreaming of Sunshine, Chapter Thirty Nine)













A/N: Here is Team One aka Team Medic from @kuipernebula and my collaborative DoS recursive brainstorm series simply named Team Medic AU

In this series, the Team One assigned during Academy graduation in Dreaming of Sunshine–Youbirin Nohara, Jiro Watanabe, and Sakura Haruno–end up with a combat medic as their sensei who decides to take them on as a team. 

The Konoha Chuunin Exam is a good marker of time–since it’s not as if their team has changed Orochimaru and Sand’s plans, so the invasion is still on. Also–well, I guess I’ve spoiled it in the charts–but Masumi-sensei does die during the Invasion so that’s a significant event for all of them.

And then ambiguous Shippuden point in time just to round it out.

The Sakura in this AU is different from the canon DoS Sakura I included in the Team Seven post who is herself different from canon canon Sakura because she does have a different development being on a genin team with a more attentive jounin sensei and teammates who aren’t entirely obsessed with each other (and aren’t her crush).

Konoha Team Designations (2017-05-23)

I went into this a little before on this post here, but I’d like to go into more detail just so I don’t keep making stuff up and then not writing it down anywhere and then forgetting.

So here’s the basic list for the teams again:

Team One – Medic

Team Two – Vanguard (Stealth/Speed)

Team Three – Defense (Genjutsu/Barriers/Traps)

Team Four – Automatic Fail (code for ANBU/assassination)

Team Five – “Retrieval”

Team Six – General Support

Team Seven – Heavy Hitter

Team Eight – Tracking/Hunting

Team Nine – Escort/Courier

Team Ten – Infiltration/Siege

And as I said before, the Academy does actually try to create genin teams that students would be well suited to, but it depends on the assigned jounin sensei and their standards if they actually pass (except for Team Four who really just are leftovers and pretty much auto fail into the Genin Corps).

Mostly the reason why I’m doing this is because I have three different Naruto fanfiction series–Counterpoise, Externality, and (In)Difference–featuring three very different OCs who end up on very different genin teams, and since I’ve been doing the Character Statistics I’ve had to really hammer down just what each character’s strengths and weaknesses are and resolve that with the other characters as a team.

Teams Seven, Eight, and Ten, obviously, are based on canon: Team Sevens are the traditional “heavy hitters,” the ones who become legends–the Sannin, Naruto-Sasuke-Sakura, even in Boruto that carries over (I think?). Team Eights–based simply on the Aburame-Hyuuga-Inuzuka formation–are most likely meant for tracking/hunting, though no doubt they can form this team without those three clans specifically, with other sensor types. Team Ten are, of course, Ino-Shika-Cho, though for the years there aren’t a set from those clans they can still use that number for teams who might have a similar set up or potential–very people based tactical abilities.

I don’t know where exactly I got this from, but I feel like Team Gai was fanonically made to be Team Nine? Or, at least, given the other teams it kind of make sense to have them fill in the blank and since their team set up is very different from the other three they’d have a different number. And their specialization of escort/courier fits quite nicely in a weird spectrum of tracking/hunting and infiltration/siege–if that makes any sense?

My Team One designation is based off an, admittedly, insignificant throw away line from Dreaming of Sunshine’s early chapters regarding Sakura’s placement given Shikako’s presence–which lead to @kuipernebula​ and I collaboratively brainstorming the simply named Team Medic ‘verse.

Which leaves Teams Two through Six.

Given the superstition about the number four, that team would just be dooming a group of kids for death. And it kind of makes sense in a ruthless kind of way that there would be some students who just… don’t have much potential at all, so Team Four–as an Academy proposal–is just an automatic fail into the Genin Corps. (But maybe that designation is used as a code for temporary teams doing assassinations or auditioning for ANBU).

Itachi was canonically stated to be placed on Team Two with a boy who basically called himself Tenma Lord of Speed and a girl who studied medicine in the Academy but, given the awful awful sexism in this series, got shunted into retiring to become a waitress for some reason?! which is a very distinctive team set up vastly different from the other teams we’ve already seen.

But that Team Two was stated to be “formed out of the best genin at that time and they were given the symbolic position of guarding the Fire Daimyo during his annual visit to Konoha.” Which would make an argument for them being a Team Nine–or, rather, making Team Gai who specialize in mobile guarding type missions a Team Two–but it’s specifically noted to be a symbolic position and more about showing off to the Fire Daimyo their shiny new Uchiha prodigy.

So what do you do with a team of the best genin from the class that aren’t heavy hitters? They aren’t specialized enough for a medic team or a tracking team, and they don’t quite have the same vibe as an infiltration/siege team. They might be a decent escort/courier team, but that wouldn’t really take full advantage of their potential. You have a fast kid, an Uchiha, and a medic–you can’t move faster than your client for escort missions, to fully utilize the Sharingan you want to pit them against other shinobi not just bandits, and escort/courier missions aren’t high enough risk to need a medic.

Thus, vanguard: a stealthier, speedier strike force who can handle themselves in dangerous times but are more subtle than the walking tanks and explosions of Team Seven.

So Three, Five, and Six are free game.

It made sense for there to be a general support team–because while a team of all medics is the easiest way to train combat medics and would make sense for large scale troop movements (when multiple medics would be needed for an entire battalion), it’s not practical for smaller scale battles–and I made them Team Six because I figured they’d be deployed alongside one of the other higher number teams. Teams One and Two wouldn’t need a general support team because it’d be redundant for One and slow down Two, whereas Seven and higher could use support for more variety if the mission calls for multiple teams.

With that mentality in mind, I figured Team Three ought to also be a specialty such that they also wouldn’t need a general support. Or, rather, to break down what general support team even means? I headcanon that Kabuto’s team were a Team Six–a medic with high genjutsu skill, a guy who can absorb chakra, and a guy who can stretch his limbs–which shook out to, besides the medic, genjutsu and close range non-destructive abilities. Hence, defense for Team Three.

And, finally, Team Five which I literally made up because I wanted a team of Leverage-esque thieves. I mean, I’ll justify it in a second, but I figured I ought to be honest about my motivation for all this ranting; I wanted practical problem solving ninja thieves.

Obviously the Academy isn’t going to make a team of assassins to be. While they are training child soldiers, it’s not as if they can tell which preteen is going to be better at assassination than another. And while there is Team Two who would be good at the straightforward get in, get the target, get out, that doesn’t leave much room for the other assassination requests of “make it look natural” or “frame this other person for it,” etc. etc.

So the best way to train toward that mentality would be missions for “retrieving” objects. This team would need to be not quite a support team, but neither an outrightly offensive team either–kind of like a smaller scale, less destructive version of Team Ten. It’s still very people based tactics, but more subtle (Yamanaka personalities may be all about nuance, but their ability is not so much. At the very least, I don’t think the person they possessed loses their memory of the possession? So it’d be very obvious afterwards what happened).

In Counterpoise the Team Five I created is “the genjutsu specialist with a fondness for traps, the medic with a talent in taijutsu, and the fuinjutsu user with chakra reserves four times the size a ninja twice her age”

In Externality, Tetuski accidentally helps Naruto graduate one year early, leading to the both of them and another OC becoming a Team Two under Kakashi. (I actually have what is probably an unpopular/unheard of headcanon that Team Minato was not a Team Seven but rather a Team Two)

In (In)Difference, Team TenChiKoku is a Team Ten that doesn’t directly mimic the Ino-Shika-Cho dynamic but would have a similar function in wartime.

Okay, that’s a weird thing to end on, but thanks for reading this far!

Hey, which stat would you put Sakura’s medical jutsu under? I’m not entirely certain where it would end up, but none of the stats seemed to have the kind of jump I would have expected form Tsunade’s tutoring.

I get what you’re saying, lionheadbookends… the different stat options are both too vague and too specific to really show that apprenticeship. I tried to represent the medic training by putting it in ninjutsu and intelligence–which itself I interpreted as a blend of academic knowledge, experience, and “natural” mental ability.

So Sakura’s INT stat doesn’t change numerically from her canon data, mostly because I figure in DoS while she does get more academic knowledge she has less of that experience from not being on Team Seven. But, considering what you’ve said (and comparing to Shizune who would be a more realistic analogy for Sakura in Shippuden) I did increase her ninjutsu for both “Second” and “Third” instances.

Thanks for catching that, lionheadbookends! I’ll make sure to include it in the cleaned up version 🙂


Hell yeah meticulous quantification for fun! *high fives back*

I did also make charts for my / @kuipernebula’s other characters in the Naruto world (namely Team Medic–which has a Sakura with, yet again, different stats from her canon self–Externality, and Counterpoise.) I might post those up if I need a break from writing and if anyone’s interested in those series.

[I might also do charts for my team (In)Difference if I have yet another sleepless night, though I am a little reluctant to do so because that team is contemporaries with the Sannin as genin and I think that means I’d have to do charts for the young Sannin too, then, to make sure I’m staying realistic.]

apart from shikako and tetsuki, who do you think would be in qprs in the dos verse (or any of your aus) i also agree with the qpp you chose for shikako and i think it would work in an au not decorated with daily death or alive situations. maybe shikako would be in a qpr with both ino and sasuke but ino and sasuke themselves are just friends (or at least until they get to know each other better) if she considered it. (my second choices for shikako’s qpp was essentially naruto/gaara because (1/2)

maybe not necessarily in dos canon, but in your aus focusing on their relationships, it is easy to interpret their relationship as “more than friendship, but not less than romantic, just something different” (and there i would talk about alterous attraction but i haven’t really explored that term myself a lot more) (2/2)

Oh! I did not know about the term alterous, but I think that’s how I interpret Shikaara–as an ambiguous mix between platonic and romantic. Of course, not in canon but in a canon adjacent AU such as Dreaming of S(omething).

I think Naruto and Shikako are very platonic. Even in my post-series Waking Up Starstruck (which is my attempt to do a Narukako ship) it’s still not all that romantic. And not even because of my interpretation of Shikako as aro/demi, but because I cannot for the life of me understand Naruto’s character. He and I just are not simpatico. :/ I love him but I do not understand him. I don’t know if they would even have a QPR or maintain their less intense friendship.

Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship is too steeped in canon for me to disentangle (SasuNaru was one of my “Baby’s First Ships”) so I don’t know if they would have a QPR or a romantic relationship… But I do think Naruto and Haku would have a fantastic QPR in a canon adjacent AU, so at least I know him that much, right?

Let’s see, who else…

As Ino’s co-spouses, Sakura and Sai are not romantic with each other, but they do develop a sweet QPR which is very nice for their triad marriage.

I imagine Team Gai are not romantically interested in each other, but they are the closest thing they all have to family which would easily translate to QPRs. Especially when they’re older and their personalities have matured.

Actually, yeah, if I’m not restricting myself to canon. Then in a canon adjacent AU, that Kiba+Shikako QPR would definitely exist.

Oh, in the Team Medic!AU (Team One with Sakura, Youbirin, and Jiro passed with a combat medic jounin sensei)–or, at least, the How To Adult Properly series based on it–Team One definitely have QPR because they have no boundaries with each other.

I don’t know who else, this is a big question. There are so many characters that’s like an infinite number of combinations so…

But I do appreciate your question, so thanks for asking, anon 🙂

How To Adult Properly (And Maybe Heal Some People While We’re At It), a series of Team Medic ficlets 4/? (2016-10-18)

Sakura wakes to a thump somewhere in the vicinity of her feet, and the long, low groan of a hungover idiot.

It’s better than an alarm clock, really. Or, well, worse since she can’t just smash Youbirin in one hit to shut him up.

“Sakura,” Youbirin says, voice muffled by the blanket she’s kicked off in her sleep and the way he’s practically kissing the floor, “Sakura, ow. Sakura… how? Why, Sakura? Why this?” He asks, as betrayed as a muddled-minded moron like him can be.

She gives a groan of her own, pressing it into the pillow, before kicking in his direction. She’s not augmenting it–it’s too early for that shit–but she feels a connect and Youbirin curls away with another pained moan.

“Go away. I’m not on shift and it’s before noon, you’re breaking the rules.”

Youbirin crawls his way up the bed, falling obnoxiously on top of her. It’s far from sexual–only barely affectionate in nature, given that clearly he’s trying to smother the life out of her.

“Get off me,” she wheezes as her lungs deflate beneath his weight, “Go away,” she repeats.

“But Sakura, this is my room,” the big baby whines, and then completely ignores her by wrapping himself around her.

She grumbles, but lets him, because he’s warm and she’s far too lazy to pull the blanket back.

They quiet back down, breathes coming in deeper and slower, the two of them shifting into a more comfortable position–Youbirin less of a big spoon and more of a giant koala with Sakura as the small and brightly colored tree.

“Wake me up before noon again and you’re dead,” she murmurs, tucking a cold nose to the collar of his pajamas.

Obediently, he recites, “After noon, coffee, got it,” before the both of them drift back into sleep.

Of course, they’re both woken up less than thirty minutes later when Jiro lands on top of them, climbing through the window in yesterday’s rumpled clothing to escape his latest one night stand.

Shishou, spotting the three of them and their less than impressive states, laughs–loud and long and entirely unnecessary.

“Nngh,” Youbirin grunts, looks two seconds away from dropping to the ground and curling into a ball in defeat.

Jiro, in contrast, tries and fails to respond with a smile of his own. It wouldn’t have worked even without the awkward lean he’s adopted where Sakura propped him against the wall.

Apparently, last night’s conquest–while easily impressed by medic-nin–was less than impressed by Jiro’s less than graceful “this was fun, goodbye forever” spiel. And, apparently, a trainee in T&I.

Sakura would like to think she doesn’t look as awful as her genin teammates, but she certainly feels as miserable, and she knows for the sheer travesty of her outfit, she’s going to have to avoid Ino today.

Shizune-senpai looks unfairly embarrassed by them: as if she never had to deal with Shishou in worse condition, and during her reign as Hokage at that!

When Shishou finally stops laughing, wiping a tear away from her right eye, she turns around and gestures imperiously for them all to follow.

Even in their disastrous states, the three–four, actually, including Shizune-senpai–hop to attention immediately. They may be embarrassments as people, but there’s no way they’re anything less than the best when it comes to being medic-nin.


A/N: Lalala, went out again to a swanky restaurant where we got soooo much free stuff because my sister’s got connections! Also, more drinking (well, less than yesterday, but still more than my usual which is zero)

Team Medic, DnD Fantasy Edition Picture (2016-09-21)



A/N: Playing around on Rinmaru’s Ascension Doll Maker (as per usual) while watching High Rollers and somehow a DnD Fantasy Team Medic shook out. @kuipernebula, you might be interested?

Pics under the cut.

Keep reading

Okay but now I need to go through and figure this out in terms of classes. Which means most of them I’m going to stick to single classes because multiclassing bothers me on principle, at least as far as AU’s and identity of characters goes.

Masumi is like, 100% an Alchemist. The problem is that this isn’t a default class in any DnD books, but there’s enough homebrew and cultural ideas to it that I’m keeping it. (Alternatively: An Artificer whose really into potions and medicine.

Sakura might work best as a Monk or a Cleric? As a Monk, we’d have to find a way to hack the class to be a healer. But a Cleric of the Slug goddess or whatever would dovetail pretty well into her overall character arc. (Is Tsunade the current slug goddess or just the current high priest? Who knows. She could also lead the slug sect of healing-based Monkhood which would be cool.)

Youbirin is probably a Runepriest, a lesser-known 4e class, mostly because of his specialty in seals? Which translate well enough to runes.

Jiro is most likely a Shaman, Druid, or Favored Soul. The former two if you can find a way to focus him on lightning, and the lattermost otherwise because his focus is more on intuition than study like the other two.

Oooh, cool! I know basically the logistics of DnD but not so much the world (just started playing so still a newbie here), so those sound super cool.

I didn’t really know about Alchemists/Artificers and Runepriest but both of those sound excellent for Masumi and Youbirin. I guess since Masumi only happens to be medic nin because she wants to work with medicine and not so much that she wants to actually heal people. I was thinking Druid for Youbirin because his training montage with Takama and the Cranes, but Runepriest is fantastic.

I feel like as a fighter, Sakura is more Monk-like, but as a healer would be Cleric (of the Slug Goddess, yes perf). Unless there are Clerics that just specialize in unarmed combat (I know in High Rollers, Cam the Cleric is a very Rogue-like Cleric because his Goddess is all about luck and fortune and tricksters)?

I think probably not Druid for Jiro since he’s the only one out of the three that doesn’t have a summon animal… I considered Bard mostly because I headcanoned him as the most charming out of the three of them and since his whole thing is genjutsu-lightning-nervous system it kind of jives with a more human-based thing instead of a god-based source. But Shaman and Favored Soul is good, too.

Team Medic, DnD Fantasy Edition Picture (2016-09-21)

A/N: Playing around on Rinmaru’s Ascension Doll Maker (as per usual) while watching High Rollers and somehow a DnD Fantasy Team Medic shook out. @kuipernebula, you might be interested?

Pics under the cut.

I’m still pretty new at DnD, but only a few classes can use healing/divine abilities but even then I wasn’t sure which one each member of Team Medic should be so…

Masumi – Healer/Paladin
Sakura – Monk/Spirit Shaman
Youbirin – Druid/Cleric
Jiro – Bard/Favored Soul

Reshuffle the Deck: Or, Five Genin Teams Shikako Wasn’t On (2016-08-15)

Four of a Kind

(The Ino-Shika-Cho is a good combination, but it’s never good to let genin teams become predictable–it makes them vulnerable to enemy action, and considering who makes up the roster of this year’s new genin? Vulnerability is to be avoided at all cost.

The idea behind the trio is still sound, shouldn’t be abandoned completely, and so the Hokage and Academy teachers build the new teams with that in mind.

It’s not their fault that it completely throws off a good chunk of her foreknowledge.)

“This is…” Shikako says, words drifting off to look at her two teammates.

“Uh, sensei?” Ino picks up, immediately “I think you’ve gotten it wrong–it’s Ino-Shika-Cho, not Ino-Shika-Inu.”

Akamaru barks, Kiba does too. “What you’ve got a problem with dogs?” Smirk easily changeable into baring of teeth.

“Only the ones that haven’t bathed in three days,” Ino says, sharp smile of her own, “Aren’t you supposed to have a good sense of smell?”

Shikako cuts in, brings the tension down but adds to the teasing as well. “Not all of us can smell like a flower shop all the time, Ino.”

(With a steady jounin sensei and normal missions, they would have become strong, solid shinobi in a few years.

With Anko as their sensei, in a matter of months they become the first genin team with the bingo book orders Flee On Sight)

Full House [of Queens]

“They didn’t even try for subtle, did they?” Shikako asks Kurenai-sensei, mouth an opposite slant to her raised eyebrow.

Her jounin sensei shrugs, “You could argue that’s what this entire team is for–given the tenets of kunoichi and all that.”

“Don’t you think this will be fun, Shikako?” Sakura asks, stars in her eyes–the disappointment at not being on the same team as Sasuke quickly passing at the excitement of being on a team with her two best friends.

“And anyway,” Ino adds, “Who needs a bunch of boys messing up our missions?”

(Despite the tenets of kunoichi, their team does not maintain subtlety for too long. Oh, their missions succeed, no doubt about that, and they’re never actually caught; but rumors of a group of girls capable of slipping in unnoticed and completely destroying any opposition spreads.

They become known as the Three Beauties of Konoha, though mostly, all enemies can remember about them is the color of their hair and the scent of fresh flowers)

“Someone asked me to punch them today,” Sakura says to her teammates, bemused.

Although the three of them have long since been promoted from genin, they tend to team up with each other regardless. Why mess with success?

“Oh, yeah?” Shikako adds absentmindedly, writing in one of her eternally present journals even as Ino begins to pull it away, “Me, too, a couple of days ago.”

“Did you?” Sakura asks, watching in amusement as Ino and Shikako begin playing tug of war with the journal.

“Yeah, he wouldn’t leave me alone until I did and by that point he was being so annoying it was a relief to do it.”

“I made mine pay for it,” Ino says, to which both of her teammates look up at her smug face in confusion. Pulling the journal from Shikako’s slack hands is easy; her expression only becomes more pleased. “He clearly wanted it for some reason, and why do something for free when you can get paid for it?”

“And?” Sakura prompts, while Shikako bemoans her lack of initiative.

“It bought me a new dress,” Ino brags. And because she’s always a well of information, she explains to her teammates. “Apparently there’s some kind of superstition going around that if someone gets punched by all three of us they get good luck.”

Two Pair

(She pulls back too late. The teachers have already spotted her talent; genius, prodigy, legend-in-the-making they murmur to each other. She gets accelerated, graduates among students several years older than herself.

When her genin team is called, she swallows down bile.)

“Shikako-chan,” Kabuto says, mild smile on his face. All of his smiles are mild, she wants to punch him in the face.

“Yes?” She chirps back, slipping into her role of over-eager kouhai. She’ll admit he knows an awful lot of tricks that’ll be useful in the future.

Let him think he’s converting the Jounin Commander’s daughter, she’ll feed him lies and bleed him dry.

“You’re always so curious,” he says, ever so patronizing, “it’s a good thing to have in a student.”

“Well, you’re a good teacher,” she says back–always flattering, always sweet–she needs to appear as a book smart genius, not an actual threat.

“It’s not so much a virtue when it comes to espionage,” Kabuto amends, voice still pleasant but suddenly sharp and deadly.

She can feel the blood freeze in her veins. Literally.

“W-what are you talking about, Kabuto-senpai?” she chokes out through the clawing in her throat, her rapidly stiffening lungs.

“Don’t worry,” he says as her vision goes blurry, then dark, “It’s time for you to get a real teacher.”

(When she wakes up, she’s almost relieved to see Orochimaru’s face.

Better him than Danzo, she thinks even as the abomination of mutated natural chakra burns through her. The Curse Seal.

Kabuto won’t need to convert her if a piece of Orochimaru is literally looking over her shoulder.)


The night of graduation, Shikako faints while walking up the stairs.

It’s also the first time the Kyuubi’s malevolent chakra has been felt in over a decade.

The two events are not unrelated.

Needless to say, Shikaku will not be having his daughter on the same team as someone whose chakra can render her unconscious. He knows the Academy teachers think he is just pulling rank, getting his child off a team with That Monster, but Shikaku’s always been more practical than that: it’d be like having someone allergic to dogs on the same team as an Inuzuka, illogical and troublesome.

And anyway, he remembers Kushina and Mito-sama before that, neither of them were monsters. How could their legacy ever be one?

(Shikako looks at her teammates and feels nothing but conflicted, guilty relief.

A part of her had wanted to be on a more integral team, to better alter the course of future events. But another part of her had always been afraid of taking on such a daunting task.

Better to be on a team with these two–childhood bullies though they may be–than, god forbid, Naruto and Sasuke. She’d constantly be in the crossfire of powerhouses, pushed further and further to a breaking point that she doesn’t know where it will lead.

Jiro and Youbirin are blank slates as far as she’s concerned. She doesn’t need to worry about them, doesn’t need to watch over their destinies. They could die for all she knows, and plotwise it’d still lead to a good ending.)

“Fuck!” She shouts, turning to her fallen teammate who has crumpled to the forest floor. Youbirin gives a bloody cough in response, hands shakily going for the sword through his chest. “Jiro get over here!”

“I’m a little busy!” He shouts back, sending a bolt of lightning towards his opponent before retreating. They’re fighting Rock nin, with an Earth Pillar it becomes useless.

“I can’t heal this on my own,” Shikako says, hands futilely glowing green anyway. “Why would you do that? You could probably heal something like this.”

Youbirin gives another wet cough.

“Don’t die, please,” she begs, “You matter to me, don’t die, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, don’t die, don’t die,” she chants, hoping and pushing herself to her limits.

That’s the problem with genin teammates–they’ll always be important, no matter who they are.

Royal Flush

(On the one hand, traveling through time to meet the Nidaime Hokage is pretty cool. Getting to compare fuinjutsu notes with him is practically a dream come true.

Somehow being stuck randomly appearing at various points in his life? She’d rather not.

But, well, there’s a silver lining to everything.

She just has to find this one.)

Team Tobirama is a seven person team.

Except for when it’s an eight person team.

Tobirama-sensei only briefly introduces the girl before they’re off on what will undoubtedly be a difficult mission.

Cloud shinobi. It won’t be anything but difficult.

She’s a stranger and it shows, their team falling into the familiar grouping–Kagami, Danzo, Torifu and Hiruzen, Homura, Koharu–while sensei single-handedly destroys his own opponents. It leaves her alone, and for a moment Kagami worries, before he realizes that she’s holding her own.

More than, even.

(The Kinkaku Force should have overpowered them, forced the genin to flee while their sensei sacrifices himself.

Eight instead of seven.

Nobody dies that day. The hat does not get passed on quite yet)

She’s not a permanent member of their team, which confuses Kagami because as far as he can tell she’s not on any other team either.

“I don’t recognize her,” Torifu says in a hush, which is especially worrying. It’s not an admission, it’s a clue: if Torifu can’t recognize someone wearing Nara sigils, something is going on.

“She keeps staring at me,” Danzo adds, before his face flushes with a sudden realization, “Not–not like that!” he says, embarrassed, while Kagami and Torifu share a smirk.

“She is rather pretty,” Kagami teases, Torifu nodding in solemn agreement, because an opportunity to fluster Danzo is always something to take advantage of. And besides, it’s not as if they don’t trust her–Tobirama-sensei trusts her, and more besides she’s risked her life alongside them–but this is a mystery that needs solving.

(They never do figure it out.)


A/N: A little late but still respectable, I think. Also it’s not really my fault since tumblr appears to be having technical trouble–is that everyone or is it just me? I do have somewhat sporadic wi-fi right now.

I’ll try to meet the midnight deadline properly tonight, anyway.

So the first two are from a conversation I had with @unfortunatehatlessness, the third one was just a haunting idea I had–though, highly influenced by @donapoetrypassion’s In Which Someone Attempts To Kidnap Shikamaru, Instead. Fourth is the anonymously prompted AU of @kuipernebula’s and mine Team Medic!AU (uh, sorry for the bleak ending on that one, it works out okay in the end?) And fifth is kiiinda a response to Linnypants’ comment on ao3 about Shikako’s POV of my Semi-Phenomenal, Nearly Cosmic ficlet.

Wow, okay, that’s a pretty impressive sweep if I do say so myself 😀 Also, happy belated birthday to myself.

I’ll post this to ao3 in a bit

How To Adult Properly (And Maybe Heal Some People While We’re At It), a series of Team Medic ficlets 3/? (2016-07-19)

“Oh,” says the guy, eyes gone shiny and wide, like he’s two breaths away from swooning. As it is, a flush begins to spread across his cheeks and he begins fidgeting with the ends of his fingerless gloves. “I’d like that, Watanabe-san,” he says with a shy smile which isn’t unattractive at all.

“Please,” Jiro says, flashing a charming smile of his own which Sakura has actually caught him practicing in their bathroom mirror, “Call me Jiro,” he requests, before placing a hand on the other’s resting between them on the bar.

Jiro’s latest conquest really does look like he’s about to faint, eyes fluttering like out of a cheap romance novel.

Youbirin looks like he’s about to gag, though he hides it quickly enough behind his drink.

Sakura rolls her eyes, but they both stay silent while their teammate works his magic and gets the guy’s number and promise of a future date. Once he leaves out of earshot, however, they’re free to let loose.

“Oh my god,” Sakura bursts out, syllables stretched out in conflictingly amused horror, while Youbirin follows through on his impulse and gives mock retching noises.

“What?” Jiro protests, “It’s not my fault I’ve got game and both of you don’t.”

“That was not game, Jiro,” she scoffs, “Come on,” she scoffs, “That guy was way too easy to need any kind of game.”

Youbirin, backing her up, leans in close and flutters his eyelashes uncontrollably. “Isn’t this a symptom of electrocution? I mean, you’d know, Jiro-san,” he says, an exaggerated simper on the honorific.

“Medic-nin are so impressive,” Sakura adds, her own fluttering eyelids making Jiro laugh.

“Hey, low hanging fruit, right?” he asks with a smirk.

“I know you want something to be low hanging,” she quips back, pleased when she hears both Jiro and Youbirin sputter into their drinks.

“Sakura!” Jiro chokes out, appalled.

Youbirin, because he’s one step away from being uncultured swine, simultaneously wipes up his chin with his sleeve and holds out a hand for a high five.

She magnanimously deigns him with one.

“You guys are the worst,” Jiro mutters, but he waves over the bartender for another round, and that’s almost as good as him telling them he loves them.

“Lies,” Youbirin says,“we are the best,” and since Jiro doesn’t say anything to the contrary then it must be true.

Once they’ve been settled with new drinks, Sakura smacks Jiro on the shoulder to get his attention. She’s not actually trying to hurt him, but her super strength is kind of her default state, so he still winces at the impact.

“Feel free to go after your new beau,” she suggests, because why shouldn’t she live vicariously through one of her best friends. Part of her embarrassment at how easily Jiro was able to pick up that guy is because they’ve all collectively had so little free time that none of them have gotten anywhere near as close to getting laid as that in a shamefully long time.

“But what about–” Jiro gestures at all three of them, because each of them getting free time is rare, but all of them getting free time at the same time? Is damn near impossible.

“Don’t sweat it,” Youbirin says easily, probably feeling the same thing she is, “Sakura and I can get drunk by our lonesome and talk about how we apparently lack any game whatsoever.”

“If you’re sure?” Jiro asks, expression only a little bit guilty, and already standing up from his seat.

“Go on, already,” she says, shooing him away. As he leaves, she calls out after him, “And remember, if you bring him back to our place, no sex in the common areas!”

“Especially not the kitchen!” Youbirin adds, obnoxiously loud.

Jiro flips them off without turning around, otherwise acting as if he can’t hear their heckling.

She and Youbirin just laugh.


A/N: short thing based on a true story…

How To Adult Properly (And Maybe Heal Some People While We’re At It), a series of Team Medic ficlets 2/? (2016-06-12)

Youbirin finds Jiro at their usual table in the hospital cafeteria, a row of emptied coffee cups standing silent guard around the piles of paperwork being furiously scribbled upon. He sidles his way into an empty chair, cradling his own paper cup of bland tea above the pages of what looks to be a step by step explanation of one of Jiro’s neural ninjutsu.

Sakura joins them ten minutes later, an expression of such dread written on her face that it leaves both he and Jiro confused. Her shift at the hospital isn’t for another hour, at least.

Wisely, Jiro silently hands over a cup of coffee and otherwise stays absolutely still.

Youbirin, unfortunately, is far less savvy even after all these years. “What happened to you?” he asks, earning Sakura’s attention and the brunt of her misdirected disgust.

“I caught my parents having sex,” she intones, voice flat and full of despair, that at first Youbirin isn’t sure he heard her correctly.

Jiro grimaces in commiseration, and though Youbirin doesn’t quite understand–he grew up in the Nohara complex, a pair of apartment buildings and the smaller family run hospital, everyone packed in together with limited sense of privacy–he manages to stay quiet.

“I guess they didn’t think I was in the house?” She explains, the hand not caught in a frenzied grip around her coffee, clutched desperately in her bright hair, “I don’t know, I was sleeping mostly, but then I heard noises and I thought maybe one of them hurt themselves. So of course I went to check and then…” She concludes with a full body shudder, taking a swig of her coffee as if to fortify herself.

“I need to move out,” she says, and at first Youbirin assumes it is an exaggeration–much the same way their ‘could have been’ game is–that he laughs.

Except, after a beat, he realizes he is the only one laughing.

“What, you’re serious?” He asks, eyes darting between his genin teammates, “That’s an overreaction, don’t you think?”

Sakura sighs, chugs the last of her coffee, and runs her hands through her hair again.

“I don’t know. Not really?” She begins, “I mean, it’s not just because of that. I’m an adult, you know? A jounin combat medic and I still live in my childhood bedroom in my parents’ house and, oh. I suppose I am a little happy that my parents are still so in love, though I’d rather not witness it. I know it could have been worse–I could have caught one of my parents with some stranger, cheating, which would have been terrible. Oh, I don’t even know where I’m going with this!”

Jiro gives a sideways smile, “You need your own space now,” he suggests.

To which Sakura nods in agreement, “Yes! That, exactly.”

Jiro nods back, the two of them bobbing their heads in pleased unison, while Youbirin watches in bemused amusement.

“Me, too,” Jiro says, finally, once they’ve finished their nodding.

“What, you caught your parents in the act?” Youbirin asks.

“Ha! No, thankfully,” he says, while Sakura gives another full body shudder, assaulted by memories. “I just meant, I’ve been thinking about moving out, too. It’s a little… strained… living with my parents, lately”

“Why?” Sakura asks, curious and surprised. She’s met the Watanabes before, all of them have met each other’s parents at one point or another, and they had been kind. And while Jiro’s parents were not so outgoing as her own parents, they were still very nice.

Jiro gives a sigh of his own, before mumbling, “They want me to get married…”

Youbirin and Sakura wait patiently for him to finish.

“… to some merchant’s daughter.”


“But I thought they already knew about you liking guys–I mean, didn’t you already tell them? Why would they try to set you up with someone’s daughter?” Sakura asks, sentences crashing into each other clumsily.

“I have and they know,” Jiro shrugs, “but I guess they think its a phase or that I’d be willing to get married as long as they don’t expect grandchildren? Or maybe that I’d be okay if I could have a boyfriend on the side or something? What kind of person do they think I am?” He says, words getting increasingly angrier and faster, until near the end he’s nearly shouting.

It’s only because everyone else in the cafeteria has other things on their mind–or, like them, are medic nin that have carefully cultivated their indifference to non-medical things the way a gardener does his bonsai trees–that Jiro is only being stared at by his two genin teammates and not everyone in the room.

Regardless, Jiro checks himself, shoulders hunched, a flush of embarrassment across his face. When he speaks, his volume has dropped down to a more familiar level.

“I already told them I wouldn’t marry her, and they’ve accepted that at least. But it’s still rather… tense at home. And, well, I would like my own place so I don’t feel as awkward if I were to meet someone.” He shrugs again.

“As if we ever have the opportunity to,” Youbirin says, trying to inject some much needed humor into the conversation.

“We hardly have time to meet up with each other,” Sakura agrees, because trying to coordinate the schedules of three jounin combat medics for overlapping free time is nearly impossible.

“Actually, I was thinking…” Jiro begins, and both of his listeners pay attention, “I don’t really want to live all by myself. I do want my own space, but I don’t think I’m ready to be completely alone,” he explains, “And considering how I’m always at the hospital or on missions, it’d be wasteful to rent a place that’ll be empty more often than not.”

“Are you saying…” Sakura asks, hesitantly.

Jiro gives her an almost shy smile, “We could be flatmates? Split rent, see more of each other. It’ll be like when we were genin again,” he says, which prompts Sakura to smile brightly and clap with excitement, but just sours uncomfortably in Youbirin’s gut.

Yeah, just like their genin days–when Jiro and Sakura were sprinting forward and leaving him behind.

“There’s a three-bedroom place over in west Akimichi district that I’ve been looking at that isn’t too expensive,” Jiro says, pleased. Which makes sense, because any part of the Akimichi district is great and the west side is close to Konoha’s main hospital. Youbirin shouldn’t begrudge either of them that. Although…

“Three bedrooms?” he asks, interrupting Jiro and Sakura’s chatter.

She shoots him an exasperated expression, while Jiro looks at him, baffled.

“Of course I’d look for a place with three bedrooms,” Jiro says, “It’s not like the three of us are going to share a one room apartment.”


Youbirin tries not to let the relief show on his face.

“… Dibs on master bedroom.”


A/N: And another one, @kuipernebula. I was kind of trying to go for Youbirin as more tactless than mean-spirited? Like, his childhood bullying ways and continued poor social skills are mostly because he’s insensitive–in the way that he literally doesn’t have a feel for some nuanced interactions (which explains why Kabuto was so easily able to exploit him). So basically like Kiba but less roguishly charming (and I guess that might explain Jiro’s crush on Kiba)?

It’s probably a good thing he’s a combat medic and not part of the normal Medic Corps because he probably has shitty bedside manner.