Later, when Ben reconsiders what he said to Chad, he admits to himself and his empty single dorm room, that his words may have been… hasty. True, but hasty.
He’s not so committed to the crown that he would doom himself to a life without happiness. And it’s not as if there aren’t literally a dozen other princes and princesses who would be more than happy to have the throne. If he did abdicate.
But he was raised as crown prince, to the idea that his privileged lifestyle was only due to his responsibilities to the kingdom. What kind of king could he possibly be if he were willing to abandon his country? He doesn’t even know if Carlos likes him back!
At that, he smashes a pillow to his face to muffle his groan. He kissed Carlos. He just… kissed Carlos. All of his plans to court Carlos properly, or at the very least ask Carlos verbally if he would even consider going out with Ben, just… gone. All because of a preemptive kiss.
There are bound to be repercussions, but he has no idea what they are because Ben hasn’t seen Carlos since that kiss.
He lets out another muffled yell into his pillow, before pulling it away to breathe.
There’s a knock at his door.
He stares at it, uncertain. It was a fairly soft knock, if there even was one, he could just be imagining things. And, anyway, it’s after curfew, who could possibly–
This time the knock is much louder and far more persistent. So much so that Ben nearly falls while scrambling to the other side of the room to open the door just so that it will stop. And he nearly ends up with a fist in his eye for his troubles.
“Carlos!” He says, then winces at his own volume. He sticks his head out to check in either direction if anyone else heard. The hallway lights are dimmed to night time levels, but the moon is full and the windows let in enough of the glow to see clearly. No one. No one except Carlos, that is. “What are you doing here? It’s after curfew.”
“Aren’t you going to let me in?” Carlos asks, small sideways smirk curling his lips.
Suddenly Ben can’t help but wonder what that would feel like against his own mouth. If laughter filled kisses are better than regular ones.
“Ben?” Carlos asks, hesitantly this time, hands beginning to curl into the fabric of his pajamas.
“Yes, yes, of course. Sorry, right. Yes.” Ben blurts, shaking away his own distracted thoughts, and moving out of the way so Carlos can slip into his room. Ben tries to close the door as quietly as he can, but the click of the latch still seems unbearably loud.
They stand and stare at each other for a while, neither of them sure who should make the first move or even what the first move should be. Ben’s heartbeat thuds heavily in his ears, and the sense memory causes his arms to feel unacceptably empty, makes the distance between him and Carlos seem impossibly far.
He steps closer. And closer. And closer still, until they are in arms length from each other. Ben could easily curl a hand around the back of Carlos’ neck, wouldn’t have to lean too far to press foreheads together. But he doesn’t, because Carlos is staring up at him–not afraid, but tense–and they are only in this situation because Ben acted without asking. So he waits.
He’s not disappointed.
Carlos reaches out, and so Ben reaches back.
In the quiet, moonlit night, holding hands is far more intimate than all of Ben’s attempts at seduction.
~
A/N: I meant for this part to be Ben thinking all philosophically about his ~feelings~. But then he ended up being this dorky teenage boy and then Carlos butted in and demanded more screen time and I was just like… well… okay then, fictional characters, you do whatever you want.
Aaaand I suppose it’s a weird spot to end, but the next part will pick up immediately from where this leaves off. So… enjoy?
Let’s pretend it’s still before midnight.