Untitled (2017-03-30)

“I could die,” she said with a shrug, as cool as a cucumber. She said it the way one might say, “I could go for some ice cream,” or even “I could pick up some milk while I’m at the grocery store, if you’d like.”

The irony being, of course, that she was highly lactose intolerant.

Her offhand tone and casual demeanor nearly masked the content of her words, to which a generous narrator might attribute Jack’s belated, unhelpful response of:

“Um. Uh, Maybe?”

Unfortunately, the truth was that Jack was both awkward and frequently overcome by a dense fog of emotional incompetency. Now was one such occasion.

She laughed, if it could be called such. It was the laugh of a sailor encountering a shark in the middle of a hurricane–unimpressed, stressed, and yet, somehow, slightly amused. Toeing the line of hysterical, perhaps.

“You’re my best friend,” Jack said, rushed and cracked and desperately honest.

Ness sighed, “You’re mine, too.”

It was not new information and so, regretfully, it did not change anything.

There is a freedom in apathy; or so you think, at first.

It feels like ascending. Like leaving behind all of your worries and frustrations and grief. Like purging poison from your body, making you lighter–unburdened, relieved.

But not happier.

There is a danger in apathy.

Numb to pain, yes, but to pleasure as well. The things that used to make you smile are now overtired, trite baubles cluttering your space. Your favorite station is now just an annoying racket. Watering your little potted plant is a hassle.

You set your fingertips against an overheated panel and didn’t pull away until your skin began to blister.

But for a moment, you felt something.

Sadly, that something was curiosity.

~

A/N: This is the first time in a week that I got to go home before ten? And, also, there’s a clusterfuck going on at work, as per usual, but it’s NOT MY FAULT. I mean, I’m still going to be the one who has to fix it, but knowing it’s not my fault vindicates me greatly.

Can I just say, as an aromantic person that I absolutely LOVE AND ADORE your Walking Around (Sharing The World) AU. Like the feels man, the feels are KILLING ME. I empathize with Shikako so much BTW; you’re great.

🙂 Thanks!

I like to picture different domestic set ups, and while there are some problems in Walking Around (Sharing The World) that has more to do with Sasuke and Gaara not liking each other more than the actual situation of multiple households and partners (being aware and tolerant/accepting of each other. This is the important part. I do not condone adultery.)

I also have a soft spot for Sakako’s POV not quite understanding that her family is atypical, but being happy and safe and loved nonetheless.

lyricwritesprose:

bubonickitten:

do you think we as a society can finally acknowledge that “this thing didn’t have a name until recently” doesn’t necessarily mean “this thing did not exist until recently” or (worse) “this thing doesn’t exist at all”

Let’s also agree that “this thing did not have an English name until recently,” does not necessarily mean it was nameless.

I was talking to my coworker (who is over three decades older than me) who is both my friend and kind of like my mentor to adulthood, and we got to the topic of significant others. I already came out to him as not-straight, which he was really cool about, thankfully, but I don’t know how much he understands about my sexuality.

He’s not like my relatives who are “you just haven’t met the right man yet” (or woman, for the more liberally minded relatives), but he does often say “maybe you’ll meet a woman you’re into, so until then you have to work on your social skills.”

He’s right about the second half–I do have social anxiety, though I’ve been trying to mitigate it by going to weekly tabletop rpg nights–and the first half isn’t nearly as presumptuous as what my relatives say, but I’m not sure if he quite makes the connection when I say I’m ace/aro.

I’ve explained before about finding people aesthetically pleasing, but not sexually compelling or “attractive.” Some people–yes, even guys, I’ll have to explain–are pretty, but that doesn’t mean I want a relationship with them. My coworker nods and says, “I was like that, too, before I met my wife.”

And I was dreading hearing about “finding The One” and “love at first sight” and “just knowing,” but instead he talked about how they became friends first. About how they had mutual friends who kept trying to set them up with each other on dates, but neither of them wanted to be forced into anything. He talked about how he finds other people “sexy looking" but doesn’t want to have sex with them and he doesn’t get aroused by them. He can acknowledge that certain features are more attractive to him, but because he doesn’t know that person it’s kind of just looking at a nice statue.

And all I could think was “oh, you’re demisexual.”

But I didn’t say it. Because labels aren’t for people to use on others, but for people to help identify themselves.

And even though he and I are friends I don’t want to tell him he’s something when he’s pretty comfortable with his identity already. And, frankly, how would that change his life anyway? He’s married with a kid, he’s not in the market for dating so his demisexuality doesn’t affect his everyday life.

But I have to wonder, if demisexual was a more popular term when he was my age, would he comfortably self-identify as such?

Do you have any thoughts about what sage mode might feel like from the inside, or what it might be like to fight using techniques like it, that make you so durable that your hands are more reliable weapons than steel–less likely to break?

The foundation of my response is heavily steeped in physics that I only vaguely can remember, but I think it basically has to do with sage mode being pure energy?

Like, take the whole “more reliable/less likely to break than steel” my understanding is that steel shatters when A) there’s an impurity somewhere in the alloy, creating a weak spot in the weapon and B) it’s so cold that the metal becomes more brittle/less malleable.

“A” doesn’t really apply so much in this situation, but “B” kind of does? Or that’s what my thought process followed. Because what is cold but just an absence of heat? And what is heat but a manifestation of energy? Other manifestations of energy: light and motion (and sound? Maybe? I always figured sound fell under the motion category since it has to do with the ear perceiving changes in the air).

Uh, so… sage mode basically super charges the user with so much energy that, in comparison, everything else is “cold” and “brittle.” And it kind of makes sense–you have to meditate to gather natural energy and it’s a fairly short term ability because so much energy is being expelled (but not all at once, because then it’d be an explosion).

That being said, from the inside, it must be SO DOPE.

I mean, consider the curse seal–which Orochimaru based off sage mode–it’s corrupted, but apparently you feel super powerful. Yeah, it’s tainted with hyper-aggression and irrationality, but that’s because it’s not the real deal.

Sage mode is the ultimate form of the original/true Jedi code:

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet the Force.

Replace the Force with natural chakra, and you basically have it? Think of the not evil monks at the Fire Temple who are the less combat oriented forms of sage mode–is this not what they would have taught?

Alternatively, I might be mixing up my thoughts of sage mode with ninshu…

I don’t think the seal actually breaks the collarbone in canon, but it does go deep and can’t really be removed safely, and its placement risks death on the recipient. So I was thinking that breaking a bone when it’s placed forcibly would make sense and would let you echo the “grabbing the shoulder” motion you see on people with curse seals in canon and in fanfic.

Oooh… see, I always figured that the “basic” implant–the equivalent of ID card–was somewhere in the trapezius muscle anyway, so the curse seal being a virus that corrupts cybernetics would cause even that most basic implant to overheat and be painful. And it can’t be taken out because it’s not a physical thing–it’s in all of the victim’s tech.

In Reminder to Sleep, Orochimaru’s curse seal is an implant that forcibly snaps the collar bone as it goes in, I think. And I’d bet that all those little white snakes making up the giant snake he’s become are pieces of an AI he’s become. Maybe destructive analysis of his own brain to make the pattern? But what does the implant /do/? What could it do, in this AU?

… is the collar bone snapping functional or there for a reason? Is that what the curse seal does in canon?! Dang, I missed that detail.

I think it’s probably a virus that can corrupt cybernetics or the connection between organic and normal implants. I mean, why mess with success, right? It’s basically what the curse seal does in canon.

Although I don’t think Orochimaru would feature much in this AU, given that Remember To Sleep is a Shikako and Naruto centric story and, this is weird to say, but I think Orochimaru would be more successful in this AU than he was in the shinobi world.

As a character/person, his motivation was to become immortal so that he could reunite with his parents when they reincarnate. So creating the strongest body via experimenting on bloodlines and such all ties back to that. Him being discovered and run out of Konoha is because he violated the village’s philosophy/culture–I’m not saying he would have been accepted in any other of the big five villages (Cloud does want more bloodlines, and Mist at that time wasn’t exactly smiles and cupcakes) but that’s more a problem of a politics? Basically what I’m saying is that the circumstances were unfavorable for Orochimaru’s personality and goals.

In a world of AI and robotics and cybernetics, he doesn’t need to push as hard to achieve his goals. Yes, he probably does unethical experimentation, but it’s not as comparatively extreme in this ‘verse, it’s a situation better suited for him.

Also, he’s not going after Sasuke in particular since he’s not the last Uchiha in this ‘verse anymore so… he wouldn’t have that same relationship to the Lucky Sevens. Maybe instead it would lean against the Minato v Orochimaru rivalry for Hokage sort of thing–not, necessarily, that there is a Hokage role that they both competed for, but that they were both working in the same field (advanced AIs/androids) and they were constantly one-upping each other.

Maybe Orochimaru is the morally sketchy figure who knows some piece of information otherwise lost to the world, but won’t tell them unless they do him a favor?

I really liked your Tsunade and Sasuke analysis- such an interesting dynamic! And of course I laugh that Sasuke causes the fewest problems when we all know how hat could have gone.

Sasuke is the problem child that never was, Tsunade has no idea what kind of bullet she dodged there ;D

Like with many things that Kishi dropped, the echoing legacies between the Senju and Uchiha clans is a fascinating idea to play around with. Especially with “last of their clan” Sasuke and Tsunade. So, thanks! I’m glad you liked it, anon 🙂

Fire Fallow Cultivation (2017-03-27)

In the early morning hours as the sun begins to lighten, dawn slowly crawling into the sky, she sits on the veranda and breathes. Morning dew glistening on the grass, bird song filtering from the treetops.

For a few moments she can imagine that she is a child once more, those simpler happier times. When the house was fuller than just her and Shizune and the ever present ANBU guards, when the silence would be broken by the sounds of her family beginning to awaken.

Instead stands a copse of trees, the youngest nearly two decades old–for her cousin, Kohari–the next youngest after that for Nawaki.

Hers will be the last tree planted here. The end of a tradition, the end of a clan.

For a few moments, Tsunade drinks her tea and imagines.

Of the Lucky Seven brats–Hatake included–it’s obvious that the Uchiha brat is the least troublesome. She loves Naruto, and it’s not just professionalism that has her keep bringing Kakashi and Shikako back from their stupidly persistent death wishes, but Sasuke is the least problematic and she’s not ungrateful for that.

Of course, he still is a Lucky Seven brat: least troublesome does not mean not troublesome whatsoever.

“It’s a routine patrol,” she says to the impassive ceramic face of ANBU Hawk, “it’s been run every day for decades! Probably since Konoha itself was founded!”

Still, ANBU Hawk’s face does not change. His posture, though, slouches just that tiniest bit.

She softens her tone, “Better for it to be discovered than not, of course, I just don’t know how this could have stayed hidden for so long.”

Neither of them mention the Sharingan. The whole point of ANBU Hawk is anonymity.

Before, Uchiha in ANBU were sent out immediately on ops. An Uchiha on a routine ANBU patrol would have been inefficient, underutilizing their abilities… or so Danzo would have said.

If there are any hidden caches and tunnels that only a Sharingan can see around the Hokage’s residence…

“Bodyguard duty for you,” Tsunade says, and tries to make it sound like punishment.

Seeing her face on the mountain–alongside her grandfather’s, her granduncle’s, her sensei’s, and that Namikaze brat’s–she thinks about legacies. About responsibilities and inheritances and the cloying, clawing threads that tie her down.

Konoha was her home. Konoha was her hell. Konoha is in her blood, in her heart, in her bones. In every word she speaks and every person she heals and every desk she shatters under her fist. All the paperwork blurring beneath her eyes, every face that looks up to her, every building every weapon every tree.

She is Hokage, she is Senju, she is Konoha.

Konoha was not just one clan’s dream, Konoha is not just one clan’s inheritance.

Shizune adjusts to living in the village easily enough, but Shizune has always been adaptive. It helped on the road, when Tsunade was more drunkard than mentor, and it helps now when Tsunade has to allocate more and more of the hospital’s running to her first apprentice.

First apprentice. How strange to think of Shizune that way when she is more than that–her confidante, her friend, practically her niece–and yet it’s not inaccurate.

Tsunade never thought she’d have a second apprentice, but there’s something about that Haruno girl. Potential, yes, but a joy and love for life that she can barely remember having herself.

She certainly never thought she’d have third one, and not even for medicine at that, but the Uchiha brat has an eye for administration. She’s not just talking about his Sharingan, either, though that certainly helps with the paperwork.

Tsunade was raised to be head of a waning clan, groomed for the position, no matter how futile it turned out to be. Sasuke never had that.

He was the spare, the youngest. A child with a hyper-competent older brother, a fully functioning clan, an entire infrastructure that had no need for him.

And yet.

There is no formal invitation. She does not leave confidential information lying around, though it’s not as if there’s much of a Senju clan to manage anyway.

But if she voices her decision making processes out loud more often. If she’s become observant of customs long set aside. If she has two cups of tea prepared for the early morning hours, well.

Everyone adapts eventually.

In the backyard of the Hokage’s residence is a copse of trees, a holdover from a past era.

She remembers digging for every single tree: scoops of soil in clumsy toddler hands, crescents of dirt beneath her nails as she clutched her newly orphaned brother close.

Trying so hard not to cry on Nawaki’s because it would devastate her if his tree withered from salt. (Dan should have a tree. A few months more, maybe, but she’s done with pleading for an impossibility).

She came back long enough to plant Kohari’s tree (and regret that she didn’t know what the Uzumaki traditions were) and leave with Shizune in tow.

It might be blasphemous, might enrage all of her Senju ancestors, but what does she care what a bunch of dead people think? If she wants to have an Uchiha plant her tree, well, who is going to stop her?

She’s the last of her clan; she wants someone who will remember her as such.

~

A/N: Less Tsunade and Sasuke bonding and more implied bonding and character analysis? Hope you enjoy anyway, @future-tongue!

Fire fallow cultivation, aka slash-and-burn agriculture, is when fields are burned so that the ash can enrich the soil for future crops to grow. 😀

Counterclockwise (2017-03-25)

“Hey!” she screams up at the sky, empty and silent and useless, “How long are you going to wait? Haven’t I done enough?”

There is nothing around her, nothing for the sound to bounce back, no echoes just her voice lost to eternity.

She’s reached a new low. Now she does not want an ending. She needs it. And she’s demanding it.

She doesn’t know if there is a god up there, one who will smite her for her hubris or will take pity on her. She’s met people with fantastic powers, people with immortality, people with both. She’s met beings who go by the terms angels and demons. She’s met spirits of long passed people, spirits of ideas, spirits of natural formations. Once, she met a spirit of red crayons who gave her a surprisingly legitimate treasure map after she did it a great service.

But she’s never met a god.

She thinks, if she ever does, she’s going to punch it in its face.

She’s become riskier over the years. Vicious and flippant and aggressive over the eons. Once, she was just some civilian who thought fighting was the arguments she had with her siblings over whose turn it was to do the dishes.

Now she runs headfirst into battles, brushing past a literal invulnerable man and sneering, “Why are you hesitating? What’s the worst that can happen? We’ll die?”

Once, meeting Apex had brought stars to her eyes. Had reaffirmed her confidence that maybe she could one day be hero, too.

Now she is the team’s walking time bomb, all shrapnel and fire and incandescent rage, even he is afraid to follow where she goes.

Sometimes, she wonders, if he had just said something then–years in the future for him, but ages in the past for her–if he had warned her away, would anything have changed?

All these what ifs, more heady and seductive with the growing power in her palm, like coins rattling in a jar, or gleaming at the bottom of a fountain. What if she could just pluck them up and hold them to the sun and wish?

How much more does she need? What is the quota? Or maybe, she thinks, there is none. There is no mystical, mysterious finish line that she needs to cross. There is no time card to punch out, no hours to dock, no sick days or annual bonuses. Seasons barely mean anything to her, she doesn’t know when her last birthday was. She’s beginning to forget what her family looked like.

No wonder Bastian was so mad when they first met: she’s finally on her way to joining him.