Cross-Post: Untitled (Thurs Oct 27)

original here. dated 2011-10-27

[A/N: First cross-post so you know what to expect in the upcoming week(s). Anything after the tilde is pretty much lifted straight off my livejournal so… be kind?]

~

My first sip of alcohol was champagne. My father had some kind of celebratory social event–he wasn’t the one being celebrated, but he, and thus I, was invited. The sun was bright and our clothing pretty but impractical–I was uncomfortably warm.

A toast! To the initiates or cadets or graduates, I don’t remember. I remember the amusing artwork on a neighboring building–stick people trying to climb into windows. I remember the white plastic fold out chairs with blue balloons tied at the end of each row.

The champagne was served in those cheap, wannabe glasses that aren’t made out of glass at all. I took a sip and immediately regretted it. The alcohol seared my young tongue and the carbonation fizzed unpleasantly in my nose. I gave my not-glass glass to my father. He had already finished his.

My second taste of alcohol was, in contrast, at night. My older sister, of a legal age to drink, had begun an exploratory campaign to find what she liked. Multiple tiny colored bottles appeared in the refrigerator. They disappeared soon enough.

One night, almost alone in the apartment, I had been preparing to sleep. My younger sister entered our dark shared room, her silhouette revealing little else but her height which I envied. Try this, you’ll probably like it, she said. In her hands was a tiny porcelain mug, the kind for children with cartoon characters painted on it.

How do you know that? I asked. It was hard lemonade–I do have a soft spot for lemonade. Okay, I said, only a little. She transferred that cool tiny mug into my own hands, and I took a sip. I know what real lemonade should taste like and that just accentuated the alcohol. She may have finished the mug or poured it down the drain, but not long after she returned and we said good night.

My third experience of alcohol was not actually as a drink. At a family reunion–the large kind where you don’t really know that many people and it take a while to figure out how exactly people are related–my sisters and closer cousins sat in the shade of a short tree. Too numerous to fit around our allocated table, some of us sat on the grass or along a brick ledge.

My older cousin, who I would say to almost be a brother to me if I had any experience with male siblings, or perhaps my first crush if you believe in Freud’s Oedipal complex, sat beside me. A few inches apart, close enough for familiarity and far enough not to add to the summer heat or jostle our elbows. I looked over at his white disposable cup, curiously, for his movements were not as smooth as usual.

A mischievous and secretive grin, he tilted the cup in my direction. Dark red wine and floating pink blocks of watermelon. He held it out to me and I took the smallest cube, cool in my mouth. That alone was worth a smile. I placed it under my tongue, away from my taste buds, and couldn’t tell him that I didn’t really like it.

Untitled (2015-03-30)

There was this girl who was amazing–she was smart and talented and determined and flawed, but still amazing. I use the word ‘was’ because she ‘is’ dead now. And it sucks.

I never knew her personally, in fact, I didn’t even know her name until after she died. I didn’t bother to learn her name until after she died.

Delia Nemenzo

This applies to seven other people: the number of people who died during the Belmont Science Expo.

Xavier Gray
Vera Fay Young
Richard Dallan
Trina Davidson
Min-Sol Chung
Brenda Felix
Chester Amon

I didn’t know any of them. Not all of them were presenters, not all of them were students. I’m sorry I can’t do more for them, or for the loved ones they left behind. At least for Delia Nemenzo, I can do one small thing.

I was there at the Belmont Science Expo when the explosion happened. I got out relatively unscathed, considering I was in the blast radius–a broken wrist, a concussion, second-degree burns on my arms. Most of my equipment is still usable–though I did have to get my camera lens replaced, and a new cellphone. My mom cried, she had been worried–she had known I was there for a job, but she hadn’t known what happened to me.

I had been hired to record the Expo and make a short film summarizing the event. It was kind of difficult, since I was only allowed the one camera and, due to security concerns, I was the only one with a camera so I couldn’t just edit together other people’s footage and call it a day. But nothing unusual, I had done it the previous two years. It seemed crass to make one of this year’s Expo; Belmont University agreed. I’m somewhat ashamed to be thankful that they didn’t take back the deposit.

I had been filming the presentations, obviously, since they were the centerpiece of the Expo. Delia Nemenzo was in the midst of hers during the explosion. I recorded her last moments of life. In a less morbid statement, I also recorded student interviews before their presentations. She had been bright and happy and nervous as she answered the scripted questions. I hadn’t cared then. But I do now.

And I know some people who would care even more.

I don’t know if it’s insensitive, or harmful, but I have a DVD for the Nemenzo family and some flowers for the casket.

~

A/N: Uh… I’m not sure where this came from? I kind of had an idea where… this spun into a murder mystery kind of thing, but all told from the POV of random minor characters. Like, the barista in the detective’s favorite coffeeshop noticing a picture in the casefile, or a concerned bus driver remembering seeing certain people during a time when they were supposedly elsewhere carrying something suspicious. Just little people doing little heroics. This particular drabble above is meant to be that the filmmaker recorded some activity/person that actually brings to light that it was a murder not just an accident.

Also, I hope I am not accidentally using someone in real life’s name. If I am please let me know so I can change it.

Untitled (2015-03-23)

Surprisingly, it was Laila that solved the mystery. Or, at least, brought to light that said mystery… wasn’t.

“Oh, I know him,” she quipped sleepily from her seat in the corner booth, which had been, since the day she stepped through the doors, reserved solely for her use. Dandelion the cat sprawled elegantly next to her while Tommy the human lay curled up on her other side. Both of their heads were in her lap, gently being scratched, and they both had identical looks of half-lidded bliss. With all the blankets and pillows around her, and the Cat’s Meow’s only tea set in front of her, she looked like an ailing, well attended child-queen.

Jack, having already shed his Thunder persona along with his dignity with the appearance of Mr Tuesday, felt no shame in butting into the scene. Tommy growled at him, but grudging sat up properly to give him room to sit.

“Who is he?” Jack tried not to shout at her, though his eagerness was undeniable. Ness couldn’t have possibly heard, being too far away and busy with drink orders beside, but she glanced in their direction. Warningly at him in particular, “Please,” Jack amended.

“He works for CRO-Tech Industries, he’s like… second in command there,” Laila explained, “Suleiman Isidore is more well-known, but he’s not the only genius inventor,”

“How do you know that?” Tommy asked, as eager to know more about her as Jack was to know about Mr Tuesday.

“Oh. Well, Suleiman is my cousin.”

~

A/N: Continuation of the other post from today.

Well, I guess I’m connecting the Cat’s Meow universe to this drabble also.

And… to be completely honest, most of my original fiction is like… different parts of the same coherent universe.

Untitled BH6 drabble (2015-03-20)

Their company is not even two years old, seemingly just one of many small tech companies in the Bay Area, but Alistair knows that it’s destined for big things.

Nominally, he’s co-founder and CEO, the most important person in their tiny twenty person company, which is why he’s the only one with a proper office with an actual door as opposed to just having a desk in the bull pen. What that just means is that he’s always the last person to get news.

So when, suddenly, cheering can be heard outside his door, he expects the ten minute wait until Shizuka enters. With the door open the chattering of their employees becomes more audible, then with its closing the sound becomes muffled.

Nominally, Shizuka is co-founder and… well, everything from Alistair’s PA to head of HR to CFO. Alistair’s pretty sure Shizuka has more responsibilities then he does, but he’s the one stuck in an office by himself. Whenever he points out that it’s not fair, Shizuka just flashes that infuriatingly polite smile and responds, “You’re the CEO, it would be inappropriate.” As if the rest of the company hadn’t already seen him drunkenly dancing on a table during the New Year’s party. As if Shizuka hadn’t once had to fish him out of SFIT’s campus stream during their junior year.

The point is, it doesn’t make any sense that the CEO is the last to know about things and the… whatever Shizuka is… is always the first to know.

“Stop pouting, I always tell you anyway,” Shizuka scolds, but it’s teasing and not even partially convincing to Alistair who can see how Shizuka is practically vibrating with joy.

“Is it good? Tell me, it’s good right? Did Ananya’s VR tech make it through the second round of testing? Has Min-jun’s boyfriend brought cupcakes?” Considering how small their company is, and new besides, informality really does make sense. Added to the fact that Alistair and Shizuka graduated with many of them, and the fact that the eldest–Belinda, 31 years old and working on bio-fueled prosthetics in her spare time–well… it would be weird not to call them by their first names.

Shizuka’s head shakes minutely, which is alarming because those are the only two major things he can think of that would cause this much fanfare. But that smile is still present so…

“It’s Stark Industries. They want to meet with us.”

He can feel a grin spreading on his own face, the kind that Shizuka says makes him look kind of dopey.

“Investors!”

Three weeks later, Alistair is grateful to Shizuka for making him wear his itchy nice suit because at least it’s distracting him from calling bullshit on this whole farce of a meeting and punching Obadiah Stane in the face.

It’s not like he really thought they would be meeting with Tony Stark (though a tiny fanboy part of him really hoped they would) and the fact that they’re meeting with Stane is impressive in and of itself. There are hundreds of tiny startups with the same hopeful dreams as Krei Tech, who would possibly literally kill him for this opportunity. But he doesn’t want this.

This being Stane with his patronizing smile and his oily words and his overt snubbing of Shizuka right in front of him. Stane with his offer to buy out Krei Tech. Not invest. Assimilate.

Such bullshit.

And it doesn’t help that, for the past forty minutes, Shizuka has been looking more and more distressed by a constantly vibrating cell-phone which is being reluctantly ignored in a white-knuckled hand under the table. Alistair knows that Shizuka doesn’t believe in interrupting business for personal matters, but he also knows that there are only so many people who have that phone number and except for their employees who are also their friends and who also all know what’s happening right this second… it’s family.

And Shizuka only has two family members to speak of.

“Why don’t we take a break? Give us some time to discuss this amongst ourselves,” Alistair says, smile more of a grimace or baring of teeth.

Stane agrees, and swaggers victoriously to the part of the conference room where the rest of the Stark contingent of lawyers and whatever have set up, because he thinks he’s got this acquisition in the bag. Yeah, right.

But at least it leaves just Alistair and Shizuka at the table, though he quickly pulls the both of them out to the hallway for more privacy.

“Shizuka, what is it?” He asks, but Shizuka is already pulling up the voicemails and listening to them on speaker.

“Hello, is this Shizuka Hinokage? This is Officer Kline of the SFPD, there’s been an accident involving Maemi Takachiho…” the recording drones in an exhausted sounding voice. It’s only 2:30.

“Oh no,” Shizuka breathes out.

“… I’m sorry to inform you that she didn’t make it…”

Alistair’s stomach is dropping, he can’t imagine what this is like for Shizuka.

“… We have her son, Hiro, here along with social services. You need to come to the station and get him…” The voicemail continues on with little details, but it’s not really registering, it’s not important.

“I–I need to–Hiro’s waiting for me… But the meeting–” Shizuka stammers, more disjointed than Alistair has ever seen.

“The meeting is over. It’s not important,” Alistair says with the conviction of someone with the truth behind him. “I’ll give you a ride,”

Stane sneers disdainfully at the two of them when Alistair pops in just long enough to reject their offer. But, again, not important.

What’s some shitty “merger” compared to Shizuka’s family? Nothing.

~

A/N: Because I always have a soft spot for minor characters and Alistair Krei and nameless assistant deserve more. Buuut to be strictly honest I guess this is sort of the prequel to a BH6 non-related!sort-of-but-not-really-HS!aged-up-Hiro!AU Hidashi fic which I will hopefully be writing more of. God that’s a really long description.

I’m unsure what gender nameless assistant was supposed to be, but luckily Shizuka can be either a boy or girl’s name. Also, I kind of like the idea of Shizuka just being non-gendered anyway. So…

Hinokage Shizuka is cousin/sibling to Takachiho Maemi aka Takachiho Hiro’s mother. Seeing as how Hiro’s father already died when he was younger Shizuka is now his closest relative/newest guardian.

You can find more of my brainstorming for this on my lj under my Big Hero 6 tag.

Untitled Peverell drabble (2015-03-19)

The night of the 1938 Sorting was one that Albus will remember for the rest of his life; but not for the reason he had expected. For the most part it was completely normal, or as normal as a magical school in a magical castle could be. There had been dark clouds heavy with moisture all day, ready to empty themselves, and as soon as the sun set they had done so. Right on the unlucky first years crossing the lake. It didn’t deter the majority of them, as eager and wide-eyed at the prospect of learning magic as before. In fact, it was as good an introduction as any: he greeted them at the doors and waved his wand, casting drying and warming charms on the whole lot of them.

Some of them chirped and giggled at each other, the ones new to magic especially amazed; while others, those who had come from wizarding households, were quick to pat down tufts of hair and straighten out their robes. He had his eye on one boy who really ought to have been part of the former, but reacted more like the latter with even less tolerance in his scowl, and thus he missed a pair of students. Though it was probably because they were already immaculately dry, that Albus had assumed he had already gotten them. It would be the first and only time that he would make such a mistake.

The Hogwarts ghosts made their rounds, initiating another burst of high pitched chatter, before Albus called for all of their attention again. He explained, without revealing, what would happen and what would be expected of them during the Sorting. With that done, he finally led them into the Great Hall, where they oohed and aahed at the enchanted ceiling and the veteran students began their own informal rituals of the Welcoming Feast.

On the stool sat the Sorting Hat, and in Albus’ hand the lesser known Sorting Scroll, for both were artifacts of Hogwarts. The Scroll would not fill itself with names until after the Hat sang, so although Albus had an idea of who composed the first year class it would be as much of a surprise to him as anyone else. Perhaps even more so.

Because even before he got to the name of that scowling boy he had been dreading, there were two names which stole his breath.

“Peverell, Hesperian,” and a boy with hair as dark as night, eyes as green as new life, walked up to the stool and sat. Were it not for the small stature and the clinging baby fat, the boy would be a perfect match for Albus’ own imaginings of the legendary Peverell brothers.

But, that was not it. For after Peverell, Hesperian had been sorted into Ravenclaw, there was,

“Peverell, Luciana,” and a girl with hair like starlight, eyes the same silvery grey as a ghost, walked up to the stool and sat. And perhaps Albus had gone mad, for she too looked a heroine of myth and legend. And she too was sorted into Ravenclaw.

Even as he called out the name of that scowling boy, who unexpectedly was sorted into Slytherin, all Albus could think of were those two new Ravenclaws. 

And thus a timeline was changed.

~

A/N: This is a little something that I’ve been wanting to work on for a while but have always been putting off since I’m afraid my writing isn’t good enough for it. But you know what? If I don’t write it, it’s never going to be done, so no matter how badly I may cringe at my prose I say bring it on.

Unfortunately, I do not have a title for it yet… but if you want to “spoil” yourselves here is the outline/brainstorming for this series.

Untitled (2015-03-10)

She is recruited into SPAN not long after being promoted from postulant to novice in the Biology Guild. She’s been at the artificer rank in both Cryptography-Coding and Security for the past few years, the former for three the latter for four. SPAN requires beings to be a part of two Guilds, they do prefer recruits to have an even wider array.

~

Approaching a target in order to achieve a desired objective is more of a science than an art. When you’re trying to get something you want, it’s best to make it a definitive transaction instead of something that can be held over your head in the future. Being desperate removes any leverage you might have had in negotiations. Instead, try making it seem like you’re doing them a favor with your desired objective being their payment.

~

This is not what you envisioned your life would be–a house-spouse to a man five years your junior, who you aren’t even technically married to, and surrogate parent to his adopted daughter who has a penchant for combining fashion and mechanics. What happened to you? What happened to that teenager who would run rampant all day long, pulling all-nighters for the hell of it, fighting with fists and words until you were free to do whatever you want?

But you realize, this is what you want. You love that goofball of a man and his eccentric daughter. You love cooking and keeping the small house in tip-top shape. You love not having every moment be full of drama and conflict, not having to carve out your place in the world with teeth and blood. You’re content, and it’s startling, but you like it.

~

A/N: None of these are related… but I couldn’t come up with a long enough cohesive drabble so… The first part is from my original fiction Triptych, the second is some lingering Burn Notice-inspired spycraft, the third is… I don’t even know.

Untitled (2015-03-09)

“Good evening,”

“What are you doing in my house?” She all but growled, shoving the intruder against the wall, arm pressed threateningly against their throat.

“House is a bit of a stretch, don’t you think?” They murmured, without a trace of fear. And were it not said so condescendingly, she would have admitted it were true. The peeling paint, dented and pock-marked walls, and dust-stained windows–dilapidated was the first word that would come to mind.

Regardless, “Who are you and what are you doing here?”

Their eyes landed back on hers, mouth curled into a smirk. “You wouldn’t know me, but I’ve heard of you. And I’ve heard about a certain problem you have that I can help you with…”

Anger was beginning to wane, so she pulled his arm away, but irritation still remained and so beyond that she didn’t move. “What problem?”

“Why, your dead brother, of course.”

And there was the anger again. This time, her arm pressed harder, no longer just a threat but enough force to make speaking impossible, breathing difficult, and a person’s vision begin to blur.

But still no fear.

So she pulled away again, because she wanted answers more than she wanted to hurt someone. “I already caught those bastards who killed him,” It had taken months–of her mother’s frustrated tears, of her sister-in-law’s accusing eyes, of her baby niece’s unknowing fear–but she caught them.

“That’s not what I said at all. Justice doesn’t concern me, vengeance even less so.”

“So what–” Her voice choked at the possibility that remained, “What are you talking about?”

“I think you know,” They said, still as physically submissive as before but somehow more powerful, “How do you solve a problem of a dead brother?”

You bring him back to life, went unsaid by either of them.

“You’ll have to talk to my mother,” She demurred, but didn’t reject, finally backing up.

“I already did. Do you think I would be so disrespectful as to not approach the matriarch first?” They ask, as if the question–the content and the phrasing–was a matter of common sense.

She frowned, “Then why do you need to come to me?”

“If it’s going to work I’m going to need ingredients. And help.” They smiled in return, a wide sharp Cheshire grin. “You’re just number two of three.”

Except for the funeral, which was a whole other can of worms in and of itself, they hadn’t all been gathered in the same space since before her brother died. It would have been hard enough, considering that her sister-in-law not so quietly blamed her, without the… magician making inappropriate comments. Such as:

“Let’s not play coy, I’m a necromancer.”

and

“Luckily you didn’t cremate the body, that would have made things difficult.”

and even

“This baby will cause such marvelous deaths in the future, have you considered appointing her a magical godparent?”

Most of which went ignored.

Finally, after the bitterness festering in between the three women was at least partially resolved, partially transformed into shared wariness against the necromancer, they were able to get to business.

“Here’s how it works: he was son, brother, father. So from mother, sister, daughter I require bone, blood, and hair.”

There was shouting in response, her sister-in-law outraged at any hint of damage to the baby, but the necromancer remained unmoved until finally her mother asked for clarification.

“From mother, bone. And, I’ll let you know now–teeth are okay. You will not believe the amount of morons who cut off a finger without thinking about it. From sister, blood. From daughter, hair. I admit, the fluff isn’t much but it’s a reasonable price to pay. Don’t you think?”

“Of course not–” Her sister-in-law blustered, before being interrupted.

“I wasn’t asking you, I was asking her.” And their eyes were fixed on the baby.

“You realize she’s only eleven months old,” Her mother said slowly, less frightened and more skeptical of the necromancer.

“Mind magicks may not be the strongest in my repertoire, but even I can get a read off a baby’s emotions in the same room.” They huffed, and for the first time they expressed an emotion that wasn’t infuriating smugness.

“Second, this will only work once. If he dies again, not even I can do anything about him. And third, if I die, he dies.”

“How dare you–” She stood, the better to tower over, to intimidate.

“It is not a threat, but a fact.” They said calmly, as nonchalant as always. “What I want in return is a favor from each of you. Favor from mother, sister, daughter. And yes, baby, I get it. I’m not going to ask for a favor now, obviously.”

The three women, and one baby, were silent, pondering.

They agreed.

~

A/N: A clash of fantasy and crime fiction… detective’s brother gets killed as a “message,” and then a necromancers sweeps in to fix things… only to draw the detective further into the world of supernatural. Actually, with that kind of summary, I’m interested in continuing this ‘verse.


https://jacksgreysays.tumblr.com/post/112770673449/audio_player_iframe/jacksgreysays/tumblr_nkqbrpZY2R1u7pteb?audio_file=https%3A%2F%2Fa.tumblr.com%2Ftumblr_nkqbrpZY2R1u7ptebo1.mp3

Untitled (2015-03-04)

In the world of espionage and assassination, being tall is not all what it’s cracked up to be. Sure, with longer limbs come superior reach and leverage, but your center of gravity is further from the ground, making it easier to knock you down and keep you there.

Outside of fights, which don’t occur as often as fiction would have you believe, extra height is not necessarily a benefit. An implicit intimidation factor can help in some cases, but in others it can be a disadvantage. If you need to, for example, walk away unnoticed from an explosion you’ve caused? Being tall is a hindrance.

If you’re six feet five inches, you’re at least half a foot taller than the average person in a crowd. Meaning you can’t exactly disappear when you’re sticking out like a sore thumb. Moreover, if you are that tall and have the muscles of a professional athlete without the clout of being one, the authorities likely aren’t going to believe you’re some innocent bystander. Especially with all that soot and debris on you.

In contrast, if you’re, let’s say, five foot three, then getting away is easy. When the top of your head is below the eye level of the people searching for you, it makes hiding effortless. In the unlikely event that they do pull you aside for questioning, there’s a greater chance they’ll believe you when you stutter out that you don’t know what happened. Add in some trembling and crying, and they’ll apologize to you for the traumatic experience.

If you’re shooting at an enemy, don’t aim for their head. While usually that means an instant kill, no matter how sharp a shooter you are, it’s very easy for them to dodge. Ducking is as simple as letting gravity pull you down.

Instead, shoot at their core–stomach, waist, chest. Ducking isn’t going to help them, and unless you’re shooting at an Olympic high jumper going the opposite direction isn’t going to help them either. Stepping to either side relies on them being able to predict the trajectory of a bullet going two thousand feet per second. It’s just not going to happen. So shooting at your enemy’s torso is best: not only is it harder for you to miss, you have a wide variety of vital organs to hit.

Youth is a double-edged sword. Correction, assumed youth is a double-edged sword. If you’re blessed with youthful features or even excellent makeup abilities, it’s easy to appear as an indistinct teenager. Unless you present yourself as a surly delinquent, or you’re surrounded by irrational morons, a teenager isn’t going to be held culpable for crimes more serious than shoplifting, graffiti, or terrible driving.

Of course, by disavowing any responsibility, there’s the risk of being pulled under the wing of some well-meaning authority figure. You can’t exactly break your cover, because that will put you back on the suspect list, which means you’ll just have to stick to your lies and wait for the opportunity to ditch the mother hen.

~

When you’re going undercover, everything about you has to match your backstory. Your clothes, your hair, your movements. That being said, make sure you use a backstory that you can take on without much effort. Even the best actors have trouble staying in character when they’re surprised or in pain, and those tend to be the moments when you need it the most.

The most common mistake is having an accent one moment, then losing it the next as you cry out in pain. Accents also tend to be the easiest to bust as fake–not remembering a supposed common acquaintance can be chalked up to faulty memory, but if you fluctuate between a Bostonian accent and a Jersey accent then people will know something is up.

Instead, consider changing your speech patterns: if you’re normally a concise and eloquent speaker, then mumbling and sprinkling in a few ums, and you knows, and I guesses, reinforces a cover more than a fake Louisiana drawl. To a listener, accents come from specific locations that can be tested and those tests possibly failed. Speech patterns, on the other hand, reflect a thought process, which gives you some leeway in your actions. It also means any changes in how you speak when under duress is attributed to the situation instead of inconsistent acting abilities.

~

A/N: I’ve been marathoning Burn Notice on Netflix… and to be honest I’m kind of ambivalent to it. Obviously I like it, otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten to season 5 (and counting), but it’s not really something that I’d make a fuss over. The writing is both good and inane–the overarching plot is almost as ludicrously complex as a soap opera’s and practically nothing is a surprise. But it’s well delivered inanity.

I wouldn’t say it’s Burn Notice fanfiction, but I liked the idea of a (somewhat condescending) badass trying to teach the ways of badassery to someone else, namely the reader. Maybe I’ll re-appropriate it into one of my already existing fanfic ideas (if I ever get around to actually writing a multi-chaptered story)–it’d work well in Naruto or Katekyo Hitman Reborn… or the Turk side of FFVII.

Also, I can’t guarantee the validity of my “advice” which is why I’m putting it in the original fiction tag. FICTION. Please don’t actually shoot anyone… or cause any explosions… thank you.

Untitled (2015-03-03)

My father and I are much alike. From the outside, people say it as a compliment–he’s a respectable man, I should be honored–but it’s not always a good thing.

We emote silently, or at the very least non-verbally. Regretting silently is a show of submission; grieving in the same manner, a show of strength. Restraining words in anger prevents others from getting hurt; and a smile always more honest than flattery.

But it’s a dangerous thing–it makes words spoken in the midst of emotional turmoil, all the more potent. They are concentrated, crystallized feelings in verbal form; mused over in a specific head state, turned this way and that at different angles to sharpen them into knives. Or worse, when there is such a tidal wave of emotions that it breaks through your self control, bursts out rapid fire like spray of bullets.

Taciturn and solemn and stoic, they are admirable descriptions until you deal with them personally.

We are takers, not givers. It’s an unreliable binary, steeped in bias, but not entirely false. Givers are not always generous out of altruism, and takers not always selfish, endless consumers. But there is an implicit assumption to givers and takers, they always assume others are like them.

With my mother, when she gives she expects others to give back. It’s not necessarily that she wants something in particular, but she wants reciprocity, she wants a counter offer. It’s uncomfortable, a heavy weight that presses down. It’s less an I owe you and more a you owe me; a favor for a favor, whether you want it or not.

But with my father and I, we are conscientious takers. We take only what we need because taking more tips the balance, taking more means less in the future… and someone is at the other’s mercy. We are calculating and scrupulous, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we’re heartless.

We have hearts, they’re just rather on the cold side.

~

A/N: A little late, but I think it’s still good. Also veeeery vaguely autobiographical.

Untitled (2015-02-28)

Imagine a boy. His world is ending because his Momma is in a hospital room and the doctors say she can’t come back home. This boy is just old enough to decipher what that really means. Death is something that can happen to people, not just unfortunate houseplants and goldfish.  Not anymore.

So while this boy loves his Momma, knows that her time is limited, he leaves the room. Because he is scared, and a part of him–a slowly dwindling part, a part which he is beginning to outgrow–still thinks that if he doesn’t see it, it won’t be true.

He finds his way into another hospital room–this one much fancier than his Momma’s. It only has one bed, only one person, and it has wide windows to let in sunlight. But it’s not as nice, the boy thinks, because there aren’t any flowers or handmade cards or balloons. It’s a very empty room, even though it’s occupied.

So the boy clambers into the chair next to the bed, because he is still young and he is still quite small, to look at the sleeping man in the bed. Later on, the boy will learn the difference between sleeping and a coma, but unconsciousness looks the same to him.

The sleeping man’s face is not very nice looking–even without the scars crossing across half of it, the sleeping man has slanted eyebrows and a sharp nose. He’s all angles and edges, like blades and icicles and sharp dry wit.

But the boy is scared and lonely and naturally a bit of a chatterbox, so he talks. And talks. And keeps on talking. The sleeping man is sleeping–in a coma, same thing–so he can’t tell the boy to shut up. But even if he could he wouldn’t, because it’s the first voice he’s heard in years.

~

A/N: Ahahahaha… well… uh, I admit that this was written with certain characters in mind… by which I mean technically this may be Teen Wolf fanfiction, more specifically pre-slash StilesxPeter (which I don’t even really ship?) But I’m not sure if such an AU exists and I was kind of interested in the idea. Basically, it was meant to be something like canon AU where Peter is like… Stiles’ sociopathic fairy godfather via Stiles regularly chattering at a comatose werewolf.

However, you could ignore all of that context and enjoy it in an entirely platonic, non-fanfiction way.