ask box event 5. things you didn’t say at all. for Stars Also Dream

Stars Also Dream, 5) things you didn’t say at all

Attachment is discouraged–no, worse than that–attachment is blasphemous.

And yet, what could the bond between master and padawan possibly be otherwise?

Still, you keep such questions to yourself. No need to cause complications for Master Bant, and you are reluctant to prove yourself anything less than the perfect student. (Pride, that’s blasphemous, too.)

The bond between you and Master Bant grow even as missions turn from tense assignments to fraught battles, the galaxy going to war. She teaches you negotiating and healing and fighting and how to tell when is the right time for each. She teaches you how to survive, she teaches you to be independent, she teaches you that sometimes the most important things are the ones left unsaid.

You never told Master Bant “thank you” because the relationship between master and padawan inherently revolves around teaching. It would be like thanking gravity for pulling you to the planet, or thanking the stars for burning bright in the void of space.

You also never told Master Bant “I love you.”

You didn’t have the words for it until long after Master Bant’s light had gone out.

The couple who find you–you and the wreckage of your emergency shuttle–stare at you with wide, kind, and concerned eyes, not a drop of fear in them.

How foolish. You could hurt them. So easily. Your lightsaber unlit but steady in your grip. You are mourning, ravaged with your grief, and you understand now how Jedi could fall to the Dark side. You are nothing more than your emotions, your loss, and these people mean nothing to you.

But they are kind and fearless–oblivious–they see only a crying child, and not the battle-hardened warrior you truly are.

But perhaps they aren’t entirely wrong, either. When the woman draws closer, labor rough hands gently wiping at your tears, you do not attack. You collapse into her embrace, body wracked with sobs, grip tightly, desperately, to the fabric of her clothes, aching to hold on.

A few days later, you erase this particular moment from their memories to keep them safe from your past–or to keep your past safe from them–but maybe, you think, in the future you will tell them the truth.

A few years later, another war of a smaller but no less horrific scale breaks out.

You are the last Kinokawa.

You have learned by now about keeping things to yourself. You know so well the poisonous coursing of regret in your heart. Words bitten back and left to fester because those who would hear them are no longer alive.

You want to tell your family. Or, rather, you don’t not want to tell them before it’s too late.

That deadline approaches, tensions rise, the familiar vanguard of war. Your family sent out to the front lines, in the thick of it, already scarred by the dangers you couldn’t shield them from. You have your youngest child to think of, but what kind of mother would you be if you didn’t do all you could to ensure the world Eerin grew up in were as safe and peaceful as could be?

Send me, send me, you do not ask, do not say.

You do not need to. You send yourself.

~

A/N: the last one isn’t really SAD canon compliant with the whole “post-Gelel Yoshino involves herself with the events of Episode IV” plot… probably it’s part of the post-Jashin!AU?

Also! In somewhat related news: I’ve maybe figured out how to get the DoS podfic onto apple podcasts/itunes? Still working on it–will keep everyone updated!

stars also dream + headcanon

Hell yeah I’ve got a couple of background headcanons I can send your way, anon. °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

~

They come down from the sky on a metal ship; just the two of them and their strange armored ninken.

They want to talk to the leader of the planet.

Father laughs, unsurprising. How do they not know that the world is at war–has always been at war? There are no leaders beyond clan heads and whatever shaky holds the daimyo have on the land.

Still, Father lets them stay for a time; the Senju are not called the clan with a thousand skills for nothing.

When an enemy squadron attacks, they defeat them all easily, just the two of them, with their swords made of lightning.

They leave afterwards, say they will send people in the future–to talk when the world has learned peace.

Tobirama learns that peace isn’t weakness–it’s about being strong enough to not need to fight.

///

When you are eight, you are brought in to speak to the lead teaching Jedi, as all members of your clan are. You are asked about your future plans, about what comes after being an initiate.

Every eight year old at the Temple wants to be a Jedi Knight; to be otherwise is considered a failure.

But you don’t think that’s true.

“An Archivist,” you say, because all of your clan mates have no doubt said they want to become padawans and you’re sure the lead teacher is bored of it. And plus, it’s always better to keep your options open; you’ve always been interested in Jedi traditions, and becoming a curator of them would be a contented existence. “There is still wisdom to be had from our history.”

The lead teacher nods, accepting. There is no change in expression on hir face, which you ought to have expected.

You are dismissed and so you go to the Room of a Thousand Fountains, letting the waters calm you.

You don’t become an Archivist.

///

In the Crystal Cave of Ilum’s Jedi Temple, you undergo The Gathering.

Like many padawan before you it is a test of patience, resourcefulness, and resilience.

It is painfully cold.

You don’t let that stop you.

You are searching for the kyber crystal that will be the heart of your lightsaber, there is no rushing it.

And except for the cold, you don’t think it’s such a terrible experience, the cave practically sings to you–the earth and stone more calming than even the waters of the Coruscant fountains.

When you emerge, kyber crystal in hand, Master Bant looks relieved and proud.

Your lightsaber is a comforting deep green.

~

Check out the Ask Box Author’s Cut event!

Fake Fic: Bridge Over Troubled Water – Stars Also Dream

Hm… this has to be an alternate!POV of Stars Also Dream or a prequel of it. Outside!POV of young Jedi!Yoshino, probably back and forth between Bant and Obi-Wan.

I think maybe Bant’s reluctance/pickiness about her padawan has always been a point of contention between her and Obi-Wan. Especially since he almost aged out of padawan-hood, but also because he stepped up and took on Anakin even though he had only just recently become a knight himself.

There are other canonical points of contention in their friendship beside that (Obi-Wan possibly being indirectly responsible for her first master’s death) but I wonder how much Bant knew about the future that was coming.

Did she know that Anakin would lead to the downfall of the Jedi? Did she know that Obi-Wan would be indirectly responsible for an even greater tragedy than just Master Tahl? Did she know that, one day, far in the future Obi-Wan and Yoshino would be two of the last few Jedi in existence? That Obi-Wan would get to see her padawan as an adult, as a knight, as someone who had grown beyond Bant’s own reach while Bant herself only gets Yoshino for a few scant years. How unfair that Obi-Wan and Anakin get over a decade and ruin it for everyone else.

Alternatively, maybe Obi-Wan has visions about Yoshino. And because he can’t comprehend the context–of a Yoshino crash landed on a hidden planet post Order 66 and rise of Darth Vader–all he sees is Bant’s little, sweet faced padawan as an adult covered in blood and without a lightsaber.

Are both Bant and Obi-Wan suspicious of the others’ padawan?

And while Yoshino was starstruck by The Hero With No Fear, I wonder if Anakin might have also gotten Force feelings from Yoshino during their one meeting. She’s not going to be his downfall, but he can’t destroy her.

Which he shrugs off because, first of all, why would he even try to destroy this tiny padawan (ahahaha… haha… goddamnit Anakin), second of all, how could said tiny padawan possibly withstand the full power/ability of Anakin?

Basically, a bunch of criss-crossing suspicions in the not-really-but-kinda Jedi family of Bant and Obi-Wan as siblings and Yoshino and Anakin as cousins.

Bridge Over Troubled Water

Bant stands on the edge of loss, looking down. Anakin takes, uncaring. Obi-Wan suspects the wrong people. And Yoshino doesn’t know yet that she can lose everything.

I don’t know how the timing of Ahsoka as Anakin’s padawan would match up in all this. Then again, she and Yoshino might have been initiates at the same time so… 

Stars Also Dream, a DoSxSW crossover series 2/? (2016-07-21)

This high up in the mountains, with the air so thin of oxygen and the cold stinging at your exposed skin, you think you might be happy.

You follow after your master faithfully, only a little jealous of the way she uses the Force to stay above the snow instead of falling into it with every step like you do.

Master Bant has promised she’ll teach you how to do it, and she’s never lied to you before.

(There’s a first time for everything, though you eventually learn the trick. But it’s from a shinobi, not a jedi, and an entirely different life later.)

For a handful of years she is your entire world even as you travel through the vast galaxy on missions from the Council. Even as war rages between the Grand Army and the Separatists. Even as she sends you off on your own more and more frequently–it’s because she trusts you to negotiate on her behalf, not because she thinks you can’t handle yourself in a fight.

She’s your entire world even as she sends you away one last time, jettisoned in a medical escape pod before you can protest, the clone troops suddenly turning on your master.

You scream and scream, futilely raging against the duraplex, when your bond with your master flickers out. Silently, softly.

Your entire world gone.

(You later realize that you loved Master Bant. She was the closest thing you had to a mother, even after the Kinokawas adopt you.)

You’re never as happy like you were then–a child, despite your abilities and the war–but that doesn’t mean you never feel happiness again. It takes a long time, years and years, before you get that again–like a person can be your whole world no matter where you are or what you do. And you’re lucky enough this time that it’s two.

You are exhausted, short of breath and in pain, but as the medics put your twins in your arms, you think you’re just as light headed and joyful as when you were a young padawan following in your master’s nonexistent footprints.

~

A/N: Tiny thing because I’m still trying to figure out stuff for this series. Such as:

I was debating who to make Yoshino’s jedi master and was stuck between Bant Eerin or Bultar Swan because… reasons… but decided on Bant because it’s been confirmed that she does get an unknown/unnamed padawan while Bultar doesn’t. Also Bultar is killed by a fellow jedi (which… wtf) and that would kinda not work so well with my plans.

Also… I’m being suuuuper vague on ages and times because trust me, I tried to do the math, and it doesn’t really work out unless Yoshino somehow doesn’t age for a few years (which, I mean, medical escape pod, who knows… stasis?) or I go into the whole time dilation/space travel/not aging thing which could also work? Mreh…