- Because when someone doesn’t want to date me because I’m poly it’s ‘understandable’ but when I don’t want to date someone because they are monogamous it’s ‘ridiculous.’
- Because all relationship advice tells you that if you have feelings for someone else while you’re in a relationship you’re a bad person.
- Because even feminists try to slut shame me.
- Because when I tell people me and my partner have an open relationship they assume it’s because we’re going through a rough patch.
- Because people equate ‘multiple partners’ with ‘predator’ and think everything I say is an attempt to get in their pants.
- Because I am fed up of love triangles as easy plot devices in my media.
- Because the LGBTQA+ movement are so desperate to show ‘allies’ they are ‘just like everyone else’ that they shit on everyone with a non-monogamous dynamic.
- Because when a monogamous couple have sex with each other every night it’s having an active sex drive. When I have sex with a different partner every night I’m a nymphomaniac.
- Because people think that monogamy = validity, always.
- Because monogamous hetronormativity is so ingrained that I don’t even feel like I can dance with someone without telling them the complete logistics of my love life.
- Because people genuinely believe that raising a child communally is damaging to development.
- Because when I say ‘I could never be monogamous’ I get dirty looks.
- Because too many people have tried to confide in me when they’re cheating because ‘I thought you, of all people, would understand.’
- Because I can’t talk about my relationship troubles with my monogamous friends because ‘I always have something to fall back on.’ As if my relationships are meaningless.
(please reblog and add more if you like)
Let’s keep adding guys!
Because I frequently have people telling me to “save some for the rest of us” when I say someone is attractive.
Because I’m sick of people acting like polyamory and polygamy are the same exact thing. Hint: it’s fucking not.
Because I want to be able to openly talk about my multiple partners without people immediately assuming I’m monogamous and cheating on my partner.
Because I’m fucking sick of people assuming my relationship is falling apart because I have sex with one partner more than another.
Because I can’t fucking stand people thinking I don’t love my partners equally and assuming I have to love one more than the other(s).
Because my single friends complain when I mention I have a crush on someone new.
Because I’m comfortable with talking to all of my partners about each other and don’t feel like I’m cheating, because I’m not.
I’m seriously sick of the stigma behind being poly. There is a difference between cheating and being polyamorous. I talk to my partner(s) before I get involved in any way with another person or other people. If even one of them isn’t comfortable with it I back the fuck up and I let my partners know of the situation and remind them that I love them and care about them and respect their opinions. I don’t feel the need to force all of my partners into a “committed” relationship with me if they aren’t comfortable with it, especially if they don’t like long distance relationships.
Get rid of the negative stigma behind being polyamorous and make it fucking positive.
!!!!
Because folks assume I need lots of partners because I can’t stand to be alone. (Hint: successful poly folk tend to have much stronger senses of self than paired monogamous folk.)
Because folks assume I’m a terrible parent setting a terrible example because of my “rotating door of partners” (*cough* slut-shaming *cough*).
Because folks assume I have a sexual addiction. (I’m on the ace spectrum, idiots.)
Because “it takes a village!” but apparently we’re not allowed to cultivate our own goddamn villages without being persecuted for it.
Because being poly and being queer often intersects, and no one knows how to have that conversation with their families because there are no positive examples of it in media.
Because even poly folk, lacking in precedent and role models, struggle with the difference between “non-monogamous” and “polyamorous”. (Hint: They’re not actually the same thing.)
I want genuine polyamory representation so much.
I want to be able to talk about my relationships casually among friends and people I work with without worrying if they’re going to think I’m a pervert or a bad person. And I don’t mean I want to talk about sex–I want to be able to say “Oh yeah, I’m going to visit my partner and also their other partner who is my friend and I’m really excited about it!” when we’re discussing holiday plans.
I don’t want to feel like I’m always hiding and negotiating my identity. I don’t want to do that as a queer person and I don’t want to do it as a polyamorous person either. I don’t want to have to wonder if my loved ones really “get” my relationships or if they just assume it’s not really serious.
I don’t want to have to feel like I need to run a polyamory education course every time I talk about my relationship status with someone new. I want to feel safe that in the future my relationships are not going to be undermined or encumbered by laws and bureaucratic procedures that will not be able to cope with the reality that is polyamorous relationships (looking at you, immigration laws). I want to know that other people get that poly relationships are real, valid, non-threatening, and not much of their business if they’re not in one.
And I want that representation to acknowledge how racism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, and classism all play into how different people experience polyamory and the erasure and misrepresentation that goes along with it and that being polyamorous isn’t the *source* of oppression, it’s another place where the consequences of oppression manifest.
I want good representation of the diverse types of people who might choose polyamory, because asexual poly people exist, and I’m tried of immediately being told “Wow, you people must have a lot of sex” as soon as I tell a monogamous person I’m polyamorous. I’m tired of people reducing my partners to their potential sexual value to me. I want good representation of the diverse types of people who might choose polyamory because when I talk about being in an open relationship, most people think of “swingers” and “wife swapping” and have a very heterosexual mental image that doesn’t include queer, trans people like me.
I want more diverse representation of reasons for choosing polyamory, because being polyamorous doesn’t mean I’m incapable of monogamy or commitment, or even that I’d be unhappy in the right monogamous relationship, yet that’s what most people think I’m admitting when I say I’m poly. Some poly people would simply be miserable if they tried to be monogamous, and that’s okay. But for some of us, polyamory is a choice rather than a necessity, and I’d like to see that experience acknowledged.
I want good representation of different types and experiences of polyamory because I want more people discussing our language and coming up with alternatives. “Primary” and “nonprimary” are inadequate and place value judgments upon different relationship structures, but I don’t have better options. So often there aren’t even proper words for the different ways I feel about different partners, or the different styles of relationships I’ve had.
I want good representation of healthy polyamory because acceptance of occasional jealousy/insecurity, open communication, and being a person of integrity who keeps promises and acts in good faith is a necessary part of sustainable polyamory, but most people just think of it as “being slutty” or “fear of commitment.”
I want good representation of healthy polyamory because I’ve had “poly” people tell me “if I were monogamous I’d just cheat anyway so everybody’s better off this way” and think that I as a fellow poly person would automatically sympathize with this statement of moral failure. I want good representation of healthy polyamory because some poly people DO cheat with people in committed monogamous relationships, and monogamous people take this as representative of the lifestyle rather than an aberration. I want good representation of healthy polyamory because I’ve seen “poly” people break promises to partners, wreck relationships, and cause lasting emotional wounding to those around them, but then dismiss it as “There’s always more fish in the sea.”
I want good representation of healthy polyamory because most people who are nonmonogamous/poly have no idea how to conduct themselves respectfully, and thus normalize controlling, coercive, or abusive behavior solely because it happens in the context of nonmonogamy. I want good representation of healthy polyamory because then people being victimized by abusive partners in polyamorous/nonmonogamous settings would have a frame of reference for what’s unacceptable behavior, and would be more able to protect themselves.
This is a polyamory friendly blog. Also, this post is very helpful in general.
While I have been witness to all types and manners of romantic relationships, I myself have never been in one. But I’ve always known–even before I knew the terms–that what I want isn’t represented in heteronormative monogamous media. I especially hate how prevalent love triangles or adultery is in media–as if the show writers couldn’t even conceive of a different way to interpret multiple people with romantic feelings towards each other.
JackSGreyson Says 