Shikako’s Guide to Delinquency and Military Insurrection: Really, Danzo had this coming.

Shikako Nara’s Guide To Delinquency and Military Insurrection

(Rule Four: No place is invulnerable. Keep your guard up, even at home.)

The sky has turned dark, the view from the tower’s top now of your village in its nighttime wear. The lights of businesses and houses twinkling bright, people overly loud as they go from restaurants to bars, interrupting the tranquility.

Disorderly.

Despicable.

This lack of discipline is what Hiruzen has allowed to fester Konoha. Weakness. No longer. You will have to make changes. Curfews and and harsher penalties.

You turn away from the window, the sight of your village still so tainted sickens you, enrages you, and so you must look away. But as you turn, you think you see a face in the glass. Behind you?

No, you dart a glance through your office, only your ROOT guards–all under chameleon jutsu and masked besides. When you turn back the face is gone.

Only a reflection, surely.

You put the thought from your mind, put the hat back on–though the veils often limit your peripheral vision and there is no one significant to see. You have much to do in order to make your village great again.

Nothing can stop you now.

The second time, night again, you are waiting for one of your teams to come back and report.

They are only ANBU, not ROOT, and while you were not expecting much, you are disgusted by how long it is taking them.

It should not be this difficult to apprehend one child, jinchuuriki status or not.

Another matter you must correct, Hiruzen’s indulgence of the creature. It should have been handled and trained properly from the start–even the strongest of weapons can rust from poor handling–but instead that foolish monkey had it pretending at a normal life. As if a jinchuuriki could ever be normal.

One of the proximity sensors sounds off, the ANBU team returning, finally, but when they appear…

“Where is the boy?” you ask, the sheer incompetence of these agents causing you to bite the words out, irritated. The four ANBU stand in front of you in various states of bruised and battered, filthy, not even bearing a single blonde hair from the creature.

They shuffle silently, nervously, uselessly in front of you before the captain utters, “He disappeared. We lost him in the sewers.”

“It was as if the shadows just swallowed him whole!” one of the others says inanely, before hunching down from the sharp glance of their captain.

If this is the quality of ANBU that Hiruzen’s administration produced, then it is no wonder that all their nukenin have been walking the Elemental Nations unharmed.

Displeased, you activate the seals on their arms, watch as they try not to scream, grip futilely at themselves before dropping to the floor of your office. A modification of the old design, incorporating what you could reverse engineer of the Hyuuga’s Caged Bird.

You summon another team–ROOT this time, though lately they’re running thin on the ground which is why you had to resort to standard ANBU to begin with–have them remove the bodies and assign them the incomplete mission.

For ROOT agents there is only success or death.

The jinchuuriki is never found.

You are running out of ROOT agents.

The village, frail from decades of mismanagement, crumbles under your steady hand.

This is not how your tenure as Hokage is meant to go.

You are returning to your office after dealing with Yuuhi’s idiocy–the man is too used to dealing with genin, clearly unable to handle the role of jounin commander as he always claimed he could–when you stop just inside the doorway.

Someone is in your seat.

Someone is in your seat, feet propped up on your desk, looking for all the world like she belongs there and not like she is committing the highest form of disrespect and treason.

“Guards!” you yell, and the fact that you must call for them just compounds the sheer frustration of this situation. Four masked and hooded ANBU appear.

They do nothing else.

“Seize her!” you add, enraged that you must instruct them on this most obvious order.

They turn towards you, instead.

It is at this point you realize you do not sense either ROOT or the updated ANBU seals on them. It is at this point you realize your shadow is stretching far longer than it should. It is at this point you realize you cannot move.

You realize all this too late.

The door slams shut behind you, a second shadow tendril snaking past you and returning to the girl.

The girl who casually removes her feet from your desk, gets up from your seat, and saunters around so she is standing in the center of your office, in the center of the four masked shinobi who are not yours.

The masks come off.

Still you cannot move.

“Honestly,” says the girl, “what were you expecting?”

~

A/N: … ugh, writing from Danzo’s POV is the worst. But also, like, I could not think of any other way to fill this prompt, lionhead. It’s a little bit spin-off-y of Ascendant, though not necessary. Just the sheer delusion of a man who has gotten what he wants and still can’t understand why things aren’t going the way he planned. :/

Anyway, hope you enjoyed!

Ask Box Advent Calendar is now open!

(seriously, i’ve got nothing in my ask box. I might start cross posting brainstorms onto ao3–for safety reasons–so if there’s any old brainstorm (like from all of the ask box fake fic titles event) that you want to, er, re-prompt in some way, they’re open season too)

Advertisements

I re-read the Primadonna Girl (Says No Thank You) tag ’cause of the recent prompt fill, and I have got to see more of the Shikako and Ibiki partners in crime scenario, so, uh *rolls dice* 24?

Shikako and Ibiki partners in crime, 24) things you said with clenched fists

Shikako Nara’s Guide To Delinquency and Military Insurrection

(Rule Three: Look underneath the underneath)

Ibiki refuses to look back. Eyes forward with the occasional check of peripheral vision because tunnel vision is stupid and deadly, but otherwise he only looks ahead.

He knows she is following–a strange, suspicious shadow–but he refuses to acknowledge her.

All that matters is the mission.

All that matters is getting back to Konoha.

“I could heal you,” the shadow offers, maintaining a constant distance between the two of them. Closer, he gets testy. Further, he gets wary. This exact distance is irritating, but bearable.

Ibiki does not respond.

“I promise I won’t do anything bad,” the shadow continues then, after a considering pause, “Though I guess that’s what I’d say if I were going to do something bad, so how could you tell?”

“I could tell,” Ibiki answers, automatically defending his abilities, before grumbling at himself. New chuunin rank obviously doesn’t mean new maturity level. He’ll have to work on that, later. In the village. If he gets a later.

The shadow smiles, pleased at finally getting a response. She skips a bit, drawing nearer, but at Ibiki’s increased grumbling, she slows down again, hands raised in acquiescence.

“Didn’t I prove myself in that last skirmish?” the shadow asks, more to the air than to him. He wouldn’t trip up again so soon, and so she’s certainly not expecting him to respond.

In more than one way, she’s right: the team of Cloud nin would have easily killed him had he been alone. Should have easily killed the two of them, really, outnumbered as they were. In terms of battle prowess, she’s definitely proved herself.

The fact that he’s still standing and not bleeding out slowly in the middle of contended territory also proves that she’s real and not just a pain induced hallucination like he had assumed for the first few hours of their interaction.

Of course, that doesn’t disprove the possibility that this is a genjutsu. And a particularly sadistic one at that, given the face that the shadow is wearing.

Eyes forward. Complete the mission, get back to Konoha. Nothing else matters now.

But retreating is one matter, avoiding the truth is another.

Internally, he sighs. Out loud, he says, “Cloud has made many enemies.”

She blinks, surprised that he’s answered even if belatedly, before tentatively offering, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend?”

“You sound uncertain,” Ibiki responds, “And that’s reductive. Wars can and frequently do have multiple sides.”

Rather than immediately argue, the shadow hums. “Well, you’re not wrong,” she concedes, before letting them return to a casual silence. 

That’s not how Yoshino would have responded.

Forward. Mission. Konoha.

The shadow is young, though. Younger than Ibiki despite her skill. She takes his words as a learning opportunity, never mind that she must be more experienced than he is.

If she really wanted to sabotage his mission, she would have already done so, and easily. If this were a genjutsu, then he’s already failed. Either way, stubbornly letting his head wounds remain untreated is just stupid.

Ibiki sighs, stops, and eyes the shadow.

She slows to a stop at a respectful distance away.

“What do you know about this?” He asks, lifting the box. Seals cover the outside, an active array, so he hadn’t been able to put it in a storage scroll, but it’s small enough as not to be unwieldy.

“Enough,” she says with a shrug, noncommittal, and he’d almost admire it if it weren’t currently counter to his goals. “If you let me heal you, I’ll tell you more.” She punctuates this with an overly bright smile and a playful flourish of her hands.

“That’s poor negotiation,” he says, because if he’s apparently committing treason by colluding with the shadow then he might as well do so thoroughly and continue their teaching moments. “But I’ll take it.”

Her smile softens, turns more genuine, as if understanding the decision he’s made. She heals him and even gives him supplies to clean up the blood, before lackadaisically swiping a finger across the top of the box.

Ibiki tenses. The sealing array glows briefly before going inert. It unlocks.

“Look inside,” the shadow says, and for the first time she sounds like the battle hardened shinobi she really is, “If you think Danzo should get that, then you’re not Morino Ibiki.”

Ibiki never gave her his name. Somehow, he’s unsurprised.

~

A/N: Finally filled all the things you said prompts! The longest ask box event that just slow bled across literal MONTHS. Sorry for taking forever lionheadbookends!

I’m reluctant to start a new ask box event–or, at least, since it’s mid-November and December is coming up, I’ll probably just do another Ask Box Advent Calendar again in two weeks anyway so a different ask box event now is kinda excessive so… I guess what I’m saying is save ask box prompts for December and I will try to figure out what else to do instead over the next two weeks?

shikako’s guide to deliquency & milatary insurrection, shikako+mikoto, 28) things you said but not out loud

Shikako Nara’s Guide To Delinquency and Military Insurrection, 28) things you said but not out loud

The girl is from the future. The future of a different dimension, she is quick to clarify, before going into a somewhat rambling and convoluted explanation of paradoxes and time travel.

Kushina, for all that she graduated from the Academy dead last, seems to pick it up immediately nodding along and asking questions about fuinjutsu techniques and something called causal stability conditions and relativistic spacetime. Hizashi doesn’t understand anymore than Mikoto, thankfully, but he appears to be content to just accept it as fact.

“She isn’t ROOT,” he dismisses with an affable shrug–a statement they had already confirmed by seeing the pile of corpses the girl had left behind, “And she looks… familiar enough that I’m certain she is also telling the truth.”

Mikoto frowns, “Just because she’s telling the truth doesn’t mean we can automatically trust her. ROOT soldiers is one thing, killing Danzo is another.”

Hizashi raises an eyebrow at her, “We don’t exactly have the luxury to turn away allies, even if she might not be as skilled as she claims.”

Mikoto bites back a surly response, surely no one could be as skilled as the girl claims, settling instead for a suspicious stare. Precaution as much as indulging her paranoia–the stare from an Uchiha is equivalent to an unsheathed blade from anyone else.

But she ends up not needing it, at least for the following days they travel with the girl, headed toward Land of Rain. The girl–Shikabane, she introduces herself with a resigned sigh–tells them what she knows of the organization called Akatsuki the current ruling force of the Land of Rain and how they, too, had a grudge against Danzo. How they, at least in the dimension she came from, welcomed missing nin–especially those formerly from Konoha. How they were led by an Uzumaki.

But she cautions them about their awful deeds. Their worrying ambition. “They went after the jinchuuriki,” she says, mindfully not looking at any of them. Still, Mikoto and her teammates exchange glances, “But they can’t go out of order, so you should be safe for a while… and hopefully the common goal of killing Danzo will be enough to divert their attentions.

“And plus,” Shikabane continues, as if she weren’t giving back and forth warning and reassurances, “Danzo did more to cause war and suffering than any other single person in history so that, at least, is in line with their original dream.”

“Have you worked with them before?” Hizashi asks.

Shikabane hesitates, “Not… this particular iteration, no.”

Mikoto asks, “Have you fought against them?”

“Yes,” Shikabane answers without pause. “My teammate was the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi,” she says, again, very deliberately not looking in Kushina’s direction. Just as well, a conflicted expression blooming on her face.

In contrast to Mikoto or Hizashi–jaded by the clan systems as they were–Kushina had always wanted family. But the only reason for the Kyuubi to be transferred between vessels would be if the previous jinchuuriki were unable to contain it…

Still, Kushina was never one for shying away from something and so rather than continuing the somewhat worrying description of their new possible allies, Shikabane dutifully answers questions about Kushina’s successor–her son, Naruto–with as sparse details as she can get away with.

But not sparse enough.

“Who is Sasuke?” Mikoto interrupts as Shikabane is in the middle of an anecdote about her genin team.

Shikabane blinks, “He’s… your son.”

Mikoto can’t help the grimace that invokes, the idea that she had capitulated to the clan elders’ demands in some other life. Another thought crosses her mind and, with trepidation, she asks, “He’s not–was he the Uchiha clan heir?”

Bemused, Shikabane shakes her head slowly, “… No. Sasuke was never clan heir.”

Good, Mikoto thinks, at least that other version of her hadn’t fallen so far. Much easier to think she might have found someone she actually wanted to be with rather than end up brood mare for Fugaku Uchiha.

~

A/N: WELL. This certainly jumped around in places. I don’t think I had a real concrete idea about what exactly I wanted the things Shikako doesn’t say out loud to be, so I kind of just sprinkled a lot of different options in there.

I absolutely adore that Everytime shikako stumbles upon the first ppl she meets in every universe shes immediately like uhhhh guess the mood for tonight is wreck danzos day huh. ALSO really liking the sakumo team + mikotos. Very invested in them already

Thanks! 😀

I’m pretty sure it’s very much in the spirit of the original Gardens!verse, so if anything I’m just staying on brand. Many issues can be solved with just ruining Danzo’s plans so…

I’m also pretty fond of the teams I made–I definitely hope I’ll use them again, maybe not specifically in the Guide series, but ~somewhere and when~. Each installment of the Guide series is fairly discrete and more about Shikako showing up during at the various character’s most desperate point than a continuing thing…

But I might end up doing something like “Further Down Road X” in the Down Every Road series. We’ll see about that…  ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Character Statistics: (In)Difference, Team Nobori

Genin

image
image


Chuunin

image
image


Jounin

image
image


Mikoto

image

Kushina

image

Hizashi

image

~

A/N: aka Team Pretty Longhaired Parents. Nobori = banner/flag or, alternatively, rising/ascending (completely different kanji, of course) which just feels right.

aka Team Kiyoshi for (in)Difference purposes, because the idea of Kiyoshi having to deal with these three as bratty preteens is hilarious to me.

For Konoha Team Designation purposes, I think they’re either a Team Two or a Team Nine (not for pun reasons, unfortunately). Neither Mikoto or Hizashi are “heavy-hitter” level, and while Kushina DEFINITELY is, I don’t think the village (at this point in time) wants to throw their only jinchuuriki/Uzumaki into the middle of battle. And besides I’m pretty sure Team Jiraiya (that is, the genin team that Minato was on) would have been the Team Seven of their generation?

I’ll admit I cheated a little bit by using each of their respective sons’ stats as a base and then tweaking as needed.

Also, not that this is really all that important, but I imagine these points in time being right at the beginning of their genin/chuunin/jounin careers. So, more accurately, the “Genin” stats are when they graduate from the Academy. “Chuunin” stats are when they first get promoted to chuunin, same with jounin. So the 29/29.5 of their “Jounin” stats are not their peak abilities.

Shikako Nara’s Guide To Delinquency and Military Insurrection, 2/? (2018-02-03)

(Rule Two: those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash)

Mikoto is checking the perimeter.

Checking the perimeter–ha! what an unnecessary thing to do with a Hyuuga on her team. The last time she actually checked the perimeter was probably during practice missions in the Academy, before she got assigned on a team with one of strongest Byakugan users and a chakra sensor whose range is only rivaled by her insane capacity.

Even with the near endless amount of ROOT teams after them, blank porcelain masks to match their blank emotionless faces, there’s no real reason for Mikoto to check the perimeter.

As if it weren’t just an excuse to get some space from her teammates, just a moment of manufactured solitude to breath and enjoy the cool, quiet night air and internally freak the fuck out over her life choices.

Defect from Konoha?! What the fuck was she thinking? She spent YEARS proving her worth to her assbackwards, misogynistic clan elders–clawing her way up to a jounin ranking despite their opinions about retiring at chuunin to bear children and contribute to the clan–and… well, actually, put like that it’s maybe more of a surprise that she didn’t defect earlier.

But she was willing to put up with all that bullshit because she did, despite the elders, love her clan and her village. She loved being a shinobi of Konoha.

But she loves her friends more.

Even when it’s been nearly a month on the run from Creepy Councilor Shimura’s hunter-nins trying to drag them back for, no doubt, imprisonment and torture and experimentation and, eventually, execution.

For her and Hizashi, at least. Konoha’s not going to execute their only Uzumaki and jinchuuriki.

But just because Konoha would never kill Kushina, doesn’t mean they would never hurt her. Or haven’t ever done so before.

And Hizashi may be one of the strongest Byakugan users in the village, one of the Hyuuga clan head’s sons even, but he’s not the right son. Not the one who lucked into the Main Family, free from a slavery seal that could and would be used against him. By his own clan.

By his own twin brother.

And of course, Kushina couldn’t leave that alone. And no one has ever built a seal that a trained Uzumaki didn’t consider absolute child’s play.

But every action has its consequences–it seems like these past few months have been nothing but dealing with consequences–and now they’re on the run from creepy Councilor Shimura’s minions in the middle of nowhere chasing some rumors about some other Uzumaki in the hopes that…

In the hopes of what?

This other Uzumaki will see Kushina and fall over themselves to welcome a long lost relative? Haven’t they just escaped from a village full of awful relatives?

And even if this other Uzumaki were the welcoming sort, whose to say they’d even be powerful enough to protect them from the full wrath of Konoha?

Mikoto loves her village, she does, even now, but Konoha–for all their reputation as the friendly one–is not one for mercy.

A part of her foolishly, futilely, wishes for their jounin sensei. Wishes that Kiyoshi-sensei were still alive to make everything better–to sweep in and make the problem go away with a few select whispers in certain ears and a convoluted exchange of favors amongst the village’s different departments.

But they are far from Konoha, further still from being those silly little genin trailing admiringly in their sensei’s wake, and anyway how selfish is she? She should be wishing that Kiyoshi-sensei were still alive for little Kakashi’s sake, not to cover up for their own grown-ass mistakes.

Although, if Mikoto is being honest, she’d probably do the same exact thing because  she does, actually, love her friends.

It’s a presence more than a sound that catches her attention, and her hypervigilance has her activating her Sharingan immediately.

The girl who steps into her line of sight is not a ROOT agent–or if she is, she’s a level higher than the rest–because her facial features shift into an actual human expression. Bizarrely, that expression is an almost sheepish resignation.

Mikoto spots Hizashi lurking in the trees behind their visitor ready to pounce while Kushina comes barreling in with all the subtlety and grace of a wounded water buffalo.

The girl just sighs as if she weren’t surrounded by three Konoha jounin.

Sorry, three former Konoha jounin.

“Okay…” the girl says, not bothered whatsoever, “I was supposed to be on my way to Wind Country right now, but the three of you seem to be in some kind of trouble…”

Mikoto catches the brief flicker of annoyance on Hizashi’s face before he shrugs and drops down to the ground, no use in hiding if she already knows he’s there.

“… and given that I just killed a team of ROOT flunkies who were headed in this direction, and all of your headbands have those super fashionable lines across the leaf, I’m pretty sure I know what the problem is, and I thought I should at the very least offer my services,” the girl rambles on, ignoring the surprised and confused glances Mikoto exchanges with her teammates.

“What are you even talking about?” Kushina asks, patience finally giving way to frustration.

Now it’s the girl’s turn to look surprised and confused. She looks at them like they should already know:

“The assassination of Danzo Shimura, of course.”

~

A/N: Shikako just barging and dropping cool one liners and breaking the minds of everyone around her. So hip.

Anyway, just a little personal headcanon for Team… uh… I dunno, Pretty Long-haired Parents. Specifically, Mikoto Uchiha, Hizashi Hyuuga, and Kushina Uzumaki. The timing probably doesn’t work–and Kushina was probably not on a team or Hizashi was on a different team or whatever whatever–but according to SQ “the timeline is made up and facts don’t matter” so I can do whatever I want.

I mean, not as much as Shikako can do whatever she wants, but still.

Speaking of, not that it much matters (I probably could have deleted that paragraph, tbh, but I just wanted it so much) but their jounin sensei is my (In)Difference OC Kiyoshi Utsugi who is also Kakashi’s mom–hence why I tagged it here even if it’s not canon for that either.

I dunno! I just wanted cool team combos!

I’ll probably do a Character Stats post for this bunch also.

Character Statistics: (In)Difference, Team White Fang

Genin

image
image


Chuunin

image
image


Jounin


Sakumo Hatake

Hozue Kedouin

image

Atsumi Kurama

image

~

A/N: So I wrote this thing about that mission that Sakumo went on that was doomed to fail and thus start a war and I had to make teammates for him, and I already headcanon-ed that his teammates on that doomed mission were also his genin teammates (which is why he was especially reluctant to let them die for the mission). And then I got very fond of the OCs I made for Sakumo’s teammates and what kind of people they must have been (and why they distanced themselves from him after he saved their lives). And while I haven’t written for (In)Difference recently, I figured it would be a good idea to make the teammates more concrete, hence these stats.

So, introducing Hozue Kedouin of an anime-only clan of face copiers/shape shifters and Atsumi Kurama of another anime-only clan of genjutsu specialists.

I thought it would be interesting if, part of the reason why Sakumo was so famous individually–along with him just being a VERY good shinobi, that is–was if both of his teammates just specialized in essentially being invisible. His role on the team is as the obvious tank-y heavy-hitter while his teammates are more behind the scenes and sneaky. Unsure if this makes them a Team Two or a Team Five, according to my list of Konoha Team Designations, but I quite liked the set up and I think I’m going to keep it as such until otherwise disproven by canon (and even then, I may just ignore canon).

I mean, he IS a consistently “better” shinobi than both of his teammates and (if you’ll compare to the character stat posts for the Sannin and Team TenChiKoku) others in his generation as per canon (he individually had a reputation as strong as the Sannin during the Second War) but mostly because he’s very well rounded. He doesn’t fall into the trap of “specializing” in any given direction and also he’s just very good physically.