đ Thank you? I get that a lotâpart of the reason why I even thought I could do the DoS podfic given the main character is a literal thirteen year old girl (or younger!) for most of the story.
If you wanted the full playlist (HOURS OF THE SOFT) all chapters up to date are available here.
Remember to Sleep, 47) things you said in a hotel room
Jiraiyaâs at the hotel barâand, yeah, maybe itâs a little early in the day for a drink or three, but whoâs checking?âwhen he sees it: the briefest glimpse of all too familiar blonde hair.
He shakes his head, mutters to himself, âDonât get your hopes up,â and goes back to his drink. Itâs impossible, what heâs thinking, and besides, thereâs a pair of beautiful young ladies who look like they might appreciate some excellent company.
He signals for the bartender to send over some complimentary drinks (mimosas, apparently, not like the princess who would appreciate harder liquor) and gets ready to put on some moves.
Fifteen minutes and a double dousing of socially acceptable daytime drinks in his face later, he spots it again: bright and messy, even through the champagne and orange juice in his eyes. This is a sign, no doubt, destiny telling him to followâwhy else would those lovely ladies reject his advances?
The bartender, unimpressed but dutiful, passes Jiraiya a towel to wipe his face. Taking the opportunity, he asks, âWhatâs going on in the ballroom?â
The bartender shrugs, âSome kind of science convention. Not too sure. Iâm hoping itâs medicalâdoctors really know how to drink.â
Jiraiya rolls his eyes, âYouâre telling me.â But thatâs a sob story for a different bartender, maybe, and heâs got an entirely different blonde to chase down.
According to the signs, it is indeed âsome kind of science conventionâ. More specifically, one for cybernetic augmentations and enhancements. It is, unfortunately, hauntingly familiar stomping grounds for him.
Most of the names listed for panels are old or uninterestingâone of the main reasons heâs stopped coming to these things, even if they do offer all expenses paid. How this is supposed to be about innovations when itâs the same people rehashing the same tech is beyond himâexcept one of the smaller rooms, practically in fine print at the bottom of the itinerary, has a name heâs never seen before.
Not new to him entirely (Nara is common enough, almost a household name given the reach of their pharmaceuticals and the fact that practically everyone is medicated these days) but definitely new to this particular arena. Cautious branching out, maybe? That would explain why they have a small room instead of space in the main ballroom.
Except when Jiraiya gets to the room listed, itâs packed. Overflowing, practically. If he werenât who he was, and the staff at the door hadnât recognized him, he might not have gotten inâas is, itâs a tight squeeze. Which he wouldnât mind if it were a crowd of buxom beauties, but, alas, he is surrounded by sweaty nerds. But why is such a popular panel in such a tiny room?
Or, maybe, he should be wondering: why is this Nara panel so popular?
Except once he gets to the frontââitâs such an honor that youâre here, sir, and also a surprise. We werenât told youâd be here, but of course youâre more than welcome. Such an honor, please, thereâs VIP seating,ââeven that question flees from his mind.
Because sitting just next to that (surprisingly young and pretty, nothing like that stony-faced punk Shikaku) newcomer Nara is MinatoâŚ
⌠but not.
Thatâs definitely Minatoâs god-awful hair, and damned too blue eyes, but itâs in a face more like Kushinaâs. Thatâs definitely her smile on that bratâs face, aimed with laser accuracy at the Nara girl beside him.
âWhat the hell is going on?â
Um⌠Iâm going to respectfully decline this one anon. Mostly because this seems like you have a very specific ficlet in mind, and if so I think it would be better for you to bring it into the world yourself. But also because Iâm still trying to belatedly fill all of my ask box things you said prompts left in my ask box. And also, also, this doesnât quite match up with my own personal headcanons for what a Shikako and Naruto family would be like.
[Also times three: Boruto canonically exists as a Naruto and Hinata child so⌠unless youâre saying that any first child of Naruto would be named Boruto regardless of who the mother may be, I think that might be a little confusing. Itâs why I named Sakako separately from Sarada (and also so Sarada could still exist)]
But in all fairness, I could go a little bit into said headcanon for what a Shikako and Naruto family would be like since my wave of next gen fic didnât really touch on it. I mean, thereâs Kareru of course, who I still think would be the Konoha Twelveâs first kid (mostly because the idea of Team Seven accidentally acquiring a baby seems too improbable not to be true) but that wasnât really specifically Shikako/Naruto.
I think, like Shikako/Gaara, Shikako/Naruto would primarily adopt unlike Shikako/Sasuke in which Sasuke specifically wants to revive the Uchiha clan and thus have biological kids (but thatâs what the Walking Around âverse is for).Â
But my personal headcanon for Shikako/Naruto future fic predicates on the fact that Naruto realizes that becoming Hokage isnât something that he wants anymore. Like. He wanted to become Hokage so that the village would love him. But the village already loves him, so he doesnât need to be Hokage anymore. Then that way, Shikako and Naruto travel around the world being the badass power couple that Tsunade and Jiraiya could have been had their collective and individual tragedies/issues not driven them apart.
And then Shikako and Naruto just stumble on a lot of orphan kids with crazy powers/abilities that ostracized them from their small towns and accidentally become a traveling ninja version of Xavierâs Home For The Gifted. So I guess in a way they do what Orochimaru should have done instead of being a creepy and evil scientist. Rectifying the injustices Orochimaru and Danzo have done to orphan kids around the worldâŚ
Maybe at some point they do have biological children who absolutely love their bizarre family, but thatâs not really the point. (Although now that Iâm thinking of it, I kind of wonder what their names would be. I donât think I would have them be named Boruto to prevent confusing canonically Naruto/Hinataâs son, but thereâs nothing quite as simple and obvious as Sakako was for a Shikako/Sasuke daughter.)
The problem is, Iâm not sure whether or not Boruto (and by extension, Himawari) would exist in this world. Like⌠Sarada still exists in the Walking Around âverse, because sheâs still the genetic child of Sakura and Sasuke even if itâs through a repopulation program and not a traditional marriage+procreation. But for Boruto (and by extension, Himawari) to exist, Naruto and Hinata would have to get together at least once. Which, I mean, Naruto could very well be poly (and Shikako isnât possessive of those she loves given my entire next gen stuff could arguably be in the same âverse) but I donât know how Hinata (and by extension, the Hyuuga clan) would look upon that.
Hm⌠sorry anon. I just really like the idea of Shikako and Naruto traveling around and every so often they go back to Konoha with like⌠fifteen kids in tow all of whom have amazing and bizarre abilities.
That would be absolutely hilarious and simultaneously poignant.
I absolutely love Shikako and Kankurouâs friendship because itâs very low stakes but not shallow. They are actually fond of each other for no deeper reason than they just like each otherâs personalitiesâShikako doesnât have to worry about if sheâs influencing him too much (or not enough) and as far as Kankurou knows sheâs weird because thatâs just how she is and not sheâs different from how she was as a child, why are you changing, what secrets are you keeping.
But I went into that here, no use rehashing it.
The idea of actress!Shikako and Kazekage!Kankurou traveling back in time from their bleak future to their less bleak but more dangerous past would sort of test that seemingly shallow friendship. They went through hell together and sort of drifted apart less by choice and more by circumstance. Would they have been united in their grief? Does that no longer apply since the situation that brought said grief about has been unwritten (and could easily be prevented entirely)? Will they actively ignore that bleak future or will it be something they share and acknowledge so as not to make the same mistakes?
I dunno, wildtabbykat, itâs a pretty cool AU of an AU of an AU.
Never Lookinâ To Come Back, 34) things you said in your sleep
Kiba doesnât dream. Not in the literal sense, at least.
Heâs heard other people talk about their dreamsâtheir unconscious adventures or whateverâbut heâs never been able to do the same. Usually heâs just out like a light. Maybe he wakes up in a mood, emotions filtering through as he sleeps, but nothing concrete or detailed enough to count as a dream.
He doesnât think itâs much of a loss, really. Whatâs the point in having adventures in your sleep when you can have them in reality?
And, well, no dreams no nightmares.
Given what heâs seen, ainât he lucky?
Too bad the same canât be said for the captain.
â
Theyâre on a jobâan easy delivery to some barely named pebble of a moon turned into a whole production. A miserly bastard exploiting a bunch of honest people who just needed a little help from the Shuumatsuâs ragtag team of heroes in order to find courage to stand up for themselves⌠the usual, really.
If he were one for business cards, Kiba would probably change his to say Big Damn Hero.
Right now itâs the evening before the final showdown. Theyâre taking turns on watch, because this isnât their first rodeo thatâs for sureâhe wouldnât be all that surprised if the bastard sent some muscle their way in the middle of the nightâbut theyâre not all that worried. Kiba and Akamaru have this.
The captain murmurs in her sleep and Kiba, ears always tuned in to what she says, listens.
â⌠retreat⌠princeâŚâ
Just those two words are enough to place when Shikako is in her mind, but the last is what makes Kibaâs blood chill.
â⌠SaiâŚâ
â
Kiba doesnât dream in the literal sense. Not so much in the figurative sense, either. Not anymore. Heâs content with living on the bucket of bolts that is the Shuumatsu, making sure the captain has back up for her crazy schemes.
Because having a dream means getting your hopes up. Means getting invested. Means making your soft spots out in the open.
Having a dream means that you can be betrayed.
And failing your dream means reality becomes a nightmare.
Gambling Away The Past (part 10/?), 12) things you said when you thought I was asleep
Today is their last in the relative safety of Sangaku Outpost and, by unspoken agreement, all of Team Kakashi have decided to spend the day on separate ventures. Soon enough itâll be back to being just their squadâbest to get their fill of other company while they can.
Not that other company necessarily equates to better company, of course, especially given the way some of those stationed at the outpost still look at Kakashi with barbed, pointed glares, but there are a few people Shikako, at least, wouldnât mind meeting with again in the future and she knows her teammates feel the same. At the very least, Kakashi certainly doesnât mind the opportunity to summon his ninken in a more peaceful situation than heâd get to once theyâre back on duty.
And so the team spends their last day at the outpost apart, helping out where they can or getting in some last minute training, before returning to their tent for the evening. Theyâll leave at dawn, back to the camp that Ikoma-san runs and which Minato-san generally considers home base, before being sent out on their next mission.
And so Shikako isnât surprised about being the first one back to the tent, late afternoon, nor does she feel at all bad about flopping onto her bedroll and immediately passing out. Exhausted after one last grueling training session for her and Wakakusa beneath Heijomaruâs steely hooves, Sembei-obaasan making less than helpful comments from the side.
A few hours later, she surfaces from the depths of unconsciousness at the proximity of other chakra signatures, but decides not to fully wake up when she recognizes her teammates. Still, their conversation filters down to her in her dozing state, words hushed but no less heated.
ââcanât believe you still think that! After everything sheâs done?â Obitoâs voice, the magma of his volcano bubbling ominously.
âSensei thinks so, too,â Kakashiâs voice, a weak defense, barely any crackle in the ozone, âHe said to watch her.â
âBecause he thinks sheâs some kind of secret fuinjutsu prodigy, not because sheâs a spy!â retorts Obito.
Rin, as always, tries to break the tension, âIkoma-san wouldnât put her on our team if she were, and Minato-sensei approved it. He wouldnât do that to us,â she reasons.
There is a moment of silence, Kakashi acknowledging and accepting her point, before he says, âHer story is inconsistentâwhat little of it she does tell us, anyway. Howâd she end up near where our mission was? What happened to her previous team?â
The silence that follows this time is much longer.
Not because the answer is hard to think of, but because one particular answer comes to mind too quickly. Shikako can almost pinpoint the moment when each of her teammates stumble upon it: Obitoâs volcano going dormant once more, temper doused immediately. Rinâs breath hitching, dual fire and water flickering and rippling in distress. Kakashiâs electricity flattening out the way it does when he knows heâs said something awful, but canât apologize for it.
They are at war. There is one simple explanation for how a shinobi could end up all alone in enemy territory without any back up.
Itâs morbid to think of as such, but how lucky for her that theyâve all come to the obvious, but wrong conclusion.
~
A/N: It takes significantly less time to break a good practice than to stop a bad one and that is no excuse. Iâll have to reform my daily writing behavior from scratch it seems 
Sorry for the delay, @to-someplace-else!
Uh⌠not so much⌠I mean⌠I full on went into it here back when I was writing a lot of the next gen âOur Share of the Worldâ ficlets, but basically⌠itâs not something that is compatible with my own personal headcanons of the involved characters.
And thereâs also the fact that in my head itâs just: he definitely exists in canon Boruto which doesnât have Shikako. (Also, also, according to DoS thereâs basically birth control no jutsu which makes accidental pregnancy highly improbable).
I mean, definitely feel free to have that as your own headcanon for Shikadai; but itâs not something that Iâd pick up for my own collection. I quite like the idea of Shikako just being Shikadaiâs bewilderingly powerful aunt who is always on crazy adventures.
And I just really love the idea that Gaara would be the kind of person to adopt children leading into the next gen sand siblings (regardless of being in a relationship with Shikako or not).
Although even if Shikadai was biologically Gaara and Shikakoâs, if heâs still raised by Shikamaru and Temari then I donât see much of a story happening that isnât needlessly âyouâre not my real momâ or whatever which is unappealing on a huge level and also, irritatingly, maybe whatâs going on with Sarada and Sakura? No, thank you.
Primadonna Girl (Says No Thank You), 33) things you said at the back of the theatre
âNot bad, Sparky,â Kankurou says once the most devoted fans have left, giggling to themselves and satisfied. Some of them glance his way curiously, but most are too focused on the autographed paraphernalia clutched in their hands.
She blinks at him, overly polite and practiced smile still pasted on her face. Best actress of their generation his ass. âWould you like me to sign something for you, Kazekage-sama?â she asks, gesturing with the marker still in her hand. âThere might be some posters left over if you didnât bring anything with you.â
Kankurou raises a brow at her, âAnd would that be as Kako Heijo or Shikako Nara?â
Her smile drops, replaced with a displeased wrinkling of her nose. Finally a real emotion from her.
âWhat do you want?â she asks, finally leaving the roped off section at the theaterâs back exit. A flimsy cage for one of the continentâs most powerful shinobi, but somehow the only one that she deigns to be contained within.Â
âI like to consider myself a patron of the arts,â he answers with a shrug, before walking into step beside her. There are a few paparazzi lingering at the end of the alleyway, ready to pounce, but one look at Kako Heijoâs current conversation partner makes them turn their cameras away.
Suna still has a harsh reputation, after all, no matter what attempts were made to ameliorate that. And it doesnât help that Kankurouâs own ascension to the hat was particularly bloody. None of it by his hand or command, of course, but sometimes the truth can be the less believable explanation.
Sparky scoffs at his response, but doesnât do anything to escape from his presence.
The silence as they go from theater to hotel isnât comfortable by any means, but neither is it fraught or tense. The issues between them have long ago been settled, if unfortunately, and now there is nothing but the ruins of their shared ties.
If asked twenty years ago, he would not have guessed correctly on which of the two of them would be an internationally acclaimed performer and which would be a kage, but here they are.
Both of them trapped in roles neither of them wanted.
At the hotel, Sparkyâs manager flutters in her direction, immediately jabbering about bodyguards and scheduling and exposure while carefully trying not to get too close to Kankurou. For that, he grins and enjoys the way the civilian flinches back.
âDonât be a bully,â Sparky berates, distinctly ignoring all of her managerâs own admonishments.
âLeaf nin, always so soft hearted,â Kankurou responds, never mind that they both know it to be anything but true.
After all, shinobi and actors donât deal in the truth.
~
A/N: ⌠well this was a fucking weird return from my hiatus⌠uh⌠yeah.
Iâll be honest, some of my delay is the QAF show, but a lot of is was that I didnât really know how to fill this and then⌠this happened?
Some kind of dark future fic in which, Kankurou ends up Kazekage and Shikako becomes world renowned actress Kako Heijo.
I have a sort of backstory for this world/how these roles came about if anyoneâs interested?
Uh, sorry for the VERY BLEAK and VERY BELATED fill anon. Also sort of for that other anon who asked for theater kid Kankurou headcanons even though Iâm not really doing a headcanon event at this timeâŚ
I vaguely know of it but Iâve never actually read it, sorry lionheadbookends. Actually, Iâm only aware of it because Iâm a fan of Gunnerkrigg Court (as are you! given your avatar) and there was a card game they did together? But it was a while agoâŚ
Iâd be more prepared to do that as a new recursive AU though perhaps not in the same way. Like⌠instead of Shikako as the humming girl genius, itâd probably expand out to Konoha peeps are those from The Forest (or, at least, Shikako is Shadow) and other characters are from The Court⌠I dunno, Iâd have to ponder it some moreâŚ
Friendship Is A (Mutual) Con, 20) things you said that I wasnât meant to hear
He doesnât mean to trip.
Hardly anyone means to trip, but he especially didnât mean to do so now, back stepping as quickly as he could after listening in on his sisterâs conversation with her weird friends.
Mum sent him to the shop to bring some things for Shikako and remind her about family dinner on Saturday. He didnât really think much about the closed sign or the locked door: Shikakoâs been teaching him lockpicking, on the off chance he might want to follow her in her business and because itâs a handy skill to have, or so she says, and he knew she was there and thought maybe it was a test because itâs not as if business hours mean anything to family, right? Except she didnât appear when the bell above the door jingled, and he heard yelling coming from the back room and so he went further into the shop (after locking the door behind him, of course) but when he got close enough to actually hear the words more clearlyâto understand themâhe realized it wasnât an argument.
Well, it was an argument only in the sense that there was a lot of shouting and disagreements.
Mostly, it was a plan for a heist.
And at first it didnât make any sense because⌠because Shikakoâs supposed to build vaults and locks and safes not break into them! But there was her voice, logical and methodical, painting such a clear and feasible picture that eventually the argumentâthe planningâsimmered down into agreement.
And in that silence, Kinokawa realized what he heard. And he tried to back away, so as not to get caught, but Shikako only ever trained him in lock picking not any of her other, apparent, criminal inclinations and so in his hurry, he trippedâŚ
⌠and knocked over the stand of antique keys Shikako keeps to build custom modern locks for fun.
Naruto is the one who gets to him firstâor rather, leaps over him to get between Kinokawa and the exitâbut Sasuke is the one that pulls him to his feet. Roughly, at first, until he sees Kinokawaâs face, hands gentling almost immediately.
Kinokawa flinches anyway. Not so much out of fear but out of shock. Has everyone Kinokawa known his entire life secretly been criminals this whole time?
Shikako finally follows, her weird pale and quiet friend in her shadow, and the air suddenly goes taught like a string about to snap.
He wants to blurt out excuses, wants to wipe his memory, wants to undo time and just wait in the front of the shop where there werenât secrets and criminal plans being flung about for little brothers to hear. He wants to apologize.
Shikako gets to it first.
âAh, I should fix this,â she says, before kneeling down and beginning to pick up the scattered antique keys on the ground.
Reflexively, he does the same. Slipping out of Sasukeâs loosened grip and picking up keys. Shikako glances up, gives her friendsâfellow criminals?âa look, and the three of them leave.
Itâs quiet but for the soft clinking of keys in cupped palms, the stand being brought back upright, and the somewhat out of tune low humming Shikako does as she works.
It is weirdly soothing, organizing the keys by their labeled tags back onto the stand, that Kinokawa almost startles when his sister speaks again.
âIâm sorry, Kino,â she says, elbow lightly jostling his shoulder as she puts another key in its place. âYou werenât supposed to hear any of that.â
For a moment, Kinokawa pauses. He knows Shikako would never do anything bad to him, but that thought still flashes across his mindâNara quick and prone to paranoia.
âI hope we didnât scare you,â Shikako continues. Kinokawa feels relieved followed immediately by bubbling guilt at feeling such.
âNo!â Kinokawa denies, assures, âI wasnâtâIâm not scared.â
Shikako smiles, but itâs a kind of sad, disbelieving smile. âYou werenât supposed to find out this way. Although, I guess there are worse ways.â
Another thought comes to Kinokawa, âWere⌠were you ever going to tell me?â And another, left unasked: am I the only one who doesnât know?
Shikako answers both, sighing, âI donât know. A part of me wanted to tell youâall of you, Shikamaru and Mum and Dadâabout what I really doâI do so much good, Kino, I canât even count how many people weâve helpedâbut itâs not like I can just say it during family dinner.â
No, certainly not. Definitely not with their dad being the governorâs chief of staff, or Mum being a police sergeant, or even Shikamaruâs own budding career as a behavioral analyst with the FBI.
Kinokawa can see why Shikako would keep her jobâhobby?âa secret.
âI can keep it,â Kinokawa volunteers, because he knows his sister wants to ask but doesnât think she can. But heâs not a baby anymore, âI can keep it secret,â he repeats, âUntil youâre ready to tell them,â he adds.
From the shaky smile on Shikakoâs face, itâs her turn to feel relieved, and she pulls him into a hug.
JackSGreyson Says 