A/N1: @omgcheckplease and it’s fandom are so freaking cute and I just can’t, ugh.
So here are three plot bunnies which I would kind of like to see, but don’t have a fully formed idea nor the ability to do them justice. If anyone would like to adopt them, go for it (and I would totally love to beta/brainstorm with you).
~
1) Untitled “High Fantasy”* AU
In which the son of the Elf King has slain trolls and dragons, but fumbles in the face of a tiny creature known only as a hobbit.
Basically, the Canadians are elves, and the further south you go the shorter the races get. Therefore, Jack and Ransom are Elves; Holster, Shitty, and Nursey are Human; Lardo and Dex are dwarves; and Bitty is a hobbit. I’m unsure whether or not Chowder should be a dwarf or human…
Um, but, basically… I had some very strong Bagginshield feelings even before reading CP and it certainly didn’t get any weaker after. But since one of my guilty pleasures about Jack and Bitty’s relationship is their ludicrous height difference, I figured Jack ought to be an elf instead of a dwarf.
Also, since Jack was canonically an ugly baby/chubby kid/awkward teenager, it’s super hilarious if he’s an elf who are usually characterized by their ethereal beauty.
I don’t really have a plot in mind, though, just the idea of throwing the Haus (+Frogs) into the “high fantasy” setting and letting hilarious cultural misunderstandings get in the way of an elf/hobbit relationship. I love cultural misunderstandings as a romantic comedy trope.
*[“High Fantasy” is pretty much Lord of the Rings without specifically being Tolkien’s world–for example, an entirely, unrelated world with magic and such and a separate set of universal rules. Uh, in contrast there is “low fantasy” which would be Harry Potter–in that there is magic set in the ‘real’ world; so there are extra rules but those are on top of what already exist. Arguably a high fantasy world could be completely underwater and instead of light/visual cues people use telepathy and sonar. Whereas, if there happened to be a story in which a “normal” person met a mermaid who lives at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean and uses telepathy and sonar, that would be low fantasy.]
—
2) In Which Bitty Is A Ghost
Or, rather, in which Bitty cannot be heard or seen by anyone alive, nor can he touch anything. How is he supposed to bake during this time of crisis?
Featuring: a disturbing lack of hockey or pies, Jenny and Mandy the sorority Haus ghosts, and Jack Zimmermann’s butt being better at emoting than him.
Never fear, Bitty is not actually dead. He’s just in a coma. And his consciousness is for some reason stuck in the Haus (or wherever Jack is, but Bitty doesn’t want to distract him from his first year in the NHL… even if Jack is the only one to sort of perceive him).
Uh, I just had some world-building details in mind… like, the reason why Jenny and Mandy hang around Ransom so much (besides him being very good looking) is because he kind of gives off an aura which strengthens them. Enough to write in a steamy mirror, anyway.
And the two of them are very helpful with teaching Bitty how to be a ghost. Not so much how to get him to stop being a ghost.
Now, I’m not saying true love’s kiss is the answer, but I don’t know what else it might be.
—
3) Untitled… I don’t even know… Celebrity!CanonDivergence!AU
I have no summary or title for this particular fake fic, just a brainstorm. So here:
It’s a canon divergence AU in which Jack doesn’t step up his wooing of Bitty, because he doesn’t think he can handle the pressure of being the first out NHL player.
So, probably, a few years pass. Bitty also graduates with a major in American Studies / Food Anthropology / something that allows him to essentially do his vlogs professionally.
Now, whether that means he becomes one of those youtube famous vloggers that live off subscriptions and views, or if Food Network Channel picks him up as the next Food Network Star (or if one leads to the other…) would be up to whoever writes this. But, basically, Bitty becomes famous in his own right in the specific niche of vlog/baking. Just like how the Zimmermann name is also famous in the specific niche of hockey.
Aaaand I guess there’s some kind of convention–maybe VidCon maybe the New York City Wine & Food Festival–in which Eric R Bittle, star of Bitty’s Bites, is holding a panel where he bakes and answers questions. One question is “Have you met any other celebrities?” And… well… sure there are the other Food Network stars (he and Duff Goldman have the strangest friendship/rivalry. Shhh, this is an AU in which Ace of Cakes wasn’t cancelled, don’t harsh my vibe) but those are people he works with and he’s pretty humble so he doesn’t consider himself a celebrity. But you know what, he was once teammates/housemates/friends with Jack Zimmermann, NHL star… so Bitty talks about that.
By which I mean, rhapsodizes about his Samwell years the rest of his panel time and no one really has the heart to stop him because he was so obviously enamored by this… hockey guy… that it’s absolutely fascinating to listen to.
And, well, Bitty is openly gay. So when, at the end, he punctuates that he used to have such a huge crush on Jack, well, his fans go wild. And there’s not much overlap between Bitty’s fans and hockey fans, but there is a little. Just enough that people begin speculating about Jack to the point that, eventually, when Jack is doing a post-game interview, expecting some of the normal questions, out of the blue someone asks about Eric Bittle. Jack hasn’t thought about Bitty in YEARS. So he just kind of… contacts Bitty and is like… wanna get coffee sometime?
They slowly fall back in love. While also being very famous people in very different spheres. And Bitty learns that he is allowed to be selfish sometimes. And Jack musters up the courage to come out (because it’s been a few years, his place on the team is secure, he doesn’t want hockey to be the only thing in his life).
Happy Ending, etc. etc. Bitty goes to Jack’s games, Jack probably makes cameos in Bitty’s Bites–mostly just standing around on screen like a giant and chirping at his boyfriend. Super cute stuff. etc. etc.
spinoff of the first idea: all the guys playing one of those role playing games for reasons, with those races as their characters and Bitty and Jack keep trying to do sidequests together, even when they are not allowed or is remotely relevant to the game, and the dice loves Bitty so everybody keeps getting sidetracked by Bitty and Jack going on a visits to their homes to smooth out cultural misunderstandings
Hahahaha! Bitty WOULD be one of those people who always get the perfect roll of the dice or the right card. Lardo would totally be Lady Who Is Also A Knight (™) with Shitty being Willowy Poet (Not)Boyfriend. And I imagine Ransom and Holster’s Hockey Shit powerpoints would be similarly hilarious as D&D Shit powerpoints.
Dex would probably despair at how shoddy Nursey’s character sheet is (you can’t just put all of your points into charisma!), and Chowder would probably attempt to be a shark version of Sir Bearington (™).
JackSGreyson Says 