fake fic, dos, “seven deadly sins”

Seven Deadly Sins

Even heroes have flaws. Team Seven just happens to have more than most.

Oh anon, this has to be an extended Team Seven character study right? Like with each of the members as a respective deadly sin. I mean, I don’t know what else would match so perfectly? Let me just figure out which character is which sin, I guess?

I mean, I suppose it doesn’t necessarily have to be canon DoS extended Team Seven. Perhaps this is set in the Friendship Is A (Mutual) Con ‘verse? Regardless it’d still be character studies of sorts, perhaps different POVs of a greater heist/mission…

Actually, yeah lets go with that.

It starts with Sai, dressed up as a waiter with a platter of hors d’oeuvres. Gluttony. In his mind he’s thinking about how he’s empty. How he’s always hungry. No matter what he does or what he eats it all just tastes like ink on his tongue. Nothing can sate him. He’s a yawning black hole that consumes and consumes.

He holds the platter out, watches as a man takes one unheedingly and begins to eat. Begins to choke. The hors d’oeuvres have scallops in it and the man is allergic to shellfish. The man also has access to the building’s security system.

It’s okay, there’s a medical student in the crowd, she can mitigate the allergic reaction, and if she hands off the man’s key card to Sai while opening his shirt collar so he can breathe? Well, who notices the waitstaff?

Paramedics show up, take the man away–just in case–and Sakura is the darling of the gala just as planned. “Your necklace is beautiful,” she says to the CEO who comes to thank the hero of the hour in person.

Envy for Sakura, then. At having to play distraction. At having to stay in this relatively safe and boring role. DoS or not, she wanted to be more involved. She wants to be a proper field agent, like Shikako, wants to be where the action is not outside as decorative and useless as a flower.

Better than getting ogled and groped by ladies (and men) old enough to be his grandparent, Sasuke thinks, drifting closer and closer to the guarded doors. Lust. Probably some wordplay to make that bloodlust, too, because while he can’t exactly go around punching rich old ladies (and men) at the very least he gets to “drunkenly” fight the security team, enough for the rest of Team Seven to go through.

He gets a very stern talking to, which ought to have been getting booted out of the gala, but he does look very nice in his suit so…

Over the comms, Naruto laughs, his own outfit less formal and more “cat burglar.” Sai has control of the cameras, has been narrating the goings on of everyone for intel and for fun, as well as some of the alarms, but there’s a field of lasers and pressure sensors that can only be turned off in the morning or by a panel on the other side of the room. It’s okay, Naruto’s got this. Pride. He’s the best.

After a no doubt amazing montage of Naruto breakdancing out of the way of lasers and disarming the room for Shikako to scuttle through. There’s a vault and between the two of them they open it quickly. Inside the vault, though… they’re only supposed to take the contents of one of the boxes–the one Kakashi-sensei told them to–but somewhere in here are the blueprints for prosthetics that have been bogged down by red tape because it’s not profitable enough. Greed. She needs it for her brother.

Cut to Tenzou, arm around another guard’s neck, slowly lowering them to the ground as they fall unconscious. Sloth. He’s only supposed to be back up, doesn’t approve of this job really, why are they taking so long? They should have been in and out minutes ago.

And along comes Kakashi, sauntering in, subtly waving Sasuke and Sakura away. Eying one of the security cameras, knowing Sai will pass on the order. He wasn’t supposed to be on site, not really. It’s his job but he’s too emotionally invested. This was the company that killed Obito–and Rin, years later, when she began asking too many questions. Kakashi goes to the CEO and dispenses his Wrath.

… So… if you’ve ever watched Leverage (which I highly recommend, it’s on Netflix and maybe Hulu too?) you probably know exactly what I’m imagining here…

Dreaming One Shots — now on ao3!






Combining all of my Dreaming of Sunshine recursive one shots into one collection called Dreaming One Shots on archiveofourown.

For now this includes:

  1. Becoming a Legend
  2. Stories of Ancient Gods
  3. Netsui/Shikako Three Sentence Fic
  4. Dropped Off Stitches (On The Loom Of Fate)

Check it out here!

Have also uploaded:

5.  Chances Gone By
6.  You and Me and Baby (Makes Fifteen)

Have also uploaded:

7.  Winter in the Fields
8.  Semi-Phenomenal, Nearly Cosmic

Have also uploaded:

9.  Reshuffle the Deck
10. Primadonna Girl (Says No Thank You)

Have also uploaded:

11. River Running High
12. Our Share of the World
13. Walking Around (Like Regular People) (+ outsider!POV omake)
14. Take A Step That Is New

Also uploaded:

15. Baby Grows Up
16. Breaking The Shackle
17. Friendship is a (Mutual) Con
18. Heathens Outside And Ready
19. Lies Beyond The Morning

Friendship Is A (Mutual) Con, a Team Seven ficlet (2016-11-16)

When asked, Nara stares blankly at them, silent and unimpressed, Uzumaki laughs, grin wide and sharp, while Uchiha closes his eyes as if their questions were of no concern.

Hatake is the only one that talks, but they almost wish he had kept his mouth shut instead.

After all, when trying to confirm the number of enemies, hearing a noncommittal answer is less than reassuring.

“There are only four Lucky Sevens,” one of the captors say, brash and absolutely wrong.

Kakashi smiles, pointedly–somehow still obvious through the mask they’ve oddly let him keep–enough that the man notices and stutters out, “A-aren’t there?”

“Well, if you say so, the other three must not be very lucky then.”

“Their comms have been destroyed,” Sai says bluntly, smile on his face; he once read that smiling could help soften bad news.

Yamato sighs, face palming, while Sakura barely resists doing the same–she’s only here to temporarily help the team, auxiliary member only, and yet…

Once this matter is cleared up, she promises to never complain about Anko-sensei’s choice of jobs again.

Their jailers are not so stupid as to keep them in the same cells, but that doesn’t make very much difference.

There’s a pipe running along the corner of Shikako’s cell, up and through the wall–she doesn’t have her gear with her, but demolition isn’t the goal right now.

The clinking of handcuffs against the pipe is answered with more clinking from beyond the wall.

Sakura is more used to following after Anko-sensei’s trail of destruction, her students near invisible in comparison, or enjoying the absolute silence of Yakumo’s technological illusions.

Just walking up and talking her way into a place is not a method she’s comfortable with, but it appears to be working.

“I’m Agent Tenzo, this is my partner Sai, and our trainee,” Yamato says with way more confidence than she’s ever seen from him, “we’re here to follow up on the explosion on the docks.”

Naruto’s restraints are over the top–elbow to fingertips behind his back–they see his muscles, the breadth of his shoulders, and think he’s the fighter on the team.

They are wrong.

He snickers, even as he curls up and tears at the hem of his trousers with his teeth, lock pick at the ready.

Yamato looks around, steadily getting more worried and angry at what he sees:

The flaming wreckage of crates and warped metal of shipping containers aren’t a surprise, but there are bullet casings littering the grounds like shiny deadly confetti.

Kakashi-senpai doesn’t use guns, and neither does his team.

Sasuke knocks his handcuffs against the pipe in a repetitive sequence, resigned to waiting for one of his teammates to get him.

Normally, he’d be all for fighting his way out, even with his hands tied behind his back, but normally he doesn’t have a gunshot wound sending spikes of pain with every breath.

Well, better him than his teammates.

The comms have been destroyed, but that doesn’t mean the secret hidden trackers have.

Of course, Sai’s not supposed to have trackers on the team–Naruto has explained it’s a violation of privacy or something irrelevant like that–but this just proves him right.

With Yamato-taichou distracted by the authorities and Sakura by the blood on the ground, Sai takes out his tablet and finds the rest of the team.

Kakashi contemplates the nature of life, twirling his set of handcuffs around one finger and waiting patiently.

He could just break out and go find his adorable students on his own, but he’s meant to be a teacher now and how will they learn if he does everything for them?

He waits another twelve minutes and is rewarded by the sounds of gangsters screaming.

The three of them get to the warehouse district in time to hear screaming and gunfire and, unsurprisingly, explosions.

The local authorities are trailing after them by a good ten minutes, nowhere near as fearless behind the wheel as Sai–though Yamato and Sakura would prefer if he had a little bit more fear, clutching at the oh shit handles with white-knuckled hands–so they have until then to clear out their wayward teammates and frame the gangsters.

No problem.


A/N: Fill for this anon; I tried to do some kind of three sentence fic non-powered criminal!AU because this rant, but I didn’t flesh it out enough, I think, so it’s kinda…

Post Word Count: 697, Running Word Count: 5744