what does it say
that i am more
suicidal in spring?
that rain and clouds
rejuvenate me,
while sunlight
saps my strength.

what does it say
that waking up
before my alarm
always disappoints?
that morning sounds
only grate and
frustrate me.

what does it say
that i press my temple
rhythmic tap tap
imagining
that i rattle around pills
shaking, enticing,
reckless driving habits

i bleed and calculate
the volume
of my music
deafening, blasting,
i want desperately
the end of spring